Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Who are you?
poltergeist
You are Carol Anne, from "Poltergeist."
Bad luck just seems to follow you.


Which Horror Movie Character Are You? (Many Options)
brought to you by Quizilla


Went to Freak Magnet's blog. I like it there and she's got some great links too! I got the above "Which Horror Movie Character are You" from Incoherent's Blog.


You know - when I first started visiting blogs - I thought to myself "Hey! I can do this. These people just take things that are happening to them, and write about it... I can do that!" And I made a blog. But holy cow. It's a talent to be able to write and be interesting, and keep people intrigued with simply who you are. I just wanted to tell EVERYONE who has a blog - good job. It's not as easy as just typing out a story and going with it. All of the blogs that I've visited and commented on are exceptional.

I think I'll be visiting his as well as Freak's now too..

norm
 
posted by Norman at 9:17 PM | Permalink | 2 comments
Sunday, August 28, 2005
critics
Hey!! I got my first 'mean' comment today on my blog. Kinda made me mad so I immediately deleted it. Then I got to thinking that maybe that was a knee-jerk reaction on my part. You can take words, and twist them into so many different contexts. The gist of it was (in reference to my boring 'kiss ass' post): "Do you ever get the feeling that nobody cares about your crappy job site".

Well. I guess... yeah. I wasn't too fond of that post anyway. Kinda boring. I agree. So in response to that criticism, I have deleted that post, cause it sucked. BUT!! for your entertainment, I have decided to release yet another video that I've found on my internet surfing adventures:

Coats

If you have speakers, I recommend turning them on, the music is necessary, since there's no dialogue.


norman
 
posted by Norman at 2:12 PM | Permalink | 2 comments
Friday, August 26, 2005
Is this for real I wonder?



If you can't read it, it says this:

"A woman collapsed in a supermarket when her vibrating panties made her faint with pleasure. The kinky 33-year-old housewife was wearing a pair of battery-operated Passion Pants, bought from a sex shop, while she did her shopping, according to the British tabloid The Sun.
But she got so stimulated by the 6cm vibrating bullet in the panties that she lost consciousness. She fell and hit her head in the crowded supermarket in Swansea, Wales.
When paramedics arrived, they found her black imitation leather knickers still buzzing. They took them off before an ambulance took her to the hospital.

The woman, whose identity has been kept private, suffered no long-lasting ill-effects. And as she left the hospital, a paramedic gave her back the Passion Panties in a plastic bag.

A spokesman for the Asda supermarket chain told The Sun: "We like to think shopping with us is exciting enough already""


Very interesting. Wonder if these things are sold online.... heheheeee

Norman
 
posted by Norman at 10:22 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
So I'm a freak....
I've got the ODDEST fear.
I'm scared of large sized stuffed animals. I'm positive that they are just waiting for me to be alone, and then they are going to go Chucky on me and attack.

After my first daughter was born, someone gave her a stuffed rabbit. It was really cute. Had on a little dress and everything. Such a happy looking critter. I had no problems with it, until one day I thought the darn thing was looking at me.

Of course, it can't help that it looks like it's looking at me. I mean, it's eyes were permanently fixed in position. But it was creepy. So I moved it into her closet and shut the door. Bad move. Now I couldn't tell if it was getting up and trying to sneak out of the closet. So, to make things difficult for the rabbit. I shut the bedroom door too. ( I moved the baby to OUR bedroom... no freaky stuffed rabbit was gonna get my newborn!). So now, I'm totally screwed - cause IF it got out of the closet, I still couldn't tell and I was running out of doors to shut. My next step was to turn up the television really loud, so that the rabbit would think that I just didn't care. But now I couldn't hear if it was scuffling around building some sort of death machine. Then I started getting all clammy, and short of breath... so I grabbed the baby, my car keys & purse and left. I didn't go home until my husband got home. Checked the closet. Rabbit's where I left it. I know it curled back up in there.

Ridiculous, right?? I made the HUGE... I mean HUGE mistake of telling my husband about my panic attack. He just shook his head at me and told me I was weird. I went about making dinner, and heard a scuffling sound behind me. I turn. It's the rabbit. Peeking around the corner at me. And then there's my husband's head...popping around the corner and making stupid faces at me. Such a nerd.

