Thursday, November 30, 2006
Oh Crap!!!!!!!! It's COLD!!!
It's 15 degrees right now, we have 8 inches of snow on the ground, and they are expecting the temperature to go down to 7 tonight.

It's cold.

The schools were closed today, I, however, had to drive 36 miles on snow packed ice ... both ways. I slid into a ditch (twice), and almost had to change my pants (twice).

Now - all the Texans who read my blog... say the phrase out loud:

"Four wheel drive does NOT mean I can drive 75 mph on the highway when there is ice"

very good!!

Now say this:

"Four wheel drive on ice does NOT mean I am invincible!"

VERY GOOD!

Now remember that, and if I see your ass spinning out on the highway tomorrow - I'm going to LAUGH MY ASS OFF.
 
posted by Norman at 8:32 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
No Ghost Posts until further notice
Sorry guys. I know how fond some of you are of my ghost posts. But since I'm being forced to stay in this house (without another adult around), I am doing my best to ignore the OCCURRENCES.

And oh yes. There have been plenty of them.

Now - you have to understand, that just because I don't post about it all the time, doesn't mean it's not happening. I've heard lots and lots of footsteps lately, which freak me the hell out. I just don't post about it because you'd get bored hearing the same old same old all the time.

I've done my best to clean out all the larger stuffed animals that my kids have (some of them have been banished to the garage...the stuffed animals - not the kids), only leaving the smaller ones that are punt-able (again, the stuffed animals - not the kids). I'm just CONVINCED that sooner or later the ghost is going to wise up and possess one of the things.

Today when I got home, I was minding my own beeswax, when I heard a rumble sound. It sounded a lot like my garage door was opening, but that's not possible since I'm inside, and my hubby is in San Antonio. No one else has the door opener. I peeked into the garage, and sure enough, the door was up. So I hit the button to close it again, and went about minding my beeswax.

*rumble rumble rumble*

Shit.

We've got a blizzard going on outside, and the ghost decides to jack with my garage door. So I'm sufficiently freaked out, I'm guzzling a beer and taking sleep aids so that even a banshee won't wake me up tonight. (It's my sleep defense).

But until further notice - I'm not going to post about the ghost because it only scares me more.

Thanks guys! I knew you'd understand!
 
posted by Norman at 6:21 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Saturday, November 25, 2006
i am TOTALLY broke.
Every year, I have made it a POINT to avoid the much-hyped "Black Friday". I refuse to drag my lazy ass out of bed at 4:00am and shiver outside of a friggin' STORE just to get the best deals. I have made it a POINT to not have to battle the ad-waving people scrambling through the newspaper flyers, plotting out my next shopping hit while I wait for 2 hours in the cold. It's a POINT. A point about what - I'm not too sure, but it's a point. My sister, however, raises no points and decided to drag me on her shopping excursion.

The phone calls began at 3:30am, Friday

*ring*

me: "h'lo?"
evil sister: "Wake up!! We gotta go!!!"
me: *click*

3:45am
*ring*
me: "h'lo?"
evil sister: "WAKE UP!!! I'M COMING OVER"
me: *click*

4:00am
*ring*
me: "go fuck yourself"
Mom: "that's nice"
me: "oh .... oops!!! "
Mom: (clearly miffed) "Your sister would like to go shopping"
me: "tell her to go fuck herself"
Mom: *click*

4:05am
*ring*
me: "mom?"
evil sister: (taunting me) "Mom's really mad at you!! hahaha!! I'm the better daughter!!"
me: "click"
evil sister: "you didn't hang up. You just SAID click"
me: "it was a hint"
me: *click*

4:30am
*ring*
me: "You're going to wake the kids up beeeeyotch!!"
Dad: "Your mother said your language was terrible."
me: "awwww SHIT!"
dad: "Young lady. we did not raise you to talk like that..."
Me: "You also didn't raise me to wake up at ungodly hours to go spend my freaking MONEY!!"
Me: *click* .... WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM (<--- that's me whamming the phone down repeatedly)

