Hey hey!!

The weekend poll is now closed. And the winner of the little question-poo, was Richard Simmons!! YAAAAAAYY!! So now, next weekend, Richard Simmons will go head-to-head (woohoo!! pun intended!), with SOMEONE ELSE. Be ready! (oh, and Snooze provided us with a link to the Whose Line is it Anyway segment that Richard Simmons was in... go check it out! Thanks Snooze!) oh, and Snooze, I would link to YOU, but you don't make your blog public?

I didn't have a really huge eventful day today. Except...

I was a little late waking up this morning, and in my rush to get dressed - I managed to pull on my hose with one leg backward. AAAAAARRRRGHHHH!! Guys - hopefully you DON'T know how very uncomfortable this is. In the interest of time, (since I was running so late), I decided to wait until I got to work to straighten out. Big Mistake. Having one panty hose leg on backwards should be considered an unconventional method of torture. Mmm'kay? First off, it took me 45 minutes to drive to work today. Then - when I got to work, I had to wait to be let in since today was deemed "100% checks" day, which means we ALL got searched going into the facility. I had to stand in a line of about 30 people while the guards methodically searched our bags and purses. All the while I was shaking my leg trying to (unsuccessfully), make my pantyhose shift around. I think the guy behind me thought I wanted him. Next, I finally got into my office (30 minutes late), and my boss pops in. "Norman, I need you to go to the staff meeting for me today, since I can't make it...." *gulp* Staff meetings at my work are kinda intimidating, if you aren't used to going. ALL the top dogs are there. The big wigs. And I had to hurry up and get in there with my twisted ass pantyhose. I had no time to adjust them since staff was about to start. I was quick-stepping to the building, and was almost there when a stupid FLY flew up my nose. oh dear lord. How the hell am I supposed to daintly GET IT THE FUCK OUT? And I could feel it wiggling around. EWWWWWW!! You'll be glad to know that I made it to the meeting on time, got a frickin' kleenex, got rid of the fly and sat down. With backward pantyhose. Of course it happened to be a meeting where EVERYONE had something they needed/wanted to discuss.

So two hours later I finally got my hose straightened out. And no - my day didn't improve after that.

I'll spare you the rest of the details, but I will say that it did involve me tucking my skirt hem into my hose.

The end.

New feature!!

You see.... weekends at Norman's blog typically suck. So I've decided to save the really good stuff that happens for during the week, and post a poll instead. This way - it's just a matter of a simple click. See - I know you guys READ the posts, but for some reason - weekends are just SLLOOOOOW on comments. I adore comments since to me, it seems to be a way of carrying on a conversation. When I get no comments, I feel like I'm just talking to empty air. With this new poll feature, you guys can just *click* and be on your way, and I don't feel so lonely.

This weeks poll:

Who would you rather be locked in a room with?

Now, you gotta pick one or the other. Have fun!

sorry guys. I didn't respond to ANY of your comments yesterday and I didn't even do a new post. I feel icky. But I can't stay home to feel better because I'm contracted out today to a different work site. (Can't very well call in sick). Then to top it all off my husband REALLY hurt my feelings this morning. Oh sure - he swears I just took it the wrong way, but since I feel shitty already, I choose to take it the way I heard it, because I'm pretty sure he DID mean it that way.... so I'm pretty bummed and not funny today.

don't worry, I'll delete this post later. I'll actually have access to the internet during the day today, so I might cook up something *semi* entertaining.... if I can just get this aspirin to start unfogging my head....


poor sick norm

*******************************************************
pleaaaarrgh... still feeling pretty woozy. So I don't feel like creating a new post - but I will mention that AFC 30-whatever-he-comes-up-with, has given me a fabulous idea for my next counter milestone, which will be 40,000. Whoever is my 40,000th hit, will get a prize, something HANDMADE by me - so you can't bitch about the quality, mmm'kay? Now, if I can just get off my duff and get busy on it.

norm

Have you guys ever thought about things that scare you? Obviously, my ghost scares the living wackies out of me, but I wanted to know what else scared me. I mean - I never really THOUGHT about it before. I just react when the damn things occur. But here's my list of scary stuff:

1. Ghosts - This is for obvious reasons. You guys familiar with my ghost posts should KNOW this by now. If you haven't read my ghost posts - there's a purple blinkie in my sidebar so you can catch up on it.

2. Spiders - Ewwww!! These scare me. Again - I had an *incident* that involved me stripping in front of my parents like a 2 year old and screaming hysterically. This was just last year. I also blogged about that one.

