Saturday, October 27, 2007
Ding Dong the Witch is Gone!

now I feel bad. The woman gets on my nerves to be sure, but she does love her great-grandkids. Just not me. But she means well. I just can't tolerate her in large doses. However, I must say that nitpicking & criticizing aside, I could tell she made an effort to be nice to me.

See how easy it is for me to be gracious when she's finally gone?

****deep sigh of relief***** time. Feels soooo good!

Now that I have a teeny bit of me time, I can share with you some snippets. So just for fun, I'm going to show you some of the keyword searches that have led to my blog. That's always the most entertaining part of my statcounter program:

Interesting keyword searches:

1. Naked Fireman - I'm currently looking all over on my blog now for this. If I've got a naked fireman on here somewhere, I'm sure as hell gonna jump all over that. I need one right now.

2. My dog ate some saran wrap - Gross. It's even grosser when they try to poop it out. It gets caught in there and sometimes you have to *help* remove it. Then it looks like you wrapped a dog turd in saran wrap which is essentially....what it is. However, I do not encourage you to place the conveniently wrapped item in your fridge.

3. Dog ate plastic wrap - saran wrap, plastic wrap - you're not going to find a better answer for your dilemma pal. Put some latex gloves on and start spelunking dude. And for God's sake man, don't let the dog eat the gloves when you're done. Otherwise you'll have five turds encased in plastic.

4. My pug ate kleenex, should I worry? - what is it with you guys thinking I'm the online vet? And stop leaving crap where your dog will get it! Is this the same guy who let their dog eat saran?

5. Vibrating Panties Video - I don't know about any such video, and I certainly never starred in it. I fail to see how such an undergarment would be comfy to wear. Might be FUN, but not comfy. Thanks

6. Stubbed Toe Nail - oh. I can TOTALLY sympathize with this one. In fact, let me help you find the post in which I showed my toe. It's here. Yes that's a real photo, and yes it hurt like a sumbitch. I believe my toenail is now dead, because it's been black ever since. TMI I know, but it needed to be told.

7. "I have to pee like a screaming comanche" - Now come on. Why are you searching online? You have to pee that bad and don't know to just go whiz? I think I'm missing something here. Now.....if you meant..I peed and I FEEL like a screaming comanche - well then I'm right there with you. And I'm happy to tell you that the solution to that is CIPRO. It's a URINARY TRACT INFECTION. Get some cipro. And AZO. You'll piss orange for the next few days but your comanche issues are gone.

As always - glad to help with your searches!

And that's enough of a post for tonight....I'll show you guys tomorrow or Monday what I did on my day off this last Friday later.

posted by Norman at 7:03 PM | Permalink | 4 comments
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Day Off
It's my day off. Tomorrow is my day off as well. Then I work all day Saturday and have Sunday off again.

I don't know if I'm diggin' my new schedule. I don't know if I'm too crazy about my new employer, the "VLC" either.

I have this crappy schedule for the next 2 months. I have to work 10 hour days on Mon-Wednesday, which means that when I get home, my kids are going to bed. Then on my days off, they are in school...with the exception of Avery.

Don't get me wrong - I love the peace and quiet of only having to deal with one child all's soooooo easy and I like being able to dedicate undivided attention to her, but I miss my other kids.

My last job for the previous eight years was straight 8-4:30, making twice as much as I do now. I like my weekends off. Also - my new job has a lot of "unreasonable" demands for the amount per hour they pay me. I'm wondering if it would just be a better idea to use my two weekdays off each week to search for another job. The only thing I need to look for is a job that will promise immediate insurance benefits.

