Friday, December 29, 2006
i am HERE!!!
I'm in good ol' San Antonio!!! Holy Crap this place has grown!!! I sorta don't recognize it. But. I still know where most of the stuff is. My husband was amazed how I kept directing him around to places using shortcuts that he didn't know about. HA!! it's MY town!

I was reading over some of your comments below, and it seems some of you are a mite concerned about my wee lil ghostie. I have no clue if this ghost will follow me or not. If it DOES follow me, then I think I will just bow to the majority and enter a mental health facility, because that would mean that I really AM insane. If it stays, then HA and DOUBLE HA and HHAAAAA to the people that buy my house. Didn't know you'd have an occupant... did ya now?!!

Oh, and no. My mom doesn't get freaked out like I do over some piddly little ghost. She's probably scaring the sheet off the ghost right now.... she snores. Loudly. But she's my mom and I love her.

GUESS WHAT!! Tomorrow (which is actually today because it's like.... 2am) my hubby & I are going shopping!! Something about buying me an iPod!! YAY!

We're also going out on the town. SAY!!! Do I have any San Antonio readers?! Just let me know and I'll make sure I post a note about where I'll be tomorrow. We can do some beer drinking. Prolly going to be at the Riverwalk, but hell....who knows with me? I usually end up in the WEIRDEST places.

Ok. I'm off to bed now. BUT FIRST! I must clean up some foamy dog vomit. I'm staying at my sisters house and I think the dog sampled my shampoo. He was looking kinda sick and his mouth was all fresh-scented bubbly and herbal essence-y, then he yakked all over the carpet. I think I need to clean it up before my sister gets pissed.

Adios !!!
posted by Norman at 12:14 AM | Permalink | 7 comments
Thursday, December 28, 2006
A hunting I will Go!!
I'm heading south for a few days to go house hunting. Wish me luck!

oh... any internet stalkers out there need to know that my house is being HOUSESAT by my mommy. She's staying here with my kids.... so BACK OFF!

I've pretty much forgiven my husband for the nose comment because he bought me an awesome COACH BAG for our Anniversary!!! It's the Holiday one. I'm so happy. It's very cute!

However, he is still on the hook for the ring. Because I'm female and diamonds are my best friend.

So wish me luck in the hunting arena!!! I'm going out Friday night with my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLEWIDEWORLD and then on News Years Eve, my hubby AND my best friend AND me are all going out again!! WOW!!! It's like being single again!

So, if I don't get online again between now & New Years, you know where I am, and I just wanted to tell everyone Happy New Year and be SAFE!!

posted by Norman at 7:02 AM | Permalink | 8 comments
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
What's fat & white & walks down aisles?

Nine years ago, I was five months pregnant and GETTING MARRIED!

although... I kinda lied. I wasn't showing. It was crazy. I was 5 months pregnant, and my family was sooooo worried that my "little indiscretion" would be visible at my wedding. But Ashton cooperated, and my stomach didn't "blossom" until the very next weekend after we got hitched. Very strange. It really freaked a lot of people out. (Including me). I mean - one weekend, I was a size TWO, and getting married. The VERY NEXT WEEKEND, I had people stopping me in the mall going "WOW!! You look like you're about to POP!" Yeah ... complete strangers would actually stop me to tell me that.

So the timing was excellent.

Yep. Nine years. Nine years before the comments of " You gotta big nose.... NOSTRILS! I meant you had BIG NOSTRILS!!!" started. I guess the honeymoon is OVER.

Obviously I'm not over the nose/nostril comment. I'm also putting on the pout whenever I see him and making this big show of covering my nose. He promptly follows me around going "HUNNNNNNYYY!!! I SAID I WAS SOOOOORRRY!!"

So I told him that for our TENTH anniversary, I will expect a LARGE anniversary diamond ring. I made sure that I told him it would be the only thing to make me forgive him for the nose comment. I told him a year in advance so he can start making the payments NOW, and present it to me next year.