3. Crawly bugs - This could quite possibly fall under the "spider" category, but I felt obliged to give them their own place because spiders have 8 legs, and crawly bugs can have ANY FREAKING NUMBER OF LEGS. Kinda like the frickin' millipede that decided to crawl into my shoe and die (how's that for a statement, my foot stink causes bugs to die). The damn thing - when it was alive had to have been about 8 inches long. But yeah, if you're wondering, I didn't find it until AFTER I had jammed my foot into it. And my foot hurt for awhile afterwards because I felt it was NECESSARY to boil my foot with Lysol.

4. Balloons popping - just turns me inside out when it happens. I jump about a mile in the air, and if someone threatens to pop one in front of me, I basically start begging them to not do it while I clamp my hands over my ears.

5. Stuffed animals - Uh-huh. I blogged about this one too. I think maybe I watched Child's Play one too many times. I mean, that could be the excuse I use - but nah. That's not the reason. I remember being freaked out by them when I was a kiddo as well.

6. Carnies - Just freak me the hell out. Such very strange people. I would like to say that Circus People and Stage Performers (like Cirque du Soleil) tend to scare me as well. But not clowns. I like clowns! (Unless it's the damn clown from the movie "Fear of Clowns" or "It")

7. Becoming abnormally large - I just have this fear that one day I'm going to end up like that woman in the movie "What's Eating Gilbert Grape". I can totally see it happening! That's why I flipping out over the 10 extra pounds I lug around.

8. Being alone - Cause of the ghosts of course. My husband had BETTER freaking die AFTER me.

9. Snakes - Did I mention that there are snakes at my work? Like big old 8 foot rattlers? That like to curl up outside my office door and wait for me to walk out so they can rattle at me? **shuddering***

10. Swimming in the ocean - I've been in the ocean. I have literally FELT things bump into my leg as they've swam by. The water in the Texas Gulf Coast is murky brown, so you can't really see what's sniffing your leg. So I now prefer to stay OUT of large bodies of water. Besides - who hasn't seen Jaws?


OK. That's my scaredy cat list. Obviously - you're wondering why the hell I titled the post like I did. I just did it for grins.

Norman!

And apparently, Tammy & Pack of 2 took it from Kami. So, here's my spin on this little meme:
(shut it. I haven't done in a Meme in forever. deal with it)

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? Yeah, a few times!!

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters? Heck no!! I wanna see what's coming!!

3. When's the last time you've been sledding? hmm.. let's see - 1978 (we lived in Kansas and I had one of those little saucer sleds. Bashed my head on a pole. Done with sledding forEVER)

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? With someone else. And, I do what Tammy does... I make one of my kids sleep with me if the hubby is out of town!

5. Do you believe in ghosts? Well YEAH!! Especially that turdmuncher I have living in my house...

6. Do you consider yourself creative? No. My house looks like a bachelor's house because I have no freaking clue how to decorate.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Of course not. He was found INNOCENT (oh please tell me you can read the sarcasm I'm dripping here....)

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Jenny of course. She's my girl. When Brad & her split, we had a picture burning partay here at my house. We're tight like that. (LOL)

9. Do you stay friends with your exes? No. I pretty much write them off as losers.

10. Do you know how to play poker? I love Texas Hold'em, and play all the time at PartyPoker.net. I also love watching the World Poker Tour!

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Only when my ghost has been active.

12. What's your favorite commercial? Oh my God!! I love the little Gecko from Geico - especially the commercial where he's talking about Pie & Chips. Cracks me up every single time. Never seen it? Click here!! I also like the one for Verizon where they are advertising the video game on their phone. A pirate lands dead on their desk, but you just think it's just part of the little video game they are playing until the boss says something and then screams. Then they all scream like little girls. Sadly, I can't find a link to show it to you, but trust me, it's freakin' hilarious!

13. What are you allergic to? Assholes

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights? Nope. I use red lights as an opportunity to make sure I don't have boogers hanging out of my nose or spinach in my teeth.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Yeah! I have lots!! I like to be mysterious that way

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Neither.

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating? Yeah!! It's fun!!

18. How often do you remember your dreams? I rarely remember my dreams. It has to be an extremely vivid dream in order for me to remember it though..

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? Well, it was like 2 weeks ago, and for the life of me, I can't remember what was so funny. Must be my age. I'm getting old!

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles? Yellow Submarine, Hey Jude, St. Pepper's Lonely Heart Parade, Norwegian Wood, Shake it up Baby (Wow I did it! Without Googling them!)

21. What's the one thing on your mind now? Right now? It's"Hmmmm.... the baby's being awfully quiet, and I generally put her to bed before I start playing on the computer, maybe it's a mistake for me to be on here right now. She's probably coloring on the wall with a marks-a-lot...."

22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is? NO!! LOL!!! What is it?!

23. Do you always wear your seat belt? Yes.

24. What cell service do you use? Sprint (or whatever the hell it's called now...)

25. Do you like sushi? Yuck!! No!

26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident? Yes.