4:45am
*ring*
me: "I'm taking the phone off the hook now"
evil sister: "No!! Wai------"
****sound of the phone being laid off the hook****

So then I slept in until 5:30am. At which point Avery decided it was a FANTASTIC time to watch 'toons. And she woke up the other two hooligans. I hung out with them for a while and drank coffee and pondered the idea of beginning my shopping. I mean.... every other year - my hubs and I have dropped the kids off with my mom and done a Shopping Blitz, finishing all of our gift-buying in one day. But then I remembered that MY HUSBAND DOES NOT LIVE HERE ANYMORE. So maybe it WOULD be a good idea to take advantage of the fact that I have people willing to watch my children (oh - and yeah, my husband was here this weekend for T-Giving) while I do my shopping.

I called my evil sister about 9:00am. And begged her forgiveness for my earlier rudeness. She was kind of miffed at me since she missed out on the "early bird" specials, but we agreed on a more (civil) time to meet up and we went a-shopping.

We started out at Best Buy, where I bought a couple of photo printers, that are normally $150, for $49.95. So I was happy with that - and ready to go home... but my sister really really REALLY wanted to go to Target. And that is where I lost all my money. I hate Target mainly because I want to buy everything in that store. And Friday - I actually TRIED to buy everything in that store. Whatever I didn't buy - my sister did. We quite literally filled up my car until nothing else would fit in it.

We left my house at 10:00am, and I didn't get back home until 8:00pm. I distinctly remember telling my husband that I would be back at the house by 12:00. Apparently, I didn't specify 12:00am or 12:00pm, and his mistake was in not asking me to clarify. Either way - I wasn't in too much trouble. And he hasn't checked the bank account lately because I'm still alive. But the majority of our shopping is DONE!! But I digress!!

We spent the majority of our day at Target. I think around 3:00pm, I realized I was seriously broke, but was unwilling to call it a day. I kept eyeballing the contents of my cart and pulling things out, calculating, recalculating, and then shoving everything back in going "To hell with it!! This is CHRISTMAS!!"

I was hanging out by the vacuum cleaners, eyeballing the Dyson's. Particularly the Purple one called the "Animal" (Spicy Cracker told me the Animal is wonderful!!), when I found it.

Know what I found? I found one of the Target Employees little walkie-talkies.

I have never had so much friggin' fun in my life!!!!

I picked it up, and turned it on. Pushed the little button, and began talking as if I was a Target Employee:

ME: "Hey Guys!! The boss says that if we get our areas zoned, we can leave EARLY!!"

The channel went silent for a minute, and then chatter picked up on the radio.

TARGET People: "FOR REALS??"

Me: "Nah - I'm just jacking with you"

TARGET People: "It's not funny. Give me a price check..."

Me: "Price check? Sure! Go ahead"

TARGET People: "How much are the TrueTech Digital Photo Frames"

Me: "Damned if I know. Why don't you just give it to them for $25?"

TARGET People: ".....$25? They're like... usually $110...."

Me: "Well.. the price today is $25"

TARGET People: "Who is this?"

Me: "I'm a customer. I found the radio, but I'm coming over to get my digital photo frame for $25"

TARGET People: "You're a guest and you have a radio? "

Me: "Yeah. I found it. This is pretty cool"

TARGET People: "Well, could you please bring the radio to guest services?"

Me: "No I don't think I want to"

TARGET People: "Well, you have to."

Me: "Hey. Finders keepers and all that... can I have a photo frame for $25?"

TARGET People: "Where are you?"

Me: "I'm over in housewares right now, but I'm walking really really fast, cause now I have to move"

TARGET People: "You know security can see you from their little bubble cameras"

Me: "Okay... I'll give you your radio... but can I have a photo frame for $25?

Target person tapping me on the back.... "No, but thank you for finding our radio..."