I'll let you know next year if I get it.


p.s. I miss you Mike
posted by Norman at 4:31 AM | Permalink | 4 comments
Monday, December 25, 2006
We wish you a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!! AND BOXING DAY!! HAPPY BOXING DAY!

This was a MUCH better Christmas than LAST YEAR! Who says my children don't learn lessons!!??

This was such a wonderful Christmas!!! No...nobody got a cell phone, (same link as above, I'm just reiterating!) And everyone was happy happy happy!!! With each gift opened, the squeals were music to my ears!! THIS is how a Christmas is supposed to be!! The kids got everything on their lists, because their lists were extraordinarily short. I don't know what that was about, but hey - it worked for me !!! So I've got two extremely excited kids, and Avery? Well - Avery wasn't quite sure what all the hullabaloo was about, but she knows that she loves SANTA!! She kept peeking up the chimney & hollering TANK OO SANNA!!!! So very cute!

I'm still annoyed with my husband, but not so much now since I opened my Christmas gift from him. Ready? I got.....


Yes, that's what I wanted, and Yes, I've been zooming around on my month-old carpets sucking up carpet lint. So very exciting!!

By the way... he wants me to let you guys know that I COMPLETELY misunderstood what he meant when he said I had a "big nose".

He didn't mean I had a "big nose". He meant to say that I had "big nostrils" which according to him is MUCH BETTER than a big nose. Especially since my "big nostrils" are so clean.



That makes it MUCH better.

****Norman's reaching her boiling point****

I think he should've stopped with the explanations.

See ya

Big Nostriled Norman
posted by Norman at 7:57 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Just FYI guys, at 7:16am .... someone in St. Louis Missouri was my 60,000 visitor!!! YAY!!!

How exciting!!!

Now, my husband is home which SHOULD explain why I've not posted since Wednesday.

So why am I posting now? Because I'm very offended by my husband right now since he told me I have a big nose. That's why I'm posting.

I'm taking his Christmas Presents back.

He asked me what I wanted this year, so I told him I want a nose muff to cover my ginormous nose.

He's told me I am OVERREACTING. But hey, what would YOU do if your spouse told YOU you had a big nose?

And in other news - I almost kicked the crap out of shoppers last night. What is it about Christmas that makes everyone act like assholes in a store? It's not like there was a shortage of gifts in the areas they were looking at. They were just being assholes.

AND -- I'm babysitting PUPPIES!! I have 3 four week old beagle puppies in my house.

Did you know puppies are stinky? Pew. I'll post pictures of them in a bit!!

More later!!

posted by Norman at 8:23 AM | Permalink | 9 comments
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
On a roll (BONUS POST!!)

I'm in a funk (as evidenced by my prior post, which STILL might get deleted..) so I decided to tack on a bonus post today, to entertain YOU, the person who comes here...

First - I will tell you the Crappiest Gift I ever got... (sorry hunny!!!)

My husband gave me the crappiest gifts ever our first Christmas together... he then followed it up the second & third Christmases together with the next to crappiest and the next to next to crappiest gifts ever.... They were:

1. Crappiest gift ever (and yes... this is ALL he gave me on this joyous day of giving):

Tire Iron
Headlight for my car

I almost clonked him on the head with the tire iron.

2. Next to crappiest gift ever (our second Christmas together)

External Hard Drive.

Now see, to some of you techno-geeks out there, this would probably be an AWESOME gift, but at this time, I was not into 'puters at all... Didn't even know what the INTERNET was and the many uses it had....THIS WAS A GIFT FOR HIM!!!!

3. Next to Next to Crappiest gift ever (our third Christmas together)

Computer monitor


Happily, after I threatened him with bodily injury and a strict explanation of NO MORE COMPUTER OR CAR RELATED GIFTS EVER AGAIN, he settled in to a husband that was more 'in-tune' with the proper gifts to give a wife.

I am in no way exaggerating these gifts, or LYING about receiving these items. This is an honest to God list of things he gave me.

So - what was your WORST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER???

posted by Norman at 8:25 PM | Permalink | 14 comments
oh my aching head
I broke the news to my boss that I just might be possibly moving to San Antonio. I told her that I would let her know well in advance of my moving plans. She was bummed, but nice about it. She also tried to point out all the cons of me moving to a large town.