27. What do you wear to bed? Tee-shirt and Panties. ... sometimes

28. Been caught stealing? I've never been CAUGHT.....

29. What shoe size do you have? 7.

30. Do you truly hate anyone? Yes. and with good reason.

31. Classic Rock or Rap? Anything but Rap!

32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? Oh hell. I don't know. Probably ... no... nah... never mind. Nobody.

33. Favorite Song? "No Rain" by Blind Melon

34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror? Yes. Just so I could see how stupid I look to other people when I sing in my car...

35. What food do you find disgusting? Liver.... BLAAAAAAAH!!!!

36. Do you sing in the shower? Nope, just in my car

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"? No.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? Yes, but they caught me.

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew? Yes.

40. Have you ever been punched in the face? Yep.

OK!! Let me know if you thief it !!!

It's my nude picture!! Sorry I didn't go full monty. Maybe when I turn 40 I'll really go the distance! You know what? My hubby checked out my picture before I posted it, and he seems to think it's not *entirely* truthful. According to him, I made myself too skinny and my boobs too big. But it's MY self-portrait, and damn it -- I'll do it like I wanna!

It's my birthday guys!! I'm trying to be happy about it because I'm now officially closer to 40 than 30. ***chokes back a sob**


What? What are you bitching about? I never said I was posting a nude PHOTO. I said a nude PICTURE. THAT is a nude PICTURE.

Games that we play here:

**sniff sniff** ewwww. something smells STANKY.

(Norman finds/picks up toddler)

**sniff sniff** ewwwww!!!! "Ethan!!! Come here!! Quick!"

Unsuspecting Ethan: "What Mommy? What do you need?"

Norman: "Smell Avery's bottom"

Ethan: *sniff sniff sniiiiiiiiiiiiiifff* "ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!! OH MOMMY!!! why you DO that!!? (gags)

Norman: "AHAHAHAAAAAHAHHAHAA!!!"

Norman: "Ashton!!!!! Come here!! Quick!!"

Ashton: "wassup?"

Norman: "Smell Avery's bottom"

Wise Ethan: "Don't do it!"

Ashton: "huh-uh.... Daddy!!!"

Clueless Dad: "What?"

Ashton: "Smell Avery's bottom"

Clueless Dad: **sniff** "O dear God"

Norman: "Could you change her for me? I have to do something...."

Challenging Dad: "Like what?"

Norman: "I don't know!! I'll figure it out in a second..."

Stuck Dad: " thanks.... c'mon Avery"

Avery: "POO-POO!!!"

Good news!! - I'm not knocked up!!!

Bad news - I'm incredibly bitchy and edgy today

Good news!!! - I should be feeling more like myself in 5-7 days.


So HA! I'm not pregnant. Phew!! What a disaster THAT would have been. We're having a hard enough time trying to fix up this house to sell it so that we can find a 4 bedroom, and NOT have to pay $120/sq foot. (which is expensive for this area).

I made a few changes on this blog. I used to have a list out in the sidebar called "Notify List" which lets you know when I update. I've been having lots of trouble getting the message out with that program, so I changed the service. If you want to know when I've updated, go ahead and sign up for the new service. Hopefully this one will be more reliable!

Oh - and you'll be glad to know that my husband gave his approval of my SHOCKING AND DARING post for tomorrow. I can't believe that he's ok with what I've planned, but he even said he'll help me post that picture of myself!! WOW!! So - remember - come back tomorrow for my birthday!! I'll expect happy birthday's from all of ya'll!!

What'd ya'll do last night?? My husband took me out for a nice dinner for my birthday (which is tomorrow, but we went out last night). Do ya'll know how nice it was to just sit and enjoy a dinner without having to screech "Stop it!!" "Sit down!" "Eat your dinner!" all the while simultaneously trying to entertain a 19-month old? It was pure bliss.

We went to one of those Japanese steak houses where they cook the food on your table, and bounce the knives and crap around. This is a new restaurant here in town... they used to have this crappy little building that was in dire need of updating, so they built this new HUGE building that cost well over $1 million dollars. It's incredible in there. It would be fair to say that this is a restaurant that you could expect to find in Vegas. When you walk in, there is bamboo all over the walls, and a huge BOAT in the middle of the room. There are about 10 of those grills that they cook in on the boat, each table seats 8 people. Big boat. The boat sits in a small pool of water, and every 30 minutes, it "rains" around the boat. While the water is pouring down, they have lasers that beam a show in the water. If you don't sit in the boat, you get to sit in a room, but you have to take off your shoes. I don't like that area so much. I hate smelling people's feet while I'm trying to eat. Upstairs, they have a VIP area where it costs $200/plate. Can't tell you too much about that area since I'll never be allowed up there!!