Me: "damn"

Then my sister made us leave.

But that's what she gets for making me go shopping the day after Thanksgiving.

**I'M CALLING A ROLL CALL!!! DID EVERYONE GET BACK OK?? LET ME KNOW!**
 
posted by Norman at 8:46 PM | Permalink | 29 comments
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Happy Birthday Guys!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Happy Birthday to each & every one of you!

What? You say it's NOT your birthday?

But it's TURKEY DAY, isn't it?

So far, I've baked a Pecan Pie, a Pumpkin Pie, Ghiradelli Brownies, and made Peppered Glazed Pecans. Yummy, no? My mother is doing the turkey, a pork roast, twice baked potatoes, and all the yummy stuff that goes so well with Thanksgiving. My boss is bringing German Cucumber Salad..

~~scrreeeeeech!!!~~

MY BOSS??!!

yep. You read that correctly. My Boss. Am I the biggest KISS ASS in the world or what?! Actually - you guys (that read me regularly that is) know that my boss is pretty cool. She had been planning on going to Denver for Thanksgiving, when her daughter was informed that "she will work Thursday night or be fired". So. They decided to stay here. Which leaves just the two of them by themselves for the holiday. Now - everyone knows that Thanksgiving is supposed to be a huge riotious affair with big gatherings. I can provide the riot with my kiddos alone. Anyhoo - we invited her to come, and she IMMEDIATELY accepted. I kinda thought she would politely decline - since she'd already bought her turkey and all... but she and her daughter jumped at the invitation. So I'm glad! And you guys can call me an ass-kisser all you want. I don't care (much).

Have a SAFE holiday everyone. When you return from whereever you are going for Thanksgiving - I demand a roll-call so that I will know that each and every one of you is safe and accounted for.

I'm serious.

~Norman!
 
posted by Norman at 8:18 PM | Permalink | 13 comments
Monday, November 20, 2006
Bah!!!! Humbug!!!
Now - usually, I try to confirm information before sending it out via e-mail, but this actually sounds "true". So forgive me if I'm spreading a lie, but this really pissed me off.

You know those little gift cards you buy at places like Best Buy, Target, Circuit City or WalMart? The ones where you put money on them so that you can let your friends or family go buy the gift they actually WANT instead of the ones they receive?

Weeeelll.... I just got this over e-mail. Check this out:

"Just a little warning before traditional gift giving time. Well the crooks have found a way to rob you of your gift card balance. If you buy Gift Cards from a display rack that has various store cards you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store and then wait a few days and call to see how much of a balance THEY have on the card. Once they find the card is "activated", they go online and start shopping.
You may want to purchase your card from a customer service person, where they do not have the Gift Cards viewable to the public. "


So remember. I got this over e-mail and Snopes didn't have it listed in the Urban Legend Page. If someone can find out the accuracy of this - I'd sure appreciate it. Right now - it's just pissed me off...

Oh - and POLL'S CLOSED!! SNUFFY IS THE BETTER SPANKER!! You freaks!!!


Norman!

**edit**

One more thing - Like I said - I'm not totally sure it's true, but please try to tell as many people as possible about this. It would totally SUCK to give someone a gift card with a zero balance. Wanna know what I'm gonna do about this? I'm going to tell our Crime Stoppers coordinator about this and see if he'll put it out in a public announcement.

SECOND EDIT!

WOOHOOO!!!! I SCOOPED SNOPES!

NOW it's on snopes. Here's the linky-poo so you can go read for yourselves. IT'S TRUE!
 
posted by Norman at 8:00 PM | Permalink | 6 comments
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Weekend Poll!
Woohoo!! I got the Weekend Poll up on SATURDAY!!

All you Furries Fetish people voted for the Devil Spawn Chuck E. Cheese last weekend. So - let's keep going with the theme!

Your question this week is:

Who do YOU think gives the best *spankings*?


























Chuck E. Cheese OR.... MR. SNUFFLEUPAGUS!!






