Thursday, August 30, 2007
spooky!!! (a semi-ghost post)
Well now.

I don't have a wee ghostie in my house, but weird things STILL happen. And now it's not JUST ME.

Weird things are now occurring to Avery. I love this stuff. It runs in the family.

Now, do you guys remember me telling you about the time I dreamt about my dead grandmother, then the next day my other grandmother died? Well I did. In a nutshell, for those who don't know, I had an extremely vivid dream of my late grandmother. It was so vivid that I thought it was real. The next morning, I called my mom and told her I had "seen" her mother because the dream felt so real. The feeling I had taken from the dream was that my grandmother was proud of me, and there was an overwhelming feeling of love. When my other grandmother died the next day, my mom told me that because of my dream, she felt my grandmother showed herself to me in my dream to let me know that she'd take care of my other grandmother. They were great friends when they were alive. It was a very comforting thought. However, I hope she isn't offended when I say that I hope I don't see her again any time soon!!

So anyway, my mother told me that her mother (the grandmother I dreamt about), "knew" things. More specifically - she knew when a family member would die. My mother said her intuition on this was uncanny. She would just wake up some mornings, and say "There's going to be a loss today" and sure enough, later on the notification would arrive. So when I tell my mother that I have dreams of relatives and I feel they are very real - she believes me.

Luckily - I don't dream of family members that are passed....often. Not until lately.

Lately - I've been having some extremely vivid dreams of my uncle that died about a year ago. The first dream was quite disturbing because my uncle died unexpectedly. In the dream I had, he was laying in his bedroom with a look of outright terror on his face. I walked into the room and ran right back out (in my dream). I stood outside his room for a minute, then thought, I need to talk to him. So I went back to his room. He was still in his bed with the fear on his face as I explained to him that he was dead and we all missed him. He calmed down somewhat and I woke up.

Since then, I've had a few small (vivid) dreams of him yet. Some of the dreams he looks okay, and other dreams allow me contact with him. The last dream I had of him I just hugged him and told him how much he was missed. These dreams are confusing to me because while I've grown up with the man my whole life, and he's been like a second father to me....we weren't particularly "close". I's hard to explain - but i DID love him a lot and he was family. It's just hard to explain. Anyway - so it's strange to me as to why I continue to dream about him.

I mentioned this to my mother and she seems to think it's because of 2 reasons. Reason 1: She feels I've inherited the "gift" that my grandmother had, and since I'm receptive to things like this, it's easy for him to come to me and get a message across. and Reason 2: She's also of the opinion that he needs prayers for something, and maybe by coming to me, I'll get the message out to the family and they can pray for his soul. But he's Jewish so I don't know for sure what the whole protocol is for Jewish prayer since I'm Catholic. Very confusing.

But now! Avery is doing it.

When I have these dreams, the only person I really tell about them is my mother. She's the only one that really believes me about this. My dad -- well - we believes me as well - but only because he knew my grandmother and the way she was. So he believes me too ...but I only talk to my mother when I have these dreams.

I've been dreaming of my uncle a lot in the past few days, and apparently I'm not getting the message he wants out enough. Because the other day, Avery got up and first thing out of her mouth was: "Uncle Jerry!" and she started babbling in her 2 year old language that doesn't always make sense. And yesterday she did the same thing. About 30 minutes ago - she asked me about Uncle Jerry. She asked me if he was around. I said no. She said, "No! Uncle Jerry is waaaaay up in the sky but he says HELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

When I talk to my mom about Uncle Jerry, Avery is no where around. So it's shocking that she's dreaming about the same person as I am.

And now I'm afraid for my other uncle. Maybe he's here again to let us know that's going to help with my Uncle Johnny. My Uncle Johnny recently had a stroke, and being that he's over 80, his system is failing. His kidney's are shutting down.

I've only met this uncle about 3 times in my life because he lives in the mountains of Vermont and my mother and him were never close. He's considerably older than my mother and besides, he doesn't like to travel. I think my Uncle Jerry might be here to help guide him.

Avery and I will keep you posted...
posted by Norman at 5:33 PM | Permalink | 4 comments
Monday, August 27, 2007
Wouldja lookee there

see that teeny little pink counter in my sidebar? Did you see it? Did you SEE?

I've passed 100,000 visits to my page.


imagine that.

100,000 hits where people know for absolutely certain...100% positively sure ... that I'm an idiot. Is that a bad thing?


An observation I made today:

People find the most imaginative ways to wreck their cars. I thoroughly enjoy visiting with them. Especially since I get to ask them WHY they felt the need to wreck their car in that particular manner. I especially like the man that told me it wasn't his fault...the hooker hit the gear shift while she was giving him head...thus causing his car to drop the transmission and ram into the tree.

