Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I stubbed my toe. Really Hard (Really)
Heya! Guess what I did today? I stubbed my toe. Hard. Really really hard. I think I broke it.
I decided to share my misery with you guys. Pretty nasty huh? I think I should tell you that my husband is MORTIFIED that I am publishing pictures of "the ugliest feet on the planet." In fact, he suggested I cover the rest of my toes to spare you any further disgust. I agreed with him.

How did I do this nasty injury? Well, if you're wondering "Did she kick her husband in the ass for saying she has nasty feet..." you're wrong. Frankly - I agree with him. I've got some jacked up feet. If I'm not hammering the crap out of them on unseen floor obstacles, I'm having to dig out ingrown toenails. Not. a. pretty. site. What I did was run into the door frame of our bedroom because I stumbled on my way out the door. Graceful I'm not.

Actually - the main reason I'm hiding my toenails from view, is because I neglected to polish them since there's no chance to wear sandals at work - so why spend time painting them, only to jam them in ugly "sensible" shoes.

Speaking of work. How the hell am I supposed to wear a fully enclosed shoe tomorrow? This is going to be TORTURE. What if it gets infected? If it DOES get infected BECAUSE I have to wear those damn shoes mandated by them....Do you think I'll be able to sue the company because of their silly requirement? If I do sue my company, do you think I'll win? This could be the "lucky break" (haha!! pun intended!) I need to be able to stay home with my kiddos!! I can be a multimillionaire on the basis of my utter klutziness!

hmmm... maybe there could be a silver lining to my day after all.

But.... that's a nasty looking boo-boo huh? Would I be whiney if I told you guys it really really hurts? I'll have you know - that's NOT red polish on my toenail. This damn thing keeps bleeding. I've gone through half a box of bandaids already.

It really really REALLY hurts. I do believe this is the mother of all stubbed toes.

**oh, and if you REALLY wanna be grossed out, you can click on the above pictures for a much larger view... don't say I didn't warn you!
posted by Norman at 9:18 PM | Permalink | 17 comments
Monday, August 28, 2006
With a Moo-Moo here and a Moo-Moo there.
Let's talk about breasts. Breastfeeding that is.

Wait. Before I get started, everybody repeat after me: "THERE IS NOTHING UNNATURAL ABOUT BREASTFEEDING. BREASTS ARE FOR NOURISHMENT (mostly)." Okay? Are we all on the same page? Great!

I was at the mall, walking around with my kids, and we decided to sit down at one of the many little sitting areas that are around. My kids were eating some Dippin' Dots, and we were just people watching. Then a woman came and sat down, right next to us, and started breastfeeding her child. Right there in the open. Just flopped it right out and started nursing her child. OK. Fine. It's natural, right? I really don't have a problem with a mother feeding her child in public. I mean - this mall has designated nursing areas, that I have actually USED, because they are clean, comfortable, and they have nice soft piano music in there and ottomans. Really really nice nursing area. But not everyone wants to use a nursing area. Lots of mothers subscribe to the "feeding on demand" schedule, which means stopping and flopping just as she did. I really do not have a problem with public breastfeeding. Except...


Except when the child is about 6 years old.


And she noticed my problem! Because I was gawking! As was Ashton. And Ashton happened to recognize this child from school!! So the mother explained that she felt it important for her and her child to continue the bonding experience that breastfeeding brought them. Say Whaaaa??

Damn. I figured that after 6 years, that milk in those boobies would start to sour a little. But hey - she didn't owe me any kind of explanation. In fact, she OFFERED it, because I hopped up and started hustling the kids out of there. "He's just thirsty, and there's not a lot of people here." she says. (Yeah - cause they all ran off from the Mother Nature exhibition)

Now, correct me if I'm mistaken - but doesn't a six year old child have the ability to understand the following sentence: 'Let's wait until we get home and I can PUMP some of my lovely boob juice for you and place it in a cup'?

And I asked Ashton, "Uh - honey... is he in a .... special class?" Ashton - whose eyes are the size of dinner plates - "No, but maybe he SHOULD be!" Nope. Can't disagree with THAT logic. Actually, I'm thinking this child just might end up in a special class all it's own.

And actually, while I stopped nursing my kids at 9 months old (the ones that I could do that with...) I personally think it's a little strange to offer children over the age of 2 breast milk. Personally. PLEASE NOTE THAT IS MY PERSONAL OPINION. I'm not saying it's wrong. It's just.... strange. I've actually had some women say that the WHO (World Health Organization) advocates breast milk up to the age of 7. Well. OK. But remember. This is the WORLD Health Organization. Not the UNITED STATES health organization. In third world countries, this would probably be a good thing, as it's probably the only thing nourishing that children get to have. But this is the United States. Where we have vitamins! And immunizations! Things that these other children don't have! So I think it's safe to lay off the breast milk at about 2 .

And please don't publicly nurse your first grader in the mall.
posted by Norman at 7:40 PM | Permalink | 23 comments
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Weekend Poll!
With new people!! Because, yeah, I was just jerking with you. Aniston won and let's face it. She'd probably win any other poll I stuck up there just because she's the Jennifer. So. Here we go with a 'do-over'.

REMEMBER VOTING IS MANDATORY. 'Cuz I love interaction on this blog! So the question this week is:

"Which one of these would you prefer to bring home?"

K-Fed or M-J??