Who do YOU think gives the best *spankings*?!
Chuck E. Cheese
Mr. Snuffleupagus
Free polls from Pollhost.com







When I was but a wee one growing up in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, I absolutely LIVED for Mr. Snuffleupagus!! It drove me CRAZY that adults could never see Big Bird's beloved Snuffy. In fact - I would call my mother to the TV and say "THEE???? Mommy THEE???? Itth Mr. Thnufflapuaguth!!" (yeah - I had a lithp). And my mom, would tell me "Huh? I see Big Bird, but I don't see a Mr. Snuffleupagus!!"

And you guys wonder why I'm insane. My mother and Sesame Street made me schizo.

So there you have it. And remember, as always: VOTING IS MANDATORY!!!
 
posted by Norman at 7:02 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Friday, November 17, 2006
stupid stupid STUPID!!!
That's what I am: STUPID!!!

Let me tell you what I'm doing for entertainment tonight. I'm logged in to eBay, watching all the PS3 auctions zoom through the roof. The sniping on there is unbelievable!! With 7 seconds left on an auction - people will jump the bids up by $200 - $300 !! Incredible! Go watch it! (oh...but come back here when you're thru)

The PS3's sold for $599 (for the 60 model). They are selling for about $2700 on eBay.

I absolutely HATE it when I miss out on an opportunity!! DAMN IT!!!!! I COULD HAVE HAD MY CARPET PAID FOR IN FULL WITH EXTRA TO SPARE!!!!

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!!

And you want to know something else?? People are selling these PS3's at an incredible profit....and they are STILL charging for shipping fees. Talk about GREEDY!!

DAMN IT!!! I MISSED THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE GREEDY!!


So anyway - I'll calm down in regards to my missed opportunity ass kicking I'm giving myself tonight, and I'll be back tomorrow with the Weekend Poll!! It'll be CHUCK E. CHEESE VS. ??????. Tune in tomorrow for the poll (and voting is .... as always.... MANDATORY!!)
 
posted by Norman at 7:10 PM | Permalink | 4 comments
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
I ate fritos tonight.
And I kept thinking about that dadgum picture down below. Yuckkity.

Well folks - time for the good news bad news thingie.

GOOD NEWS! My plumbing leak was not as much as I thought it would be ($687, but you already know that...huh?)

Bad News. It ruined the carpet in our daughters' room

Worse News. I think it's moldy now.

Even Worse News. I have to replace the carpet.

Let Me Repeat the Even Worse News. I HAVE TO REPLACE THE CARPET.

Good News. I'M GETTING NEW CARPET IN THE WHOLE HOUSE!!!

Better News. IT'S NOT GOING TO COST ME AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT

Even Better News! I don't have any other than I'm getting new carpet.

So excuse me while I go try to pick up "loose items" on the floor and just leave the carpet guys the bigger things to carry.

Norman!!
 
posted by Norman at 7:50 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
So THIS is how they make Fritos!!
My sister is a sick-o. This is something else she's sent me:




I can't figure out who's grosser. My sister or this picture. Either way, you can rest assured that I will never eat Fritos evAR again.

The poll is closed!!! And the Furries Fetish people won out!! I'm glad some of you tried to reason out your election of the mouse as a suitable boinking partner by trying to say that there just *might* be a hot guy/girl under there. But no. It's a mouse. You sick people.

Alright!! So stay tuned for next weekend's poll. Oh and btw - I start school up again tonight, so now you prolly won't get posts from me on Tuesdays instead of Wednesdays. If you're curious, I'm taking Literature. I'm so going to fail.

nOrMaN!!!

 
posted by Norman at 4:41 AM | Permalink | 9 comments
Monday, November 13, 2006
Spotted on the 'nets
My sister introduced me to the wonders of Craigs List last night.

Don't laugh - This rip roarin' town hasn't stepped up to the miracle of the List yet. So she was showing me some of her favs on that list - and I found this:

The Pringle Story:

Don't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff. The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards.