Anyway. I made him throw the rabbit away. I couldn't take it. But then it's so weird. Some stuffed animals will bother me, but others don't. I have no clue why.

I know that they can't possibly come to life - but when I'm alone in the house, well hell -- anything's possible!! I wish I knew what the deal was! I've always been this way. Isn't that a strange phobia? I tried looking up "stuffed animal phobia" but I can't find a name for it. I did learn that there is, however, a fear for EVERYTHING (except of course, stuffed animals).

So - fess up. Anyone else have a strange fear they'd like to share? Make me feel like I'm not alone in my weirdo-ness??

norman
 
posted by Norman at 9:46 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Nothing new ...
OK OK - so ya'll didn't really care that I have a kiss ass at my work. Sorry I bored ya! BUT! In a way to make amends - I have a new video that I received over e-mail.

I get LOTS of these attachments, and I never know what to do with them... until NOW!! So I thought it would be fun to share some of the really good ones.

The one attached is funny if you think criminals are stupid asses.

Click here to watch '062905stupidrobbers'

You know - I think I know one of the guys on there. I used to hang out with bad sorts when I was younger. I specifically remember dropping off a guy so he could steal a car (but I swear - I had NO idea that's what he was going to do). Another time, I drove someone to make a crack deal. Not something to brag to my kids about. I'll never forget that little incident. Brand new car. Crack dealer with muddy shoes. Me griping at him. Him showing me Uzi. Me shutting my yap double fast... Me kicking crackhead out of my car after they argued about the price of a rock.

The only thing I have to say about that now is my poor kids will never be able to get away with shit - cause I've done a lot and know how to figure it out when they're trying to pull one over on me. Of course - the oldest is only 7 right now - so the worst she's done is lied about why she got a "strike" at school for talking...

Anyway - hope you enjoy the video and I'll try to find some more of the funnier ones!

Norman
 
posted by Norman at 9:16 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Sunday, August 14, 2005
There but for the grace of God.....
How many of ya'll have kids? If you do - the video link below will be familiar (for some) If you don't, please don't view the link if you are planning on having children someday, it will only scare you away. And lastly - if you have already decided to never have children, this will reinforce your decision!

nokids.wmv



Norman
 
posted by Norman at 4:36 PM | Permalink | 1 comments
oh YEAH!!!!!!
For those of you who have followed my blog - I think I found a prototype of what I would like to do. (See my "Should I be offended" entry and "Snubbed Again".

I think getting my boobs fixed like this just might do the trick and make the boob watcher sit up & NOTICE me. Take a look and let me know what ya think!

Oh, and since I don't know how to embed the video in this blog - you'll have to go to the free video hosting site that I used. So - this isn't a virus link. Promise! And I must say thank you to Daily Dancer for explaining to me what I should do. He's great!

Cheers!

Norman

can_crushing_mamma.wmv
 
posted by Norman at 8:04 AM | Permalink | 2 comments
Friday, August 12, 2005
Snubbed again
I want a boob job.

I ran into John Doe (the Boob Watcher) at work again today. So I started to square my shoulders (all the better to see them my dear), when he WHIRLED around and RAN after another girl who just happens to have big ta-tas!!! And as I watched him catch up to her, his gaze was fastened on her - you guessed it - her boobs. So - I'm really sad, and my husband is about to be sad to, 'cause I heard these boob jobs can cost upward of about $7500... or is that a low figure? I don't know, but I'm about to start pricing!

So now I'm trying to figure out how big do I wanna go? Porn star big or get ya noticed big, or do I need to try to just stick with "perky"...


Well - I just left the keyboard for a second, and asked my husband how much he'd be willing to spend on a boob job. He's watching television and he didn't even blink. He said "$5 bucks". WHAT? "$5 bucks!?" I yelped, "What kind of a boob job can I get for $5 bucks!?"

"$5 bucks'll get you a pair of good socks you can stuff in your bra".