I must say... she raised some valid points:

- Moving my children to a big town would expose them to rougher elements
- This is a great community
- I would not be able to make what I'm making here (pay wise) down there (which -- is essentially a true statement)
- Traffic is terrible down there
-Crime is bad down there

on and on and on. Actually a convincing argument.

But the thing is, my husband really is enjoying what he is doing down there. So while I wouldn't MIND still living here, the fact remains that he's quit his job here, and already moved down there. I've already got a semi-offer on our house. We're all set to get going on moving plans...

And then...

My boss told the BIG GUY today, that she was more than likely going to lose me, since it appears that we're moving. So the BIG GUY asked my boss why my husband moved. She told him because he'd gotten a great-paying job down south. So he directed my boss to get hold of the computer people at my work and have them interview my husband. (HOLY CRAP!!!!)



and again:


This is kinda huge. My boss informed me that the typical practice for hiring people involves topping their current salary. I told her what he currently makes now, and she indicated that it wouldn't be an obstacle.

So now I'm confused. We could stay here, not have to move, and make a large amount of money. Or we could move to a larger town and make not so much money... On the surface, it looks like a clear cut decision. But when you get down to the murkier waters... my husband LOVES what he is doing now.... And he's employed by my brother-in-law. My sister & brother in law hired him, not only because he was qualified for the job, but because they're hoping my parents will move with us (which they will), and my kids will grow up with her kids.

So if he stays where he is, we're moving and making less, but keeping the family happy (my parents want to move)
If he takes the job here at home, we are making great money, but disappointing family..

my head hurts.

**Note, since this is a boring post - it will probably be deleted after awhile and replaced with a humerous cartoon.
posted by Norman at 7:12 PM | Permalink | 11 comments
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
When I get old...I'm gonna be The Fruitcake Lady
See, I never watch Late Night Shows. I just now got this over e-mail, and I've been laughing hysterically ever since. I've never seen her before!!

I must study this lady so that I can emulate her when I get older. I must.

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

Did you watch it? Did you laugh!? YAY!

I want you to know: We are expecting a really really bad ice storm here in Amarillo. The weather people are calling for 1.5 inches of ICE on the road, and maybe snow....up to a foot (maybe). They're not sure about the snow. I wish they would find out pretty soon, because I'm supposed to drive 35 miles in that crap tomorrow. Only....

My boss (who is waaaay cool), told us that she didn't expect to see us at work any earlier than 10:00am. Her reasoning is that by 9:00am, SURELY the city will have salted & sanded the highways....SURELY this will have occurred. At any rate, we're not expected in until at least 10. I still don't want to drive in that, so I volunteered (jokingly), that I would navigate if she would pick me up. AND SHE IS!! I don't have to drive!!!

I am, however, an unwilling passenger should her car decide to careen over an ice-slicked bridge. *gulp*

Hopefully, work will shut down. The schools are planning on shutting down. The school is 2 blocks away from me, and the district has deemed it "too dangerous" for the little'uns to be going to school.

But it's ok for us to drive 35 miles.

Go figger.

OK - Watch the fruitcake lady if you haven't already!!

posted by Norman at 3:58 AM | Permalink | 15 comments
Monday, December 18, 2006
I don't think I have the presence of mind to write a semi-literate post right now (ahem... do i EVER?). So I'm just going to give you some tidbits of stuff.