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards.

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.

************


...and then she sent me some other stuff, which I shall share with you shortly.

hooboy. I'm tired. This single-mommy stuff is TOUGH!! Thank goodness my parents live right up the road. I don't know how else I would deal with this.

I slept with all the lights on in the house last night cuz I was a skeerdy kat. My kids think I'm off my rocker. I think I am.

I'll close the poll when I get home tonight - but let me just say that I'm amazed at all of you guys with a furries fetish!!! WOW!!

Have a great Monday guys!
 
posted by Norman at 4:30 AM | Permalink | 7 comments
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Weekend Poll Time!!
Told ya I'd get it up this weekend!!! (ooohoooo!! That sounded nasty again!!)

In honor of Ethan's Party from Hell at the Mouse Hole, I thought I'd make you vote for - the Mouse himself!

Your question of the week, and remember that VOTING IS MANDATORY is this:

Which one would you rather boink?




Liberace
or
Chuck E. Cheese?







Which one would YOU rather boink
Liberace
Chuck E. Cheese
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Remember, if you are reading this... YOU MUST VOTE! I don't care HOW asinine the question is. I wanna know.

And yeah - i DO know that the picture of Liberace is actually an Action Figure but hey - I figure he's up against a fuzzy fake mouse, so we're even.

Ethan's party went a LOT better than the rioting mob from last week. I guess the kids finally resigned themselves to the fact that a 6 foot mouse would be hopping out at them, but thankfully - the mouse didn't EXPLODE out of the door in a surprise appearance.

Of course, we forgot our camera (the hell were we thinking??), but my dad brought his. So as soon as he sends some pics to me - I'll get those posted.

In the meantime ..... VOTE VOTE VOTE!
 
posted by Norman at 5:08 PM | Permalink | 15 comments
Friday, November 10, 2006
Don't complain. I warned you I'd be posting sporadically.
Well - no one's complaining, but I feel guilty for my lack of posts, and then when i DO post, it's something depressing.

It's crazy here guys!! Absolutely crazy!!

First - let me tell you that I got a BIG PROMOTION at work today. Wow. I did NOT see this coming. In fact, it was a "surprise" promotion. Crappity. I already warned them that I might be moving. Maybe it's incentive for me to stay. AND... my promotion was retro-active, which means I already got my $$ on this weeks check. Niiiiiiice!!

Until I got home and discovered the $687 bill from the plumber for our water leak.

all that money I just got in my raise?? *****ZAP!******

But then I got my commission check from Pampered Chef, and actually got paid from THEM at a higher level because I did so well last month. But again - with that water leak.... ****FLUSH***** It's gone too.

I should have known it'd be pricey when I heard them break out the jackhammer.

But oh well - it's fixed so I should be thankful that I got off for under a thousand dollars. The last time my slab got jackhammered, (oooo, that sounded nasty, didn't it??) it cost me roughly $15,000. So I'm actually relieved.

In the meantime, Ethan has turned FIVE!!! We had a small family party for him on Tuesday, and he is having "The Mouse Hell Party" tomorrow at 4:00pm. I'm also doing a Pampered Chef party at 10:00am, and then helping the hubs pack up for his move. I'm hellishly busy. And Bitchy. Very very bitchy. Ask my husband and kids. They'll tell ya.

So that's the status of MOI. What's new with you guys?

Oh - and here's a couple pictures of the Ethanator's family party. Enjoy!!


Just a quick explanation about his glum face here. I had put the "relighting candles" on his cake. He blew the candles out, and they sparked back up. This is him backing away from the cake and trippin' over the ghostly candles!!

I'm FIVE!!!

And I'll try to get the weekend poll up sometime tomorrow!! Remember, voting is mandatory!!

 
posted by Norman at 5:05 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Serves...her...right....
HA!

I love it.