But I think it's totally cool that we have a restaurant like this in Amarillo. This little town is certainly growing by leaps and bounds.

We WERE going to go see Pirates of the Caribbean, but the wait at the restaurant was 1 1/2 hours long, then it took 45 minutes for the grill chef to show up. So we didn't have time to make the movie.

oooo. i just read this post. It's incredibly boring. But hey - that's a weekend for you. Good job if you made it this far without falling asleep!

Look what I made!! I wasn't sure if I could do it, but I did!!



I made this outfit all by myself!! My hubby got me a sewing machine for Christmas one year, and it's sat in my closet ever since.

When I opened it, I remember thinking "What the....?" because I didn't remember telling my husband that I ever had any urge to be a seamstress, but hey - it's better than a tire iron and a car headlight (which is what he gave me for our first ever Christmas). So that was like.... three years ago that he gave the machine to me. Last weekend, I decided to use it.

Ashy & I went to a cloth store, and she picked out a pattern and the fabric. And I did it!!! woohooo!! Let me tell you, those little dangly things on the pants leg were the HARDEST things to attach.

So now, since this turned out so well - I've picked out another pattern, and I'm going to make an outfit for myself. Anybody else want an outfit sewn by me? Dude!! I'm on a roll!! The only thing is, you'll have to pick something that will take black thread, because I still haven't figured out how to change the thread on the bobbin. My mom spun the bobbin for me, so until it runs out - I'm only using black thread.

What symptoms? These:

extreme fatigue
excessive pee-pee breaks
heartburn
slight nausea


AND I'M IGNORING THEM BECAUSE THEY CAN'T BE ALL POPPING UP AT THE SAME TIME LIKE THIS. Wanna know why?

Cause remember this?

So you see, it can't be anything except an exotic illness. (can't be can't be can't be)

Now - judging off those symptoms listed above. What is ailing me? Anybody wanna hazard a guess?

July 21st just happens to be the day that this blog was born. Has it really been a year that I've been on here babbling and gibbering ? And you guys actually read it? And come back for more!?

WOW!!!

I'm cheating a little by posting this 45 minutes before midnight on the 20th, but since I'm magical and can do anything I want.... I'll just jump the post date ahead a little bit to the 21st..

And now for a special announcement:

My birthday is iN 3 days. My 36th birthday. This will be a depressing day for me, since then - I will be closer to 40 than 30, which means I'm officially further away from 20, and closer to middle age. (hey.. let me do my own rationalizing my own way - savvy?) E-frickin'-Gads.

So - I've decided to do something SPECIAL AND DARING on this blog for my 36th birthday.

What could it be? (Maybe it'll be a nude picture of me or something like that....)

or maybe not.

NORM!

OK, first - check this out:

This is my summary from my stat counter this last week.

So who are you new people, and why aren't you commenting??!!! LOL!!

I'm trying to figure out where you're coming from, but this blasted counter isn't giving it up.

So satisfy my curiousity.. eh? It's driving me even more insane that that freaking ghost...

Just another GHOST POST!

Sadly though, it's probably similar to the old ones. I swear - this ghost is just not creative enough for me.

But last night, my husband & I were in bed, when my hubs sat up. "Wassamatter?" I asked, cause I was about to fall asleep. "Uh... I think Ethan's running around." So he called out "Ethan?" No answer. "Ethan? Come here buddy!" But no Ethan appeared. I asked him if maybe he'd been dreaming, but he said, "No - I heard his footsteps on the carpet." So he got up to check on the kids, (since I was petrified, because i KNEW it was the ghost), but the kids were sound asleep. Meanwhile - I heard scuff scuff scuff in the bedroom. I was trying to tell myself it was just my man coming back, but no... he was still in Avery's room, I could hear him on the monitor.

So then, he finally made it back in, and we settled back in to bed. Both of us were avoiding mentioning our visitor. When "scuff scuff scuff" and we BOTH heard it at the same time. Right in the room with us. So up we popped again, but neither of us said anything, we just listened. Finally - my hubby bravely got back up and started methodically checking various hiding spots in the house. Soon, I noticed that he kept returning to the master bath and checking out the closet. I said "Did you find it?!" (heh! I was trying to be funny), but he called back to me that he could hear sniffling. "Sniffling?" I asked, "Yeah, sniffs. Everynow and then I hear a sniff and it's coming out of the closet" So he poked around in there, and came back to bed.

By now, I was wide awake and sleep was not in the foreseeable future. Then, after a couple of minutes.... SNIFF scuffle scuffle scuffle then the closet door in the bathroom clicked shut.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure who screamed first - him or me, but really - I'm thinking you wouldn't have been able to tell the difference anyway because we both sounded like little girls.