Can you believe he's mad at me cause I threw the remote control at him?
 
posted by Norman at 8:00 PM | Permalink | 1 comments
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Don't tell ME there's no such thing as ghosts!
I think some people can see/feel ghosts. I think most kids CAN see ghosts, and babies most definitely do. I'm the biggest candy-ass when it comes to staying home alone. I keep thinking I feel a presence behind me. I'll whirl around to check, and there's nothing there. So then the next time I feel the presence, I won't whirl around and I will suddenly hear scuffling sounds. Like someone is walking up behind me on the carpet. Of course, by now - I'm out of the house like a shot, waiting for my husband to get home. But there are a few times that I'm forced to stay IN the house. You know, when I actually have to watch my kids.

So I was home with my two youngest, and my husband was out for the night with his friend from out of town and... wait wait - let me start this classically...

It was a dark and stormy night... LOL

Ok - yeah it was dark and stormy, but I'm at home with my 2 little ones, and hubby is out drinking it up. I was trying to get the baby down and she kept bouncing on my lap and peering over my shoulder and smiling. Seeing how the rocking chair faces the outside window, and nothing else - that was creepy. I looked over my shoulder but there's no one there. Of course, lightning is flickering outside and low rumbles of thunder were reverberating throughout the house. But she's grinning and staring at the window. So I ignore it. She's 8 months old. Anyway. Ethan's video was over so he came grinning into the bedroom, he's always such a happy face. He tiptoed quietly up so as not to disturb the baby, but then his attention is caught by... you guessed it, the window. Only HE can talk. And he freaks me out.

"Mommy, who's that man at the window?"

My
heart
stops
beating

I feel the blood just pool at my feet and I look out the window again, and typical Hollywood moment occurs, the lightning flashes and thunder just KABOOMS. So - now I've frightened both of my kids with my screams and they ended up sleeping in my room. (not cause they were scared - I was scared!)

But who the HELL was at the window?! Notice he didn't say OUTSIDE the window. He said AT the window. OOOOOO OOOOO I'm getting chills just writing this again! I don't think I'll be staying at home by myself anytime soon. My husband thinks I'm so ridiculous about this, but I'm not doin' it. I'll go shopping or something until he's home. He says our house was built in 1983 - it can't possibly be haunted - but I've been renovating the bathroom and some people will tell you that things get restless when you disturb the house.

I'm still creeped creeped CREEPED out by this!!
 
posted by Norman at 9:00 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Our prayers before we got married
FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen
long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do
more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.

Amen.


MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a
liquor store and a bass boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Amen
 
posted by Norman at 8:19 AM | Permalink | 4 comments
Thursday, August 04, 2005
I need help
I need help from a person who can come up with a perfect payback to the prank that was played on me today!! It was actually a pretty good prank, but now I long for revenge. The trick that was done was beautiful in its simplicity. All this person did was crumble one or two of those styrofoam peanuts into itty-bitty little pieces. Lint sized really. He then went out to my car and deposited said pieces of styrofoam into my air-conditioner vent, through the slats. So of course, when I started my car, it was like my own personal little parade. I had my favorite music going - full blast because he decided to crank the radio up to its highest volume, and if that wasn't enough (or rather - on hindsight) he had turned the windshield wipers on. Confetti-like particles swirling madly around me, I'm trying frantically to find the knob as Audioslave wailed about being Like a Stone. Yeah - I wish I HAD a stone so I could nail him with it. So now, I've got a black interior in my car. At least it was black. Now it looks like my car has a bad case of dandruff. It's a BITCH to try to vaccuum it up. Static cling from hell!

So - does someone have any ideas I can use for a payback? The only idea I have floating around is getting a piece of limberger (spelling?) cheese and placing it underneath his car seat. (We live in Texas....VERY HOT + stinky cheese + closed car....) But then - I don't want any PERMANENT damage, and if I get him back too bad, I'll just have to pay the piper later.

So - ideas anyone? I could really use it!

Norman
 
posted by Norman at 7:12 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Good thing he's too young to read
There are many things in parenthood that I was prepared for.

I was PREPARED to be puked on, pooped on, peed on...
I was PREPARED to have to have to kiss boo-boos, pull gum out of hair, fix countless dinners consisting of chicken nuggets..