First - my uncle is doing worse. Not only have they discovered that he has a Staph Infection in his blood, but they THINK it might be settling in his brain. Also - as well as having a failing liver, and a blockage in his heart, they discovered that he has a problem with his prostate.

None of this is good news.

But in the bittersweet HA HA realm...

My uncle's brother called my selfish cousin and told her (this is an exact quote too!! hehehehe) " Pull your head out of your ASS. There will be NO GD garage sale this weekend. If you want a garage sale, do it your own GD'd self at your own GD'd house."

Of course, he didn't say GD... he said THE WORD. (I'll not repeat it...mmm'kay?)

Which I thought was pretty funny. But you know what her response is? (Oh, this is priceless...) She GRACIOUSLY offered to move the garage sale back to NEXT weekend so that my Aunt would be able to help. She'll mark it in her planner.

Sweet ain't she?

LOL

Oh well..If nothing else - it's serving as a distraction so that I can take my mind off my uncle.

HEY - when I got home today, we discovered a WATER LEAK in our bathroom. CRAP!!! My husband is leaving Monday to move 10 hours away, and I'm supposed to try to start selling our house! HOW AM I GOING TO DO THAT WITH A WATER LEAK?! CRAP CRAP CRAP!

and damn.
 
posted by Norman at 5:28 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Either title works: "Every Family Has One" or "What IS it with my family and Staph?!"
My mom told me this morning that my uncle was admitted to the VA hospital last night. This is pretty distressing to me, since my aunt & uncle are what I consider "second parents". I used to live with them in Arlington, TX back in the early 90's, and I've always known their home as a place to go and not have to knock to get in.

He was disoriented last night, and having trouble controlling "body functions". The guy isn't that old. Way to young to be acting like this, so my cousin took him to the VA (thank GOD she was home). While he was there, he went to the restroom, got dizzy, passed out in the bathroom and smashed his face up pretty good into the toilet seat. He's a big guy. I'm sure he hit pretty hard. He took out the bathroom mirror on his way down. So anyway. They "observed" him for awhile and sent him home when he seemed to have stabilized. This morning when he woke up, he was worse than he was the night before - so back to the hospital they went, and this time they've admitted him for good.

So far, the test results are that he has a Staph Infection IN HIS BLOOD. He's got a blockage in his heart, and his liver is barely functioning (he's not a drinker). To me - it sounds like his body is trying to shut down. His prognosis is not good. My father told me the fatality rate on older people with a blood staph infection is pretty high. I'm very sad about this.

But where I'm saying "Every family has one"... is the one person in your family who is totally...utterly... clueless, selfish, soulless,,, you name it. I'm so very disappointed in my older cousin.

Apparently, my other cousin (not the one who took him to the hospital - this is a different one), is upset because my aunt and her had planned on having a HUGE garage sale at their house this weekend. Obviously, this won't be happening. Or at least, that's the assumption any RATIONAL HUMAN BEING would make. But not this cousin. She has been calling my aunt at least ONCE an hour, telling her that she needs to go home and get some rest so that she'll have enough energy to do the GARAGE SALE this weekend.

Say Wha wha wha???? Are you on Crack o cousin o' mine? What the HELL are you thinking?? (obviously - I'm ranting at my cousin vicariously thru ya'll) Your mother's husband....the ONLY FATHER YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN... is lying in the hospital DEATHLY ILL. And you're worried about a frickin' GARAGE SALE?? o dear god. You have surely smoked too much of teh weed or something. Or you need to SMOKE some weed and GET OVER YOURSELF.

OK. She doesn't read this blog, so I'll stop yelling at her thru ya'll now.

Seriously, this girl has ISSUES. All caps there. Notice that. ISSUES. Not issues. She's one of those people that tries to do everything, and then plays the martyr. You know the type? I just want to crack her head open sometimes. She's one of those insane soccer moms/hockey moms/Stepford wives that you see bad Hollywood Movies made out of. She is the EPITOME of the stereotypes you see in there.