So, we ended up sleeping with the TV on to mask any further sounds. We turned it to the Eternal Word Television Network. I'll bet that's why I dreamt of Mother Angelica hiding in our closet.

Good God.

I'm so disgusted right now. DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?? (and yeah - I'm a day late and a dollar short on this, but I was at a ball game last night)

THE PRESIDENT SAID SHIT! Holy crap! Impeach him!

I just don't understand the hoopla over this. He said SHIT. Why is the news making such a big deal out of it??? It was all over CNN, CBSnews and FoxNews. They're calling it "The Shit Heard Around the World". (hahahaha!!! very clever!) Now tell me, if you like the guy or not, you have to admit: It's got to be the STUPIDEST thing ever picked up for a news story.

He said "Shit".

So what. I'm willing to bet the news people have said shit before. I'm willing to bet they even dropped the F-bomb (that's fuck, in case you were curious). See?? I said it!! STOP THE PRESSES!!

OK. That's what's been bothering me today. We've got sooooo much going on in the world right now, but someone saw an opportunity to make the guy look worse than he already does. And I disagree with that. You know what? I saw the conversation on video. Tony Blair didn't even bat an eye when Bush said that. I bet Blair has said "Shit" too.

Shit.







don't worry, I'll try to dig up something else to blog about tonight... this just has been bugging the SHIT out of me.

Just thought I'd let you know that I've started a list of foods that I won't be eating again for the next few years. They are... in no particular order:

Corn
Blueberries
Carrots
Gummy Bears

Huh. Well, wait.. I lied - because this list IS pretty much in order.

Now. I've got three kids, and I don't know why this hasn't happened before, but apparently, my third child's digestive system just isn't as efficient as the older kids I guess.

Corn is the obvious thing. Pretty hard to digest, but at least my other kids made an attempt to digest it. Avery just eats it and deposits an entire ear of corn in her diaper. I don't know how she does it, but apparently her stomach is really good at arranging the eaten corn into a pretty good resemblance of what it used to be. I shit you not (yes!! the pun was intended!), the child craps corn cobs.

She adores blueberries. Now - obviously you're prolly thinking she's pooing smurf colored doody, but sorry. It's a turd. But not just any turd. It's a polka dotted turd. Dotted with blueberries... dis-gus-ting. EW!

I'm sure you're familiar with carrots? You eat enough of them, and it looks like you're fighting radiation sickness. But again - her digestive tract just is young I guess. And apparently carrots give her the runs.... the ORANGE runs, with little chunks of carrots.

But today was the kicker. The Gummy Bear. I don't give kids that young sugar. They don't need it from the natural energy rush they have going on. But apparently Ashton shared some illicitly acquired bears with her. (She's pleading the fifth on who gave them to her, but I'm thinking it's my mom.) Sweet kid that she is, she shared gummy bears with the baby, and the baby gobbled them down. And yep... out the poop chute they came. In whole. I opened up her diaper, and saw a gummy peeping out of the mess in there. I could almost swear it had a shocked look on it's ambiguous little face... kinda like "By God!! What a freaking experience THAT was!"

So gummy bears have gone on the list of EWWWWWWW items for the next few years.

poor little bear

see? I asked you guys to give me ideas for topics you'd like me to discuss, and NOBODY GAVE ME ONE. And now it's Thursday and it's my first post since MONDAY. We can't have that anymore ok? And not only that - the post i DO come up with isn't a fun one)

Let me tell you a little secret about myself (here's where the self-pity comes in). Growing up, I was not what you'd call the most popular kid in class. Well, let me be blunt. I was the UBER GEEK. Kids singled me out to pick on me, I was always picked last when it came to picking teams, yadda yadda yadda. Hurtful shit like that. And that happened all through my entire schooling life. From elementary to high school. But then something happened. I developed a shell around my feelings, and adopted the "don't give a shit" attitude. Now - I don't wear it on my shoulder and walk around with a mean look on my face... in fact - I will always try to find something pleasant to say to someone. BUT - if my friendliness is rebuffed, or someone is rude to me, out comes the 'don't give a shitter' and I tune them out. And good luck to them if they have a change of heart and try to be my friend. Fuck'em. I dealt with enough shitheads in school to ever have my feelings trampled on again. Suprisingly, ever since I since I erected (heeeeee.... I said "erected!!") those walls, I've noticed that people actually go out of their way to talk to me. Go figure. Why is that I wonder? It's weird. Who would of thunk it.