I mean -- I couldn't get paid any less, so that's the nice thing about thinking about changing jobs...I wouldn't take a pay cut like I did when I moved here!! LOL

I'm kinda depressed right now. For those of you that don't know - occasionally I fall into a deep funk, and I think I'm heading there now. My husband's grandmother is back at our house and has been for the past 2 weeks. She was supposed to leave today until my husband convinced her to stay until Saturday. Shit. She's super critical of me, and her and I don't see eye to eye. She constantly follows me around, and when we go to the grocery store, she gripes about how much money I spend. For instance... I bought Classico spaghetti sauce. The woman grabbed the jar, put it back on the shelf and replaced it with some generic store brand that I know for a fact, tastes like ass. Then she informed me that I'm too liberal with her grandson's money, and she needed to educate me on proper shopping techniques.

I told her I earn a paycheck too, and put my Classico back in the cart. Then we repeated the same performance with the apples and every other thing I bought. Then she got upset at our house because I had TWO dishtowels out by the sink. According to her - I'm wasteful and throw money around. According to ME, this is my fucking house and she's the guest so she can stuff it.

Deep funk - here I come
posted by Norman at 6:09 AM | Permalink | 16 comments
Friday, October 19, 2007
Have I mentioned that we have an assload of trees in our backyard? Well, we've been busy being lumberjacks, and have cut down 7 cedars, because they're choking out the other trees. We still have 30 trees in our yard. I know this because I counted.

30 trees in our back yard makes our beagle dog verrreee tired because every time it rains, he has to run around re-marking his territory. That poor dog is about ready to fall over by the time he's done. He also has to take a break and 'refuel' by guzzling water out of his dish halfway thru. It's quite entertaining to watch.

So one night, my man and I were sitting outside watching the dog do his thing. The mister was drinking beer, and I had my favorite beverage, The Margarita, as well. Watching the dog, I remarked that it would be funny if we went and followed him around with the water hose spraying off his mark spots. Next thing I knew, my man was up and running after the dog. PISSING on the area the dog had just done. He followed the path my poor puppy had taken and peed on as much as he could.

If dogs could cry -- my dog was sobbing.

Hands off ladies, he's mine.
posted by Norman at 9:09 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Monday, October 15, 2007
We interrupt the cuteness below for the following message:
A SCCCCCOOOORPIOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Norman at 8:47 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Meet George
Meet George
hewwo. i'm cutsie wootsie

George gets a little excitable. Right now, he's excitable because Olivia thinks he's a tasty snack

must..attack..killer...fake plant..

Luckily, he's got the hiding part down pat.

hey. you with the camera. you can't see me, and the minute you snap that picture, i'm gonna jump on your head and claw the crap outta your skull. you know i will.

(norman's note....he did. The cat ain't all there)

Let's hope he makes it to 9 weeks old.

Let's hope he doesn't shit on my bed.

posted by Norman at 8:08 PM | Permalink | 9 comments
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Ol' Switcheroo....
Sere would not adhere to the litter box standard. Rather than turn her into a gear shift cover, or snake food, we attempted to train her to use the litter box. Since I posted last Saturday, she's basically been confined to the garage with a litter box on one side of the room, and her food on the other.

We left her in there, and would only bring her in when we could keep a constant eye on her. It made no difference. The minute someone's back would turn, she'd use the closest piece of furniture as a toilet.

So we called the adoption center, and explained the situation. They told us that this was a behavioral issue, and possibly territorial. They said that since we're a two cat family, it sounded as if Sere would do better in a single kitty atmosphere. And they told us to bring her back.

The whole family loaded up in the car, and we all sadly trekked back to the adoption center. Ashton had a really hard time with this decision, but I must say she was a big girl about it. The minute we brought Sere in and put her back in the adoption arena, families that were checking out available pets were swarming over her cage and commenting on her. Ashton was crying and one of the pet consultants handed her a kitten to try to distract her.

yeah. The kitten has come home with us. Our thinking is that maybe the baby kitten won't have the territorial issues since he's so young. The adoption center knows that if he refuses the litter box, then we'll have to bring him back as well, and everybody is good with the outcome of the decision. They didn't try to make us feel bad about returning Sere or anything. They completely understood and told us that they would rather adoptive families return the cat to them rather than turn the kitty out.