Yes guys... people like her truly exist. It is not a Hollywood illusion.

I knew I never liked her much growing up. Now I know why.

Norman

***For those of you that pray, please pray for my uncle to get better. He's good folk.
 
posted by Norman at 7:04 PM | Permalink | 12 comments
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Riot at the Mouse House!
We just got back from taking Ethan to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Oh dear God. What have I done?! Ethan's birthday party (he'll be 5!!!) is next weekend at the very same hellish child's playground. I'm now dreading it.

First - the cost of having a birthday party at this Mouse Hole has skyrocketed astronomically. When Ashton was 4, she had a birthday party there, and the thing was about $5.99 per child. About 7 kiddo's showed, and the hubby and I congratulated ourselves on celebrating her birthday frugally. But now - Ethan has decided that he must, he MUST have his party there. Coincidently - a little boy in Ethan's class had HIS party there tonight, and my husband and I now have an inkling of what next weekend will be like. We are frightened. You see - I made the reservations, and was SHOCKED to find out that the price per child has risen to $9.99/head. Ouch. Hopefully - not all the kids (11 of them) will show. But according to the mother tonight...sweet dreams, but it ain't gonna happen. Every single kid in Ethan's class was there ALONG with their siblings.

But that's not all. Out of 11 children invited, they ended up with 23. ANNNDD -- there's no polite way for the hosting parent to tell the invited 5 year old guest that their baby brother/sister/cousin's uncle's girlfriend's child cannot attend. At least, that was the gist of the conversation I had with the mother tonight. The table next to their party was set up and it seemed as if this other family was experiencing the very same dilemma that this party was having.

To put it lightly - it was complete and utter chaos in that room.

and....
then....

The Mouse himself showed up. Now - apparently, the employee who was ensconced in the costume was a new employee and VERY ENTHUSIASTIC about being Chuck E. Cheese. So - he came CHARGING out of the room that the mouse makes his grand entrance in with the song "WHO LET THE MOUSE OUT" blaring thru the speakers. (Obviously - Who let the mouse out is a rip off of the Baha Men song.. Just thought I'd throw that in there) And he BOUNCED. Out the door, down the aisles and bounced right on up to the first table (the one we were sitting at) while 23 (and 23 more at the table next to us) children sat in silence.

The silence should have clued us in. We had no clue that the children were slowly coiling those hidden springs that children have in their bodies....

Complete Pandemonium ensued. Roughly 50 children went completely still for about 3 seconds, before either shitting themselves, or trying to rocket out of the room where the mouse had them caged. Children were climbing UP on to tables and launching themselves on the first adult available. I caught Avery as she dove underneath a table - and my husband collared Ethan as he screamed past us on his third lap around the room searching for an exit. For some reason - all these children who were just wild about Chuck E. decided that he was now an EVIL SATANIC MOUSE and sought cover (and I don't think they are wrong.) Chuck E. Cheese though, was bouncing off the wall, trying to find the door from which he had just come out. However - a small child had run into Chuck E. full tilt, and knocked Chuck E's head sideways. The mouse was now blind and couldn't turn the head back to where the person inside could see. Apparently - Chuck E. Cheese has strict rules about the employee impersonating the mouse to never NEVER remove the head while in view of the children. The sight of the mouse frantically bashing itself into walls and falling over, frightened the children even further. One of the older children in the room shrieked out the Chuck E. had RABIES, which didn't help the panic level at all.

Finally, the Chuck E. Cheese manager made it into the showroom, (he had a time trying to get in cause of the steady outflow of terrified children), and managed to escort Chuck E. Cheese back thru the door from which he came.