But where my concern comes in, is this: I've noticed lately that my oldest daughter comes home from camp with stories of how the kids treat her at camp that dredge up all the childhood pain. Those kids are picking on my daughter. I'm beside myself. I see her experiencing all the insults and horrible nastiness that only little kids can do, and I just want to cry. She's been at camp, and none of the kids will play with her. They call her stupid, (she's smart), they call her fat (she's not fat), they call her ugly (she's beautiful), and they do every other thing they can to belittle her and squash her confidence. I asked her what she would do when they started in on her, and she told me that she would walk away and play by herself. On Monday, one of the kids followed her, pushed her, and pulled her hair. When she started crying - that kid got a group around her and they started calling her a crybaby. I asked her where the camp counselors where, and she said that they weren't paying attention.

So she asked me what she should do. And therein lies my dilemma. A GOOD MOTHER would tell her child that she should just ignore them, they'll go away. That's what my mother always told me to do. A GOOD MOTHER would also tell her child to go stand near the counselors because the kids wouldn't follow her there and make fun of her. That's what a GOOD MOTHER would have done.

But that shit never works. I remember. I tried to ignore the kids all through school, and all they did was keep it up. They never stopped. So I gave Ashy BAD MOTHER advice. I told her that the next time one of the kids started up on her, to stop... turn around... look that child in the eyes and tell her to SHUT IT. Which is like a major bad word in my house. We're not supposed to tell people to shut up. But I've given my child permission. She was shocked. I also told her that if they pushed her, she should push back -twice as hard - all the while yelling "DON'T PUSH ME!! STOP!" I figured that would gather the attention of the counselors, and they could break up any further altercations. We also worked on retaliatory comments in case they were sniping at her.

Yes. I know. I'm a bad mom. But guys - the proper way just doesn't work. And this hasn't been just a new problem. We've been dealing with incidents like this since first grade. I've visited with the school counselors and her teachers. They've all told me, well - kids can be mean, but we really don't see any problem with Ashton, she's such a sweet child. Yeah - well, those school counselors don't see my sweet child bawling each night asking me why kids don't like her and what's wrong with her. My God. She's only 8.

So the other night I got a phone call from Ashy. She told me she had some payback time at the camp. And I heard a small bit of confidence back in her little voice. It seems the ringleader of the girls, started in on Ashy about her clothes. She told Ashton that she dressed stupid. (and for the record, Ashy was wearing a Tommy Girl shirt with a ripped out collar... it's really cute) So Ashton told me that she looked at her clothes, and told her "What-ever.... my clothes cost more than you're worth!" and turned around to leave. Which is when that little girl pulled her hair and turned her back around. Ashton said that she looked that little girl straight in the eye and said "Let...go...NOW" and the girl did - but then pushed Ashton down. So Ashton hopped up, shoved the crap out of her and knocked HER down, and then leaned over her and in Ashton's words... "she set her right". And that little girl started crying. So Ashton said "Serves you right... now leave me alone" And walked off.

I was listening to this, and I felt so sad. I asked her how she felt about it and she said she felt bad - but that at least none of them made fun of her. And we talked about it for awhile. So I went to the camp this morning, to talk to the camp administrators, when Ashton came running up to me. "Mommy!! Guess what!" She was so excited... she pulled me off to the side and told me "Mommy, those kids that were being mean to me are playing with me now!!! They're not calling me names anymore - and Tisha told me she was sorry she pulled my hair!!!" and off she flew to go play.

And so I went to work. I didn't talk with a counselor, I want to see how this is going to turn out. I want her to see that by standing up for herself, she can handle conflict. I want her to continue bringing problems to me and talking them out. I know some of you out there are saying violence is never the answer - but dammit.. it WORKED. And when I talked to her later in the day - she's HAPPY. I will have you know that what I've just told you was a LAST RESORT. I stressed to her over and over that she's to try to avoid the harrassers, or ignore them... this situation is reserved for situations where she's cornered, and adults are not available. Which is what she did.

But I still feel like a bad mom.

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."Mujibar said, "I am ready." The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."The manager said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.

Yeah, yeah, I know, but I've never been accused of being politically correct. However, I find the above to be all too true. I just got ANOTHER person calling me on the phone, asking if I want to apply for a "Wisa" card. I told them no, I have a Visa....

So I think I'm running out of posts. I think I'm almost out of something to say... at least for today. Anybody have any requests?? I'm taking requests!! Let me know in comments!

***** edited*****

Stolen from Naughty Voyeur, who stole it from Softball Slut. Cracked my shit right up. Made my blog all ghetto-like...

We're playing with PhotoShop - what do you think?? I think I'm going to frame this pic for our wall. My hubby is working on one of Avery, and as soon as Ashton gets back from camp - we'll get one of her. Awesome?

It's just too weird for words. Really. But I'm gonna try to write about it anyway.

