Monday, July 30, 2007
a post!
"patience is a virtue"
 
posted by Norman at 9:40 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Sunday, July 22, 2007
ADIOS! (until Thursday)
Ok my peoples. I've gotten a couple of comments on this blog about my silence, and about a bazillion e-mails from well-wishers.

We're moving in to our new house (have been since Saturday), and we won't have cable access (or internet access) until Thursday!

I just dropped by my sister's to check e-mail and read about 15 messages of "WHERE ARE YOU!?"

So, I'll be back online Thursday...but then I'm travelling back up to Amarillo to get my childrens!! I miss them so much!

So - stay tuned Normaneers, and don't forget- I have to read my Harry Potter book as well....
 
posted by Norman at 6:54 PM | Permalink | 13 comments
Monday, July 09, 2007
Norman's Top Five Most Embarassing Moments: #5
Don't you hate getting embarrassed? Even the word embarrassed sounds embarrassing. Look at it:



em BARE ASS ed



Just let it all hang out baby.... you're em BARE ASSed.



I was thinking today about embarrassing moments I've had throughout my life. There was no particular reason for thinking of the embarrassments, but I was dwelling on it. Then I thought....hey - this might make for some fun posts. I was going to do the top ten...but honestly - I'm pretty hard to embarrass, so you'll have to settle for five. Deal with it. I know I am.



But to start it off, I'll give you the Fifth most embarrassing moment of my life



The Hummer



All right. I can tell you guys are right now in a tizzy thinking I'm going to be talking about this kind of Hummer (reference: definition #1), but I'm not. I'm talking about the CAR.



Waaaaaay back in the 90's, Hummer's were showing up as "civilian's vehicles", after the government was thru with their military service. So when these Hummer's were coming back from the Gulf, the government was removing the specialized accessories and selling them to the public.



Now, San Antonio has a TON of military bases here, and we were always seeing "exhibits" of military paraphenalia hanging around town. We could climb on them, play on them, all sorts of crap. No big deal. It was a blast.



So one day, my sister and I were walking out of the grocery store when we saw one of the Hummer's back...fresh from the Gulf. It still had the camo paint job on it, and had chock blocks under the wheels (cause apparently, the brake systems on these things were for shit). Excited to finally see one up close, we walked up to it and cased it out. Noticing that the door was unlocked, I excitedly pulled it open and climbed on in. Gleefully, I grabbed hold of the steering wheel, and making motor sounds with my mouth, bounced around like I was driving over some pretty rough terrain.... BRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAA....BBBROOOOOOOOMMMM...(yeah, I was in my early twenties at this point.)



My sensible older sister was hovering around outside checking out the vehicle, when a man came up and watched us.



"Hi!" he said, amicably.

"Hi!!!" I replied, "BRAAAAAAAAAOOOOOMMMMMMM!!! VAAARROOOOM!!!!"



"Would you please get out of my car?" was his polite request



"whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????" was my intelligent reply, while I looked for my sister.



I saw her. She was standing by MY car laughing her frickin' ass off.



Apparently, (and I'm sure you guys have now figured this out faster than I did) this was NOT an exhibition car. It was a private car, and I got kicked out.



So. Very. Embarrassing.



Stay tuned for the Fourth Most Embarrassing Moment in Norman's Life at a later time!

p.s. I'm sure every single one of you will want to know that I have found THE PERFECT HOUSE! I put an offer on it Sunday.... and they ACCEPTED! WOOT! We close on July 2oth. I sure hope my husband likes it because he hasn't seen it yet!!! AHHAHAHAHAAAA!
 
posted by Norman at 8:47 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Friday, July 06, 2007
OK FINE. Here's your DAMN POST
Since Freak is crackin' the whip over me, (which doesn't mean I don't necessarily love whip-cracking), here's a brief update on my very favorite subject: Me.

I'm still looking at houses. I either find a house that I love from pictures, but get there and find out that the prior owners liked sacrificing chickens in the house, or I find a beautiful house that is in an unacceptable neighborhood (i.e. bad schools or no yards...)

I'm in a snit that I haven't find THE HOUSE yet. So let's move on to other subjects.

Apparently - Eva Longoria got married. Also - she lives here in San Antonio. This is a little factoid I was not previously aware of. (Yes, i DO walk around with my head up my ass thankyouverymuch)

Now - San Antonio has some very beautiful and historic areas and San Antonio was hoping that Ms. Longoria would do the nuptial thingie HERE.

That was not in her plan. She got married in gay Pareeeeeeee. OOOOO la la!!!
This little elopement of hers pissed off the San Antonio columnists. I present to you, the response by the San Antonio Express News Staffers to her absconding to have her very own dream wedding.

Click the damn link below and laugh your ass off with me. I've already watch the stupid thing 8 times.

Eva Longoria's Wedding - Using dolls...


ok. Didja watch it? Didja piss your pants?

Norman!
 
posted by Norman at 8:26 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Sunday, July 01, 2007
HI!!!!! Remember me?!
Hi my babies!

Sorry I've been such a terrible blog-host lately. I've had a little dose of life being thrown at me really fast lately.

Some interesting things I've seen in the past week:

A Haitian-looking guy walking down the street at 7:00am with a suitcase in each hand and three boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts balancing on his head.

A blind transvestite hooker with his/her guide dog

A bunch of assorted Emos

Five feet of floodwaters cascading past my sister's house, forcing me to drive 10 miles around the crossing when her house was visible from the floodwaters

and....

25 toads getting it on in the small hand-made pond in my sister's back yard

See? I may be busy, but I still take time to observe the things around me. And those things....were all blog-worthy in their own right - except that they've happened and now I've forgotten all the events that led up to them. I'm ADD that way.

So - my new job at the VLC is so very cool. It took them FOUR DAYS to cover all the benefits that will be mine now that I've joined up. FOUR DAYS. InCREDible. I'm extremely happy, and I think I will be staying there for quite a while...unless my former brother in law gets me fired, that is.

My sister decided to tell me on the day before I started that her ex-hubby worked there. HOLY CRAP! I haven't seen/talked to that sorry piece of dogshit since the day he walked out on my sister, which is probably a good thing because for sure I'd be going to hell with what I'd tell him.

But nope, he works at the VLC. AND, so does his little homewrecker that he married 10 days after their divorce was final.

Norman will have to be on her best behavior when it comes to those two. The good news is that it will be unusual to run into him or her because there are well over 14,000 employed there. The bad news is that, the longer I stay there, the more likely it is that our paths will cross.

And the even badder news is that even if our paths cross, I'll have to be all nice to him and everything because the gossip we've heard is that the guy was just diagnosed with liver cancer. So I can't be mean to him.... sucks to be me.

But - HEY! I'm alive, and I'm wondering what all YOU guys have been up to! And don't worry if you don't hear from me too much in the next few weeks. Our closing on the house has been moved up from August 15th to July 13th. WE'RE HOUSE HUNTING!

I'll post pics of my new house as soon as we buy it!

NORM!
 
posted by Norman at 5:44 PM | Permalink | 11 comments
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