1. When your child tells you in the middle of the night that their stomach hurts, it probably does

2. Asking said child if they need a barf bucket is not adequate

3. When your child answers "No" and then proceeds to blow chunks all over your bed, she probably needed a barf bucket.

4. It was spaghetti

5. I'm not cooking spaghetti again anytime soon.

6. Changing the sheets on a king size bed at 2am sucks

7. Scraping gelatinous masses of second hand spaghetti off sheets is nasty

8. I'm not cooking spaghetti again anytime soon

9. Yeah, I know I already said that. I really mean it.

10. Ethan does not understand the concept of "Hot Wheels" cars

11. I discovered this lack of understanding when he put his hot wheel in the microwave

12. He DOES however, understand the concept of working the microwave.

13. I need a new microwave

14. According to Ethan, Hot wheels are supposed to be HOT.

15. Hot Wheels stink when melting

16. I'm never cooking Hot Wheels again... or spaghetti

17. I still need a new microwave.

18. Avery likes to fingerpaint.

19. I really should have noticed SOONER that she'd pooped in her diaper

20. Avery is not fully pottytrained yet.

21. According to 2 year olds, poop makes GREAT fingerpaints.

22. I need to repaint my bathroom wall.

23. I also need to clean out under her fingernails.

24. Oops, her fingers are in her nose.

25. I'm very tired and have no energy.

OK. That's my list of stuff that is TOTALLY blogworthy, but can't formulate into a meaningful post. Probably because I'm on my second margarita. Did I mention all of this stuff occurred TODAY? (sunday, i'm preposting this...)

have a great monday ya'll!
posted by Norman at 4:15 AM | Permalink | 9 comments
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Thank You
Thank you for your kind words. He truly was a wonderful uncle. I was not able to attend his funeral, since he was buried in Vermont (which was his birthplace), but my parents went and called me to tell me what a nice service it was.

They also said it was an unusual service for them, since we are Catholic, and my uncle was Jewish. Apparently, it is a Jewish tradition for everyone to place a shovelful of dirt in the grave. My uncle's granddaughter, who is 4 and didn't really comprehend the finality of her grandfather's death, thought this was GREAT, and wanted to throw more dirt in. Thankfully, my family (including me), focuses on the lighter side of things, and we all agreed that my uncle would have gotten a HUGE kick out of this. In fact, after "Julia" took her turn at the gravesite, my cousin turned around to look for her and found her back at the grave, helping the gravediggers push more dirt in the hole. She was having a large time.

My father told me he had to wear a "beanie". I asked him, "You mean a Yarmulke"? "Yeah! That's it! It kept my bald spot warm!!" So now he's considering converting to the Jewish faith just to wear the "beanie".

But they are on their way back home now. My aunt is staying back North to be with her daughter, who has insisted she stay thru Christmas. We all thought again, that this was a great idea, except for her other daughter (yeah - the Garage Sale Queen). SHE is royally ticked off because my aunt babysits her children for her during the day. She threw a FIT because WHO was going to take care of the monsters children NOW? Un-freaking-believable.

You know... she was in a really bad car accident about 15 years ago. This coincides with the time her behavior tendancies really surfaced. I wonder if being conked on the noggin like she did (her car flipped upside) knocked the "caring human being" circuit out of order? Something's wrong with her.

But look, I'll be back tomorrow with my "normal" (or abnormal) programming. I just didn't feel like posting much earlier.

Again, thanks for all your well-wishes. AND -- to Linda & Denny and Spicy Cracker ....I received your Christmas Cards in the mail!! You guys are sooooo sweet!! If I sent out Christmas Cards (which I never do because I'm lazy), you would be the first two to receive them!! Thank you!! It's so nice to be included on Christmas Card lists. Maybe I should start doing this.....

posted by Norman at 9:12 AM | Permalink | 3 comments
Thursday, December 14, 2006
My uncle
Do you remember when I posted about my uncle?

It's painful to say, but my uncle has passed. My poor aunt woke up and discovered him gone. It was a terrible shock for her. It was a shock for all of us, because we thought he'd been recovering. Slowly, but recovering. However, he announced he was tired, and went to bed.

He never woke up.

This is the man that taught me how to swim. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, and that's not just a cliche...he really would. My uncle & aunt fostered more than 10 children, adopted their grandchildren when their biological parents were deemed unfit, and generally kept an upbeat outlook on life - even when things fell to shit around them.