When we went to DisneyWorld, I brought my favorite pair of sunglasses. At the park, the only things I brought in with me were my sunglasses, my ballcap, a backpack and the kids. Easy stuff right? When we went to the 3-D movie, "It's Tough to be a Bug", I removed my sunglasses, put on the 3-D goggles, and placed my sunglasses on the seat next to me. When the show was over, we left, and I forgot my sunglasses inside. I noticed it immediately, and asked one of the employees if I could go back inside and get them, but they had already started filling the seats with the next group and I could not go back in. She told me to wait until they cleaned the theater and come back to get my glasses out of the lost and found. So I did, and of course they weren't in there.

We never found them, and I ended up having to pay a bazillion dollars for a pair of glasses from Disney, which are the ones I've been wearing ever since we got back.

My lost glasses did not have my name on them.... I'm not 2. I don't mark my name & address on any of my possessions.

My husband never found my glasses either, because he stayed with the kids while I looked for them so he never even LOOKED.

They're LOST. In FLORIDA. Never to be found again.. ever ever ever ever.

Until today, when they showed up on the front seat of my car.

They weren't there yesterday. I'm the only one that's been in my car for the past week. We use the more fuel-efficient car for all our family running around during the week.

But my lost sunglasses are in there.

The ones I lost in Florida. I'll have you know - I'm not the only one tripping out to this. My husband is wiggin' out as well.

Anybody care to attempt an explanation for this?

Baby 'bonics ya'll!! As in 'ebonics'! Those of you who have kids TOTALLY understand this, right?

Example:

Ashton, age 2: Triangawiggles (translation) Triangles
Ethan, age 2: Spageetos (translation) Mosquitos

See? Baby 'bonics are words that your kids make up, which probably make no sense to others, but perfect sense to you and the child. Usually, a baby will have one or two of these, then move on to boring old English.

But Avery has moved into new territory for us. Not only does she use Baby Ebonics, she has decided some very primary words should be synonyms for a whole assortment of other words. I'm having a devil of a time trying to figure out what she's trying to say, it's like learning a new language. This makes me laugh, since I'm supposed to be teaching HER how to speak... not her teaching me...But! I decided to create a list of her words and meanings. I'm going to post part of it on here.

Please note: Sometimes the words are the same, but depending upon the way she says it, means a whole 'nother thing...

Avery's Words:

Bite (or)Eat - please feed me

BITE! (or) EAT! - dammit woman! I'm Hungry! Would ya hurry?

Up peas - Please pick me up

Up peas - Please put me down

UP PEAS! - NOW!! PICK ME UP NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

UP PEAS! - Down!! I want down!! Now!! Put me down!!!

Ewwwww - Booger

Wandat - I want that, please

WANDAT! - Give it to me you sumbitch

Buzzy Belly - Please blow on my belly and make that farting noise... I love it so much!

Daddeeee - Daddy

Daddeeee - Mommy

That - Any inanimate object that she's hoping we'll foolishly hand to her so she can creatively try to figure out ways to kill herself with it. (ex. cotton ball, q-tip, scissors, ice pick...)

Raaawr - Monster

Raaawr - Shredder

Raaawr - Ethan

Raaawr - Sharks

Uff-Uff - Dogs

Googurl - Good Girl

Dohda - Dora the frickin' explorer

Poo poo - applies not only to real poopoo, but also applies to: wet diaper, any kind of mess, Ethan and boogers.

Bay-Bay - baby

I'm K! - Generally said after she really biffs it on the carpet, she'll hop up and say "I'm K!!"

zzzzuush - Juice. sometimes pronounced, 'dooce' (yeah - as in that super popular blogging chick)

zzzzuush - Milk.

zzzzuush - any kind of Coke.

Hi - cell phone

owstite - Outside

Owstite! - Let me OOOOOOUUUUUTTTTSIDDDE!!!! I wanna play with the Uff Uff!!!

Skeem - ice cream



Ok, that's just some of them. She actually talks quite a bit, I just can't understand ALL of her words yet. These are just the ones that I've figured out.

Sooner or later, she's going to start talking like everyone else. I don't know if I'll be relieved or sad.....

LOOK!!! My little stat counter thingamajig is about to turn 30,000!!!!! WOW! I cannot believe that this little blog has gathered that many hits. 30,000 page views. Holy shit.

Of course, most of those are just page views and then people vanish - but HEY. 30,000. I'm too excited for words.

And yes - I'm what my husband calls a cheap date. Thanks.

So who's going to turn the counter to 30,000?? (And Michael - don't you hit the refresh button a couple hundred times like you did last time!!! That's cheating!)