So now we have Olivia AND an 8 week old kitten. We're having to reacclimate Olivia to the new kitty. Right now she's regarding him as a tasty snack. And I'm sorry to say that the new kitten seems to be a little on the insane side.

His name is "George" and he really helped the kids accept the sadness of returning Sere.

The best part of the whole situation is that as we were filling out the paperwork on George, Sere got adopted by a family that has no other kitties.


**thanks to everyone who had advice on ways to help us keep Sere. It didn't work out, but I do appreciate your help!

Pictures of George coming soon. He's got a loopy look on his face most times. I sure hope the camera picks up his expression....
posted by Norman at 12:29 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Free Cat
Free Cat!

Five months old, extremely affectionate. Loves children, does great with other pets. She's spayed, and doesn't mind having her claws clipped.

New owner must lay down kitty litter throughout the entire house in order to keep this special feline happy. New owner must also be able to tolerate turds on your bed pillows. Kitty believes turds are gifts of love and gives them frequently.

Contact Norman at:

Hurry! She'll go fast!
posted by Norman at 7:23 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Saturday, October 06, 2007

Heydi-ho neighbors! As promised, here's pictures of our new family additions!

This would be Olivia. She's a little snooty. She also refuses to stay still for pictures, so this is the best I could do. She's a sweet fuzzy little critter, with the fluffiest tail ever.

And introducing....Sere. (rhymes with Cherry). I put the name 'Callie' out to my kiddos, since that was the most suggested name given, but the kid's decided that since their grandmother's dog is named Callie, that she should be named "Sere", because that's what they'd started calling her. She moved around a lot too while I was trying to take pictures, so that's why part of her ear is missing from the picture. What can I say? I suck at taking animal pictures.

So here's the Cat-tastrophe. We love Sere, but she keeps taking shits where she shouldn't. She gets along GREAT with Olivia, and at first, I thought the dumper was Olivia being pissed off that we brought home a new cat. But nope. I was in my bathroom getting ready for work this last week when I saw Sere digging around on my bed. I thought she looked like she was digging for a poop spot, but didn't believe it until I saw her assume the position.

I had no idea I could run that fast.

I grabbed Sere by the scruff of the neck and launched her towards the litter box. Now - typically, I do not grab animals by the neck and throw them, but then again, I typically do not have cats taking a squat on my bed. Also, the animal shelter had spayed her, and I didn't want to pick her up where her incision is and hurt her. Also, she was taking a shit on my bed and I didn't want her to shit on my bed. Ergo, I grabbed her by the neck. So there.

Anyway, I figured it was a fluke and she was nervous in a new house. Besides, the turds didn't get on my bed, they fell on the floor on her way to the cat box. I cleaned it all up, sprayed some odor eliminator on it, and forbade her access to my room. I also showed her where the downstairs cat box was. She jumped right in and peed. Such a good kitty.

But then last night, she crapped in the game room on the couch. Our NEW couch. The one that (thankfully) has a stain treatment 3 year warranty. But it still pissed me off. So does anyone have any suggestions now for making her use a catbox? Because if this keeps up, she has to go. And Ashton has become extremely attached to Sere. Look at her happy little face:

If anyone has any thoughts or advice, it'd be greatly GREATLY appreciated, because this cat is now on borrowed time. Here are the steps we are currently taking:
We changing the litter. Because we were using the crysal litter in the scoopfree box that scoops automatically. We think maybe she's frightened of the automatic box. So we're reverting to the classic litter box where I can not allow lazyness to take over and will have to manually scoop turds. Face it. I either scoop turds out of a litter box or on my bed. Guess which one I opt for.
Spraying past dump spots with odor eliminator. Don't want her getting any ideas to revisit a makeshift toilet area.
Taking away the two-catbox locations. We did have a catbox upstairs, and then one downstairs. We are closing off the upstairs so they can't use it anymore and making them use the one in the garage. If I have to shut them in the garage for the next week, so be it. They need to get into the habit of using it.
Anyone have anything else to offer?

posted by Norman at 8:23 AM | Permalink | 7 comments
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