I think that was his subtle way of saying it was none of my business. I hope.


Subservient No More asked me a question in my prior comments. She wanted to know if my ghost followed me to San Antonio. I'm happy to report that there have been no signs of the spook thus far.

Unfortunately , this probably means that I will no longer have anything interesting to tell you. Will ya'll still visit me? Cuz if you say no, I'm shutting down. Just warning you guys. So please say you'll still visit.

Also - Subservient wanted to know if my coffee ever showed up from two years ago. It did... here's the post in which we discovered the ectoplasmic coffee.
posted by Norman at 7:37 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Saturday, August 25, 2007
FINALLY! (a post in which I stick a bunch of pictures)

Well, a little over month later, my computer has finally been unpacked. WOOHOO!! That means that I now have access to my photo drive. So - I know it's a month later -- but here's a picture of MY HOUSE!! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET! (love that song...)

And here's the backyard. It's a regular forest out there:

And here's part of the downstairs (I don't have the entire house photo'd yet , but this is before we moved in....and my sister on the steps). Oh - by the way - Avery fell down the stairs last night and busted her lip open. :(

We love our house. Not so much the "pet" that came with the house. It's name is Fred. Here it is:

Icky, huh? And it's really really big. Here it is from far away :

I took the second picture. My man took the close up of it -- but I think he used the zoom lens.

OK. That's it for now! We're going to the zoo today!

peace out dudes!

posted by Norman at 9:38 AM | Permalink | 12 comments
Monday, August 20, 2007
Norman revealed!
Oh put your panties back on. I'm not really revealed...I'm just going to give you a little background on myself that most of you are not privy to!

Ya ready?!

We all know that I've moved. I quit a job, moved towns, and started a new job blah blah blahbbity blah yadda yadda yadda. I've whined enough about that - you know the story...

But PART of the story as to why I've remained anonymous in here is for two reasons. The first is to protect my kiddos. I've posted enough about them and there are some real sickos out there that I really don't want to post too much info about myself as to become easily identifiable. The second part is because of my former job. It was essential that I not reveal too much about where I worked or what I did because it was a smaller town where I was and I didn't want people pissed off about me when I made fun of them (i.e. The Assblaster)

But - a couple of people that I worked with have stumbled across this blog (Hi Anonymous Farm Wife!) and while I'm sure that they'll protect me and my identity, I'm ready to share a little bit more about what I did....mainly so you can appreciate the huge difference of what I did then to what I do now.

I used to work at a "bomb factory", as Anonymous Farm Wife so fondly put it. It was probably the most interesting and important job that I've ever done - or will ever do. While I didn't actually build bombs, I got to hang out around them (only when i had a need to though!). Pretty interesting stuff I'll tell you. But my function at the ol' bomb factory was fun. I got to work in the intelligence field. And that was where some of my anxieties would fire up. I loved this blog because after seeing some of the info that would rattle through the networks over there, this was a great place to unwind and act stupid and ridiculous and just blow off steam. Believe it or not - beneath my dumbass exterior, I do have a brain, and I must say I did a great job for my employer and the folks up at headquarters as well. I got to meet a former kgb agent, and visited with some higher muckity mucks, all in the name of national security. I'll always remember my time there! Fun stuff, but nerve wracking.

And then, my husband got the job offer here in San Antonio. The offer was enough that it was questionable as to whether I would even need a job or not. However, once we got into the benefits aspect, we decided that I should get a job....just for medical benefits. Which is what I did. But I was ready for a change. Really. Seeing some of the stuff that's happening out there is frightening, and I wanted a change. So now I'm working a behind the scenes job in a HUGE company with lots of people... and I'm having the time of my life!

I think.

Let's see. Instead of counterintelligence awareness campaigns, I now answer phones and pay insurance claims for a living. And I'm sitting in a call center with earphones and a little microphone dilly thing on my head. Awesome!! And last Friday - some guy threatened to sue me, just because I answered the phone! I've never had a complete stranger yell at me on the phone before, and I must say I was pretty good about not taking it personally. In fact, when he told me he was going to sue me, I spelt my name for him so he would get it right on the lawsuit papers.