Well, while we're waiting for the counter to turn, let me tell you what happened at work today. I was sitting out in the break area when one of my co-workers happened by. She is such a nice looking lady. She's a grandmotherly lady and always dresses so CUTE. She's got a shoe thing, so I always notice her cute shoes and comment on them. Today, she was wearing a lime green shirt, and her Nike Swoops matched her shirt. Being the nice little kiss-ass that I am, I told her that her whole entire outfit was cute. She kinda grimaced a little and told me that it might look good, but felt terrible. I asked why she felt so terrible, and she decided to tell me that her pants were rubbing her uncomfortably in a most inconvenient area.

ooooh. Um. okaaaaaay. Thanks for sharing!! <----- That's what I was thinking to myself, but what I actually said was: "Well, why don't you go to the restroom and adjust yourself. Your undies are probably riding and you need to go fix that before you drive yourself insane."

To which SHE said: "heeh. hehe. he.he. Well - you see. I don't wear undies. I like to feel naughty during the day. I just go bare"

BLAAAAAHH!!!!! Have you guys just ever imagined your grandmother going commando?? ew ew and triple ew!! BLAAAAAAHHH!!

But I'm not done!!!! While I was sitting there opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water, a couple of guys walked in, so she stopped with her undergarment comments. They stayed for a while, then left. The minute they walked out the door, she ripped one, and went "Phew! I'm glad they left! I was holding on to that one almost too long..." I think I melted. She got up to leave, and I had to stop myself from checking out her ass to see if she'd suddenly developed a little brown 'smoke spot'.

Ok, well, I'm going to watch my counter now!!

Toodles!

Cause DAMN! I almost got my ass kicked....for real. And it wasn't even my fault. Right now I'm just thanking GOD for large public places.

This is what happened:

I was walking into the local grocery store with Avery, when I passed a group of kids, who happened to be black. As they were walking by, they were talking loudly and calling each other "Niggers". Loudly. Well, what does my 25 pound parrot do? "NIGGER! NIGGER!". ohhhhhhh sshhhiitttt.......... yep. Got shoved. Right in the back. "You teachin' your kid some shit bitch?"

"Uhhhh... no- she heard YOU say it so leave me alone it's your own fault." of course, I was thinking of OTHER words to use in my response, but then again - I've got my repeater with me so I can't really say what I wanted to. So one of the girls shoved me again (thank god Avery was in a cart...) and that's when one of the baggers saw what was happening. He ran over and yelled to another guy to go get the manager. In the meantime, the group of dorks was trying to tell the bagger guy that I was calling them niggers. Which is soooo not true. I asked one of the store employees to take my baby in, and they did, and that's when I told off the kids... WITH the language that I really wanted to use in the first place. That seemed to take them aback because apparently they thought I was one of those meek little women that are scared to say "Boo". But then the louder girl got right in my face going "Whatev-AH Whatev-AH" and I HATE THAT.

"Whatev-AH? Can't think of something better to say??? And let me tell you something else, as long as you guys keep calling each other "Niggers" you absolutely CANNOT blame other people for continuing to use that word!!! "

Ugh. I'm so glad I told her that. But then she told me something stupid to the effect like " Bitch, we can call our asses Nigg-ahs because we CAN... YOU can't!" oh.my.God.... the reasoning is beyond me. "I DIDN'T CALL YOU THAT DUMBASS!!!" I yelled. And yeah - there was a crowd gathering. Kinda embarrassing when you live in a small town....

By now, the manager of the store came huffing out and told the group that he'd called the police, and grabbed my elbow to pull me inside. And that BITCH tried to pull my hair on our way inside!!! I turned around, to do what - I don't know, but apparently I turned fast enough that I got pulled away by the manager and he was saying "Save it for when the cops get here..." Shit. I didn't want to talk to the cops, because you know what? It's going to come out as "racially motivated" or something stupid like that and I don't want anyone jacking with my house or my kids, and that's probably what would happen. I didn't file a report. I was worried that one of that group would get a copy of it with my name & address on it.

BUT I'M SO MAD!! Pisses me off!! Right now, I'm sitting at my house, going "I should have said blah blah blah blah" or "I should've just kicked the snot outta her blah blah blah".. Don't you hate it when you think of all the good things to say or do AFTER the fact?? UGGGH!

And my toe still hurts because I was reading ya'lls comments back to me about seeing a podiatrist, so I decided to leave it alone. So now my toe hurts and I'm pissed. Now I gotta have a margarita ....

Someone has searched and found my blog using the phrase "Toenail Beer Soak".

This is quite intriguing, seeing as how I am currently experiencing yet another ingrown toenail. I'm not looking forward to the 'surgery' I will be conducting tonight.

But I wonder, am I suppoed to soak my foot in beer, and then resect it? Or am I supposed to soak MYSELF by drinking beer, and THEN resect it?

I wish the people doing these searches would be more specific so I can know what it is I'm supposed to be doing.

****EDITED!***********

I've decided to OPT OUT of the beer soak, and have already begun the soaking, substituting FROZEN MARGARITA'S instead. Let the surgery begin!! *hic**