I loved my Uncle Jerry, and it's hard to believe he is gone.
posted by Norman at 8:22 PM | Permalink | 17 comments
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Christmas Gifts for EVERYONE!!
My dear blog friends:

This is somewhat embarrassing to admit, but I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You're most likely to agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions to make these darling slippers below:

How to make bedroom slippers:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc. These slippers are:

* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: Regular, Light and Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself.... Make sure you leave me your foot size in comments!. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you!

posted by Norman at 7:33 PM | Permalink | 9 comments
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Mighty Norman!!!!

I'll have you all know that I killed a GINORMOUS spider tonight. Yesssssssss!!!

See, I've already pre-warned my husband that when he's not here, all bugs that need killing will be saved. If I see a bug, I just pop a cup or bowl over it and let it sit there (whereever 'there' might be), he can squish it when he gets home. I also have to warn the kids when there's a bug captivity in effect, 'cause I already lost 4 bugs that way.

And yes. i DO clean my house, it's just cold outside so the buggiess are looking for warm places to live.

But this spider. Oh THIS spider was WILEY! It was looking at me from the ceiling. He was huge!!! At LEAST the size of a quarter!! And ooky. I could just hear it when I walked in the door, it was going:


Because, you know...that's what spiders say. I swear it sounded like a high-pitched tasmanian devil.

Or at least I imagined it did. Probably. More than likely.. but it was DEFINITELY saying my name. It wanted to hurt me!!

Anyhoos. I ran to the kitchen (in a panic), and tried to find a tupperware bowl that I could somehow vacuum seal to the ceiling. Nothing doing. And I could hear it giggling maniacally in the bathroom. So my next choice was to grab a broom ('cuz I'm short and all that), and a FLYSWATTER. Thus armed, I skittered into the bathroom and took aim.

I think I looked like the Olympic Javelin Gold Medalist. That broom launched and HIT (that's why I say GOLD medalist) the spider. There. That shut his ass up. Next, I grabbed the flyswatter and descended on him, treating the spider like he was my sister on the phone.


Then I whacked him around for good measure. Legs flew all over the place, and he curled into the fetal position, if spider's have fetal positions that is. Whatever they have... he curled in to it.

So it's dead. AND I KILLED IT!! WOOT!!
posted by Norman at 7:30 PM | Permalink | 11 comments
Monday, December 11, 2006
My very favorite Christmas Decoration ... EVER!

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos
**oh, and if you're absolutely curious - the camera is swinging around at the very beginning, and I'm yelling STOP because Avery was bashing into my husband while he was trying to video !!! LOL. (yeh, that's my foot at the beginning!)
posted by Norman at 9:01 PM | Permalink | 13 comments
Sunday, December 10, 2006
I need a new hairstyle. I'm bored with what I got. A few months back, I thought I'd change the color, now I'm sick of that too. I ... need...a....change.

However, I'm really good at recognizing that I'm so very not female when it comes to determining what hairstyle would look good on me.

Can you help? I've posted a front shot of my current (boring) hair, along with a back shot. It's all one length, and yeah - I'm open to color suggestions as well. I need to retouch the roots (which are about 3 inches long now).

Keep in mind -- I'm not good at STYLING hair either, so it can't be something complicated (Mohawks are NOT an option!)

Give me a cyber makeover!!! Post your suggestions please! I'm dead serious! AND... if you are talking about a hairstyle that you've seen on the 'nets somewhere...kindly post the link so I can check it out myself!


(by the way --- I waxed my eyebrows myself again. I have to keep my head tilted now to keep them even, otherwise I look all quizzical and shit... OOOPSIE!!!!)

****Geez, I'm famous for editing posts!!! Just thought I'd let ya know that I just videoed my very favorite Christmas decoration in the wholewideworld. When my husband gets it off the camera, I'll upload it!! (IT'S AWESOME!)
posted by Norman at 2:23 PM | Permalink | 16 comments
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Don't tell me you didn't see this coming
Yes folks, it's the weekend poll... featuring who other than Bert AND Ernie?!

Don't tell me you didn't see that coming!

So this week's question is:

Which of these two is more apt to be a serial killer?

Bert or Ernie?

Who's the serial killer?
Free polls from

I think they murdered Mr. Hooper.