See where I'm going with this? There are many many things that fall into the normal scope of parenting. I was prepared for these things! So I was totally unprepared for the following situation.

My husband came walking into the room. "Ethan needs your help". "My help?", I ask "What's wrong!?" I'm envisioning bathroom help, because the last time I saw him, he was headed for the toilet. My husband starts snickering. "He's got gum on his... stuff" What the fuh...??? "Say that again?" I ask.. Husband: "He's got gum on his boys... and their friend". My husband is no longer snickering, he's laughing, with tears running down his face. So I go to my child's room. He's sitting on the floor looking at his... stuff. And it's full of gum. Oh. My. God. "What happened?" I stupidly ask my son. Of course, I got the standard 3 year old answer... "I don't know!". So now my husband decides to be helpful. He theorizes that Ethan was chewing gum, decided to get rid of it, and tried to put it in the toilet by stuffing it between his legs. "Is that what happened?" I ask my son. "Uh huh!! I was trying to flush it!!" I see. Now I have the unpleasant task of trying to remove the gum. Washcloth will not take it off. It just smears it around. What in the HELL are these people making gum with! I had to PICK the gum off his .. stuff. It took me 30 minutes. And do you know how tedious that was? I had to pick and pick and pick, then if I wasn't careful, the gum that was still on there would stick to more skin and re-adhere in places it hadn't already adhered...I was so unsettled. I was just NOT prepared to have to do something like that... Makes for some interesting memories, does it not?

errrggh. blech. Hey! 3 posts in one day - and I actually have visitors and comments now!! Glad to see you guys, and thanks for the encouragement! I need encouragement after days like this!

NoRmAn
 
posted by Norman at 9:35 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
HOT DAMN!
It looks like Christine is back up!! Have you guys read her blog!? Highly highly HIGHLY recommend it! It's so great! She just 'poked her head' up, but I'm hoping for new material on John (no - not the John-the-boob-watcher from my work but HER John). Click on the link in my "Blogs I Like to Read" section. I also recommend that you start from Reason 1 of her reasons for hating her husband. I'd put the link in the body of this message but I'm not that skilled yet. I've also had to console myself with a couple of beers right now since my boobs didn't get looked at today and I don't think I'm going to learn anything new tonight.

Norm
 
posted by Norman at 3:01 PM | Permalink | 1 comments
So should I be offended?
First - let me say that my work employs more than 3000 people. Sort of like a small town. And in the way of all small towns, everyone knows some dirt on most people out there.

And that is my lead-in as to what happened today. For a couple of weeks now, I've been hearing dirt on a guy that will be known as "John Doe". Apparently, John Doe has no people skills. John is extraordinarily smart - but the way that most extraordinarily smart people are, he is lacking common sense. I've heard that John talks to himself, complete with waving his hands around in the air as if arguing with an invisible man, and that John likes to pick his nose & eat it oblivious to whoever may be watching. Another thing that John likes to do is look at breasts. Women will NOT talk to this man because he absolutely refuses to look at their face. He fixates on boobs. This makes it very uncomfortable for women to hold a conversation with him. This seems to be the main dirt on John. I've never personally met the guy. I've worked at my job for 6.5 years, and I've never had the honor of having my boobs ogled. So today, I was running around the site, and who do I run into?? JOHN! Since we were going the same way, he walked with me and kept up a running commentary. Extremely normal. But no boob-watching. I even stuck my chest out to try to get his attention. Nope.

Now - I'm not the biggest person in the world, but I'm not a flatsy patsy either. But according to an impromptu survey I took following this run-in, his not looking at my boobs was NOT NORMAL. I think I should be offended! What's wrong with my boobs that this known boob watcher doesn't want to ogle!? I don't know how to take this! All I know is that I mentioned it to someone at work, that he didn't stare at my boobs, and now it is all over the work site! I am now known as the John Doe Boob-reject!!

Maybe I'll post a picture of myself (with clothes on - yes) and a kind reader can give me ideas on how to entice the boob watcher to check me out!

LOL

Norman
 
posted by Norman at 1:22 PM | Permalink | 2 comments
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