Friday, September 23, 2005
Forget Half-Nekkid Thursday... I had FULL FRONTAL FRIDAY!
Have you seen the various blogs online that celebrate Half-Nekkid Thursday? Cruise around, you'll find them... I don't participate in the Thursday thing. But today I've experienced "Full Frontal Friday"! I'm thinking I may have founded it, and raised it to an art form at the same moment. I went streaking through my parents house in all my glory. Well - as much glory as a 35 year old body that's given birth to three children can glorify that is.

I didn't actually MEAN to go streaking. And I'm horribly embarrassed right now, and I think my dad is too. I can't remember the last time he's seen me nudie.

Why did I streak? It wasn't an alcohol-induced fantasy, if that's what you're thinking. It was this:

This is a Wolf Spider.

Mr. Wolf Spider was on my shirt. Mr. Wolf Spider took a ride when I found him, as did my shirt. Then I couldn't find him because apparently my wild gyrations in the shirt removal sent him to lower ground. Now, I didn't take time to check the shirt too thoroughly. I just danced out of my pants, my underwear, and my bra with the tickly strap because it was giving me the hibbily jibbilies.

I also want you to picture in your mind... the wild head shaking and limb-flailing I was doing at the exact same time that my clothes were coming off. Ok. You got that picture? Now just two more things to throw into your mental image: High-pitched screamy sounds that I emitted. (Which I think is my bodies way of warding off insects) and the little puffs of smoke my feet left as I careened wildly through the house. By the way - the whole entire strip tease took a record 5 seconds.

I so wish this whole episode had been un-witnessed. But like they say, if wishes were farts we'd die of suffocation in a methane atmosphere.

Witnessed by, in order of their appearance: My 3 year old son, my 9 month old daughter, my 7 year old daughter, my mother, my father and lastly - my husband.

Reactions from the gallery:

3 year old: DO IT AGAIN MOMMY!
9 monther: well... how's startled eyes and tottering as fast as her newly walking legs will take her away from me sound?
7 year old: hysterics... laughter that is
Mother: Polite concern that is overwhelmed by the surpressed laughter
Father: absolute bewilderment, followed by disbelief
Husband: oh he just thought it was priceless and begged for a re-enactment after he got his video camera. (My mother seconded this idea)

Hey! This wasn't a measly little tiny spider. Wolf Spiders are huge!! I kid you not - this hairy fucker was about 2 inches in length. I swear to God! Anyway - he apparently thought I was a suitable ferry and hitched a ride on my shirt. I had been sitting on a bench in my parents back yard and brought him into the house.

But it's been a few hours now and I think the adrenaline is FINALLY leaving my body. I no longer have the uncontrollable shakes and I feel bold enough to blog about it. So enjoy my Full Frontal Friday.

posted by Norman at 6:48 PM | Permalink |


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