So - voting is Mandatory!!
(oh - and I'll have you know that the weekend poll/topic was decided last night after my Christmas Party in which much drinking was involved.)


Ok, you gotta know this:

I had my Christmas Party for work last night. They always do it up huge. Door prizes like flat panel big screen tv, camcorders, ipods...

Last night was a Casino Theme, and we had a great time. Lots of drunk people, (I only had 2 beers). They started doing the door prizes, and it was funny because the person doing the drawing HATES ME. So I leaned over to my boss - and said "If I win something, I'll hug "Trish"!!!" To which my boss replied: "I dare you"

I won. ($50 gift certificate)

I hugged her.

She hated it. She hates me more now. I, however, am THRILLED that I did that cause I know how very much it pissed her off.

I think my boss is gonna give me a raise just for that!

AND AVERY WEE-WEE'd in the POTTY!! woot!!!!

poor little Avery has a nasty case of Strep Throat. But we're still giving her a birthday party tonight since my Hubby is here....

OK!! That's it for now!


posted by Norman at 9:22 PM | Permalink | 4 comments
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Who lit the fuse on HER tampon?
You know, some people really just have NO MANNERS!

I was at WalMart tonight, and this woman was just SCREECHING at the lady in the Lay Away department. Wanna know why? I know why. She was screaming so loud everyone in the frickin' STORE heard why.

Get this...

She's mad because....

WalMart is "doing away" with LayAway.

And she's pissed. Royally.

I thought for sure she was going to go over the counter at the clerk. She just kept yelling and yelling about how WalMart doesn't care about the people that don't have money.. they just are there to make their own money (yah!! welcome to the world of commerce!!)...and how the FUCK was she supposed to buy her kids Christmas gifts now.

See... I would have felt almost sorry for this woman, but she was wearing a Louis Vuitton ballcap (backwards), had a Vuitton purse, and Hilfiger clothes. And Sharpie Eyebrows.

And she can't afford WALMART for her kid's Christmas gifts, but can APPARENTLY afford designer brand clothing.

And she was being a major Beeyotch.

And she was giving me a headache.

So I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her very politely to take her ass out of the store. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" well... i THINK that's what she said. I don't know - cause she yelled it so hard and I was just watching the vein throb in her forehead between her (sharpie) eyebrows. So I just said, "Look. You're not going to make WalMart open up the lay away department JUST FOR YOU, and that's a person who makes minimum wage you're yelling at. You're yelling at the wrong person, and I just want to return these pants that are too small for my daughter, and you're holding everyone up."

So she told me to FUCK OFF, and left.

OK. Rude ass bitch.

But I was next in line so I was happy again!

And that was my night!! What did ya'll do!?

OH!! And did I mention that Bert obviously won the weekend poll?? so..POLL'S CLOSED!!

I also want to mention how very happy I was with the participation this week! You guys are AWESOME!! 58 votes!! WOOHOO!!! See?! i KNEW more than 3 people read me!!



My little Avery is 2 years old today!! Happy Birthday Baby/Toddler!!
posted by Norman at 6:48 PM | Permalink | 17 comments
Monday, December 04, 2006
Norman's Observations & Musings
OK. I really don't have any real musings. I just wanted to say that I have musings because I've observed everybody else on the internets has a muse of SOMETHING. I don't believe that I've ever really mused. I think I just jump to flat-out conclusions.

But on to my other observations! And you do need to realize (and observe) that as I type this, it is 12:09 on Monday night, and I am SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF because I have a stupid "Parenthetical Essay" (whatever the hell that is) due in class tomorrow, and I haven't even started writing it. I tried to withdraw from this class today and was told that "Yeah, sure - you can withdraw, but you won't be refunded any of your money" (Counselor, 2:30pm) <----- there. See? I'm practicing my "Parenthetical Essay" format. Stupid me, in all my dumb glory, decided to inform the counselor that "Hey! That's ok.. I've only paid a third of my tuition anyway!" to which the counselor replied "err... Well, no then you actually will OWE us the remainder of the tuition, whether you withdraw or not" (Counselor, 2:31pm) It was at this point, that I began making some rather inane observations.