Now, since I'm new and technically still in training, me and the little group of people that started with me having roving helpers that walk around and come to us when we need help. Hearing this irate man on the phone triggered me to pop out of my chair like a jack in the box and wave my hands around to get their attention. The whole time I was trying to placate the jerk on the other end of the phone. Seeing my distress signal, the helper (who just happens to be my instructor) came to my phone, and plugged in his headset to mine. This enables him to hear the conversation, but not talk to the person on the other end. HOWEVER - he can give me prompts as to the correct things to say. He plugged in when the man threatened to sue me for the third time. Hearing the threat, my instructor nudged me, and I turned around, expecting to have a notepad full of useful advice. What I got was a grown man making moose antlers on his head, crossing his eyes, and sticking his tongue out at me. Niiiiiiiiice.

"Hey! Didja hear me!!?? I want my goddamned claim paid, and I want my check NOW! I've told you once, and I'll tell you again! I'm going to sue you, your company and anyone else who's had contact with this claim!!!!!!!"

BONUS!! He just moved on from me and the company to "anyone else who's had contact with the claim".

I smiled sweetly at my instructor as I offered his name to the jerk on the other end of the phone. And watched as the moose antlers slowly deflated and my instructors jaw went slack. Now I was making the moose antlers and crossing my eyes. This job is sooooo much freaking fun. I had no clue !!

And then today, while I was trying to convince a customer about the benefits of our website and all the things he could find online - he interrupted me and asked me if he could "get some nookie on the site". Then this man--- who happens to be in his mid-30's, broke out in a surfer laugh..that's the only way I can describe it... and repeated his question to me while I tried to answer it in the most professional manner possible. I think I failed miserably. I just couldn't HELP myself! Besides, if someone is going to call in with statements like that, they deserve the responses I'll give them.

Let's just say that I was removed from the phones shortly after that phone call.

I sure hope I get to keep my job there.
posted by Norman at 8:13 PM | Permalink | 17 comments
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Stuck in a rut again!

You'd think I would have plenty to blog about seeing as how I've moved towns, bought a house, started a new job, met new people...blah blah blah.

But no.

You'd also think that since my husband's grandmother has been living with us for the past week and plans to stay 2 more weeks would give me PLENTY to blog about... but no. Actually - I think that is the CAUSE of this blogger's block.

So I was farting around at Tammy's blog, and she was playing a little game. It looked like ever so much fun. I don't think she'd mind if I stole it, do you? After all - she stole it from her blogger friend....

But it only works if you actually PARTICIPATE. If you read her post -- you'll see what I mean. I almost peed myself a couple of times. It's called the "I wish" game. She was also nice enough to offer an example of how to play:

The ‘I Wish Game’ originally brought to us by Kristine.

Here’s how it goes: The person above you in the comment section makes a wish (”I wish I had a banana!”), and then the person below grants your wish, and then wishes something else, but here’s the fun part: Your wish is messed up!


Bucky Four Eyes—-I wish I had a banana.
Hippo—-Granted, but the banana tastes bad. I wish I had a ticket to a concert.
Susie—-Granted, but it’s a Barney concert. I wish….

OK? Got it? And if you need to -- go check out how the game is played at Tammy's. CLICK HERE!!

Ready? I'll start it off:

I wish I didn't have blogger's block!
posted by Norman at 7:26 PM | Permalink | 25 comments
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
SOMEBODY had a case of the Monday's today
Geez. Want to hear about my day- 'O'- fun? You do?! Well - gee, you must if you are reading this stupid blog!

It started like this:

I got my lazy butt out of bed after staying up until 2 am watching "Zodiac". Pretty interesting little movie there - let me tell you. But anyway - the point is: I was TIRED. Very Tired. So I dragged my way to my car and left for work. I was sitting at the stop light about 1 mile away from my house, when i saw a cop pulling over some guy coming in the opposite direction.

Nothing earthshattering...just some poor slob getting a ticket. He signaled he was pulling over, and ended up parallel to me. I had my windows open since it was nice and coolish this morning and he glanced over at me. I managed a sympathetic look and checked the light again. Still red.

Looking back over at the man, he was still facing my way while sitting calmly and waiting for his ticket. What a shitty way to start the day. Or so he thought. Things swiftly bottomed out for this man.

APPARENTLY the cop did not have his morning donut yet - because he exited his car - DREW HIS GUN - and started approaching the guy's car. "HEY!" he yelled, "HEY! OUT OF THE CAR. DOWN ON THE GROUND. NOW!"

The man's head whipped around. He looked at the cop, he looked at the gun, he looked back at ME (I'm looking for the quickest way outta the OK Corral), and started yelling back to the cop. "IT'S COOL MAN! IT'S COOL! I AIN'T DONE NOTHING!"

"DOWN ON THE GROUND......NOW!!!" And the cop approached him with his gun drawn, arm stiff.