And it began to calm down. Kinda. All we heard was crys of "Moommmy!!! Mommmyyy!!!" and sniffles and hiccups. The parents were trying to get the birthday boy to open his gifts, but he was too frightened to sit down at the table. We finally coaxed the children back into the showroom, but that was no easy task. Most of them had made it into the playroom area and taken refuge in the gerbil tubes, refusing to exit. My hubs climed up the tubes and started pushing the kids out. He said they were all sitting in one of the tubes in a line... kinda like a miniature sit down strike. But - he just pushed one into the other until they cascaded down the curling slide and another parent caught them as they came out. Each parent grabbed a crying child and brought them back into the Lair of the Mouse. We got them to sit at the table, but they all kept sneaking looks at the door to make sure that DEVIL MOUSE wouldn't make another bouncing appearance.

When the last gift was opened, we said our goodbyes, and left. As we drove away - I asked Ethan "WHY?? WHY do you want your party there if you are soooo scared of Chuck E. Cheese?".

"I don't know."

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... I'll let you know how it goes.
 
posted by Norman at 5:54 PM | Permalink | 15 comments
It's finally happened
It took having THREE children, but it's finally happened. I've gone insane. I've often wondered when this would happen.

I noticed it this week. First, you have to understand that I love to read. It's an escape for me. I start reading a good book, and it's like I have my very own movie inside my head. I love it. But lately- I've been becoming very very irritated with the authors of books. Why in the HELL do they take so long to describe a scene? I find myself skipping over entire pages of prose just to get to the point. Seriously. Just today - I was reading a little bit in a book about a woman that walked into a sanetarium with a newborn baby. The reason she was there was because she needed to leave the baby with them since the baby had Down's Syndrome, and the parents didn't want to take care of the baby (the time was 1964). Now look. I understand that the author was trying to lay groundwork that the woman was conflicted about leaving a baby in such a place, but did she have to go on and on and on for 3 pages about the curtains? The curtains aren't even symbolic of anything, the author is just one of those people that think they need to desribe EVERYTHING in minute detail. Just say there were dirty dusty velvet curtains in the waiting room!!! Be done with it and go on!!! ARRRRRGHHHHH

I became so very incensed with this book, that I shut it and retreated to the comfort of watching the "Doodle Bops" and "This is Daniel Cook". You know. Stories with simplistic plots and storylines that are super easy to follow. I've also discovered that I absolutely LOVE the theme song to "This is Daniel Cook". Here: You can click on this link, turn up your speakers and hear the song I'm talking about. Go ahead. It's not long, I'll wait...

See? Catchy huh? I find that song reverberating in my head all....frickin....day....long. That and the Doodle Bops.. I find I much prefer songs like that and in fact have the Kidz Bop CD in my car as opposed to Nickelback.

So I must've gone insane. I was so worried about DeeDee today because she lost her voice and couldn't sing in the Doodlebops concert. So very sad.

.....and I was going to post the Weekend poll that was supposed to be posted yesterday today, but my kids are screaming - I just heard something crash in the next room, and I can hear my husband yelling about something. So now I need to go figure out what happened and go put everyone in time out (including the husband because SOMETHING is broken and he was supposed to be watching them for 15 minutes while I updated my blog and apparently that didn't happen). Besides - Doodle Bops is playing a bonus episode and I don't wanna miss it.

****NEWSFLASH*****

I got sick and tired of the anonymous e-mail service I was using as a contact for this blog. Effectively IMMEDIATELY, you can email me at itsnorman@gmail.com. I've changed my contact in the blog sidebar. For those of you that occasionally e-mail me at the mindless.com address, I will be deleting that service!! it's TERRIBLE! Now I've got to go find all those places that I've left the old e-mail addy at and change it. Busy times I have.....
 
posted by Norman at 8:32 AM | Permalink | 9 comments
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
More Halloween Photos!
Since Blogger wouldn't let me upload them last night... you get them today. Besides, I just took my final at school tonight, so I don't really have anything fun to post (aside from the freaky ghost post that I don't have written yet....)

So make sure you tell me how cute my kids are!!


 
posted by Norman at 8:32 PM | Permalink | 13 comments
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com