Observation #1... That's a STUPID FREAKING RULE
Observation #2... Why the hell do you pluck all your eyebrows out, only to put them back on with a sharpie marker?
Observation #3... She sees me staring at her sharpie eyebrows.

So I left after the third observation. But I believe I pissed her off with my unspoken observation.

The observations didn't stop there. I started observing lots of stuff. I won't bore you with the rest of the observations, but I will tell you about these:

Observation #543... I believe it must be a full moon, because everyone is driving like fuckerheads.


Observation #6852... What the HELL is up with these guys that are putting these ear lobe spreader thingies in their ears?
Observation #6852.1 ... What is the point in doing that?
Observation #6852.2 ... Don't they know what their lobes are gonna look like when they are in their 60's

Well. That's about the gist of my observations today. Now that my fingers are warmed up. I must pursue this tasking of trying to find similarities (and put it into parenthetical essay format with some MLA guidelines) between Kate Chopin and William Faulkner.

posted by Norman at 10:06 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Sunday, December 03, 2006
I can't put my arms down!!!
My dad just sent this picture to me. I'm done laughing now.

All I could think of was "Randy" in A Christmas Story not being able to put down his arms.

Poor child...

I think she's wearing like 3 pair of pants and two shirts PLUS that snowsuit.

Poor Ethan looked like a bubble. I just wish I had his picture to show you. He refused to let it be taken. Smart boy. He knew I was going to put it on the internet.


posted by Norman at 7:10 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Saturday, December 02, 2006
The Weekend Poll!!! (yeh. I know it's late!)
First, I had to figure out who would go up against the great Snuffy. So here it is!


And what's the question to go with ol' Bert? Simple!! It's this!

Which one do you think is the bigger secret phreak?

Don't lie!

Which one do you think is the bigger secret phreak?
Mr. Snuffleupagus
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Attention: You can ONLY read the bottom part of this post AFTER you vote. No cheating. You simply are not allowed. OK? Now, if you've voted... read on!

Now, remember I told you that my garage door was opening & closing on its own? Freaky!! Really really freaky!! But it hasn't done that now in a couple of days. Since it's like.... two degrees outside, I've been keeping the dogs inside. This morning...about 6:30 am, I got up because Avery deemed it NECESSARY to get up. I let the dogs out to do their bidness, and slogged into the kitchen to make the coffee. As I gazed blearily out the window, I watched Tinker scamper down the road. Junior was heading the other way.


My coffee-deprived brain didn't really register the significance of seeing my two dogs running loose until I realized that HEY!! I JUST SAW MY TWO DOGS RUNNING LOOSE!

I crammed Avery into her highchair and threw a wad of playdough at her. I threw my coat on over my Snoopy jammies, crammed my feet into my Tweety Slippers, and ran out the back door. Of course the garage door was open. I skidded down the icy driveway and started whistling for the dogs. They ignored me. But apparently my garage door is tuned to the same exact frequency as my whistle. It closed. With me outside in my jammies and coat, the baby inside and my other two kids still asleep.

Shit on a brick.

I waddled around to the front of the house to check on Avery thru the window. She was fine, just eating playdough. Banged on the window and told her "NO!NO!! Don't eat the playdough!!" She ignored me. Seems to be a pattern with her and the dogs. Then I trekked to Ashy's window and tried to wake her up. Gosh. I think she's a teenager already. It took FOREVER to make her wake up and she's only 8!! But after she got done laughing at me, she let me in the house and I tried to decide how best to retrieve the dogs.

Long story short, I got the dogs back. Apparently they decided they don't like to jump in snow drifts. They came to the front of the house, I captured them, and threw them in their kennels. Then I went outside and unplugged the garage door. Then I went and tried to salvage the playdough from Avery. I'm sure I'll get the rest tomorrow in her diaper.

And that's where we currently stand. I swear. If I hear that door go up now (and it's now unplugged), I will wig. Just sayin.

posted by Norman at 7:38 PM | Permalink | 9 comments
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