By now - myself and everyone else at the light are riveted with fear and morbid curiousity to see out this would all play out. We were STUCK. So was that guy. Then the light changed, and everyone hit the gas while simultaneously grabbing their cell phones to call their friends and tell them about the drama.

As I drove away - I checked my rear view mirror and saw the man diving out of his car and biting the ground.


Sucks to be him today.
posted by Norman at 7:50 PM | Permalink | 6 comments
Monday, August 06, 2007
It’s all fun & games until someone gets my foot up their ass
As promised – here are the answers for the following people who are dedicated and respond to my posts. (to all: please read the censure that is creeping into my tone)

Freak – The top bedroom with the gnarly window blinds are mine. But remember: if the blinds are a rockin’ don’t come knockin’…cause me and the mister might be playing….tiddly winks. My new job is going like gangbusters, but I’m in a 6 week long training course and I’m on week 3. I’m really eager to get to the nuts and bolts of the whole thing!

Lynn – Nope. No sign of the wee ghostie. For which I’m immensely relieved. The reason is because if he/she/it had shown up, I would have had to admit that I must really be, certifiably insane.

Lisa – The mister and I are now officially broke. Here is the short list of some of the things we’ve purchased since moving here: A new stainless steel dishwasher, and then, because I’m a snob & everything must match, a new stove, over the range microwave, and fridge. Then we bought two armchairs, and an accent piece, and a television cabinet for the kids upstairs playroom. Then we bought a projection tv and some other odds and ends. I’m not allowed to hold the debit card anymore because it’s still hot from lack of funds and over-use.

Subservient – I’m glad to be back too!!! When did you change your name!?

Charlotte – Thanks!! It’s going better now since I siliconed in the shower stall to prevent any further leaks!

So those are the answers to the last post.

Now – for the new stuff!

Remember when I told you about my neighbor in Amarillo that I believed to be a drug-running murdering underworld figure? No? Well – maybe that’s because I deleted the post about 2 hours after I wrote it. I was too chicken to leave it up for fear that I would become his next victim.

But all is well now since I’ve moved and I have new neighbors who are inherently more normal than what I left…right? I mean: in theory – that’s a nice thought.

Well – Saturday night I was subjected to my new next door neighbor inviting 50 of his closest friends over for an all night long get together involving karaoke. And not just any karaoke. Oh no. Couldn’t be simple like that.

It had to be: ASIAN KARAOKE.

And they were no good!! I had no idea what the HELL they were singing. Oh sure – the background music was funky in a good sort of way. Don’t get me wrong. But the singers! Oh my God! At first I thought someone was mudering a cat in the backyard. But sing they did, and with gusto. Until 5 am in the morning. I swear I even heard the Oriental version of “Achy Breaky Heart” (No – I do NOT recommend this selection if you ever get the urge to sing karaoke in Thai).

So looks like I exchanged the sinister, scary drug-runner with the jovial, amateur Chinese glee club. I can’t decide which one I preferred.

But hey! Let’s look on the bright side. At least now I’ll have stuff to blog about for you guys!
posted by Norman at 7:41 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Howdy Howdy HOWDY!
Hey Sports Fans!

So what's been going on in Blogland while I've been gone? I've had LOTS happening over here! I started my new job, sold our old home, bought our new home, moved into my new home, and just last week - moved our children into our new home!

I think I wanna send them back to Amarillo.

I swear! They are running around being hooligans. It's awful. I missed them so much, but got thru the missing them bit by pretending they were all at camp. But now they're back and I guess they just missed us and it's a huge change and they are going to act out and all. But a small terrible part inside me is just wishing I could have had a few more days to try to settle the last of our junk into a new place.

Oh well ... we'll survive. They are actually behaving much better today.

So - on to the house stuff! We've been in here a total of two weeks - and last night we found a water leak!


Now why the hell can't I ever find a house without frickin' water issues? Our last house DRAINED us of $12,000 worth of plumbing repairs....

But then we discovered that Ashton had taken a shower and managed to splash half of the water OUTSIDE the shower door, which made it thru a crack in between the tile and shower stall and then to the dining room below.

So - my first repair ever in my house: Silicone barrier on bathroom floor.

Looks like I might have to paint the ceiling in the downstairs dining room now since there seems to be a light tan spot now where the water came through.

Anyway - that's my update for now. I realize it's not up to the caliber you guys were probably expecting so let's make this fun!

What do you want to know about the last month...I'll tell ya!

The Question Floor is now open. Let's get the ol' Norman Blog back to it's former glory(?)!!!
posted by Norman at 7:07 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
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