Which of these would you prefer to bring home?
Michael Jackson
Free polls from
posted by Norman at 1:34 PM | Permalink | 14 comments
Friday, August 25, 2006
I'm still sick
Hey guys. I was sick yesterday, I feel slightly better today, but awfully dizzy when I walk around. So I'm taking the lazy way out when it comes to a blog post today. I know you guys will understand.

I get lots of e-mails from my friends. A lot of them are emails that claim to be true, and I take great joy in researching them and sending them back to my friends saying "Guys, this is soooo bogus" (for example - the Bill Gates will send you .10 cents for every e-mail you forward on....) Anyhoo. I feel sick. I don't feel like researching the latest e-mail (with photographic "proof" even). I'll let you guys make the decision as to whether this one is real or not. I just don't have the energy.

So. This is called "When Butt Implants go Wrong"

Real or Fake?

****edited to add!!

I just read Cacti's comment, and I think I need to clarify. What I'm asking is, do you think the PHOTOS are real, or do you think someone photoshopped a megabutt on that girl? I mean, if the photo is real - well then YEAH that butt is fake!! LOL. But is this a real photo, or is it photoshopped. I couldn't find anything on Snopes about it, but then again - I didn't dig too hard either... cuz I'm sick you know.
posted by Norman at 8:47 AM | Permalink | 8 comments
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Someone's done rubbed me the wroooooong way
Oh for God's sake. There are some RUDE ASS people out there. Really. Truly. Wanna see an example? Cool! Let me share this e-mail I got earlier today. Wait. Let me back up. It's actually a comment on a post back in June, but I thought I'd make it easier on you by just posting this persons comment. You see, I don't spend all my time cruising my entire blog to see if anyone has commented in the archives. But since I do like to reply to comments - I've set my blog up to e-mail me notification whenever someone posts a comment. Which is how this came to my attention:

"Hi! I have spent all day going through the archives reading your blog start to [almost] finish..and I love it! You are so funny and your family is a hoot...We too have kids...they are 16, 15, 14, 13 and 8, so I can sympathize with your travails over Christmas and Vacation - but C'MON - the Christmas post was bad enough "My Christmas is ruined b/c I didn't get what I want" WTF? I would have yanked every last present away from those two, marched them down to salvation army and been done....but this post at Disneyland? Kicking the garbage can? and you post (again) well they are really good kids. Um, NO, no they aren't....tsk, tsk after kicking the exhibit is nothing. I don't like other people telling me how to raise my kids, but I honestly don't like everytime one of them does something heinous, you simply write "Well, they ARE really good kids." How do you figure?....remember...YOU put them out here. Oh, and you like to say they aren't spoiled...are you K I D D I N G? "

Ummmmm. Fuck off? Really! Please do!! I frickin' wrote about the two things that my kids did that I thought were bad - and you're telling me they're SPOILED?? Let me just tell you. When I said I dragged them off after Ashy's little exhibition, I DRAGGED THEM OFF, I just didn't detail to the blogland the entire extent of what their lecture and punishment entailed. There was no question in anyone's mind that those kids were in the doghouse with me. You also obviously missed the part where I said that they behaved after that. Which is what I expect them to do after they misbehave and get disciplined. I find it hard to believe that you have as many kids as you claim you do and have never had to discipline them because of unacceptable behavior. Which - apparently - from the tone of your comment, your kids are angelic humans that you've never see act like that. EVER. Shall we call them the new Messiahs?

Kids are KIDS. Kids act snotty/bratty/spoiled sometimes. It is what kids do. It is my job as a parent to curtail that kind of behavior and make sure that it doesn't happen again. And you know what? It didn't!! So obviously -- it worked!! How are children going to learn anything by not making mistakes?

You know, YOU tell ME how a child that volunteers her entire Barbie collection (including clothes and accessories) to my co-worker'd 5 year old daughter is spoiled? This particular co-worker of mine lost her house to a fire. I was talking about it to my husband when I felt a tap on my arm. There was Ashton with a paper sack full of her Barbie stuff. She asked me to bring it to the little girl whose house burned down. She volunteered on her own. I didn't ask her to. THAT'S a spoiled child? She had eight Barbie dolls. Now she has one. (oh - and by the way, she had eight Barbie dolls that SHE bought with HER money that SHE earned doing CHORES)

This is a child that had the grace to look embarrassed about the things she owns, because I showed her an e-mail I got the other day about people that have NOTHING. It showed people sleeping on the ground because they have no bed, people wearing shoes made out of string and flattened out plastic coke bottles, and babies that are so malnourished that their little stomachs are distended horribly. This "spoiled" child set out trying to figure out a way to send some money to them. She was sitting out in our front yard trying to sell paperback books to cars driving by so she could send the money to the church. This "spoiled" child also asked for a color copy of the e-mail to bring to class for social studies. She wanted her friends to see it as well.

This is also the child that brought me a cool washcloth for my head at DisneyWorld when we had food poisoning. I told her I was sorry - but that we probably wouldn't go to the parks that day, and she said "That's all right, I don't mind." And you know what? She didn't! She helped us entertain Avery while us adults took turns throwing up. She also ran to the vending machine to get us sprites and water. Oh ... oops - she's spoiled. HUH?

I also don't detail every. single. aspect of their day - because while I love my children - not everyone wants to hear about it all the frickin' time. Those two posts were written just because the situations were so out of the ORDINARY for them, that it was standing out in my mind. So YEAH - THEY REALLY ARE GOOD KIDS! And fuck you for saying otherwise. Don't try to blabber something about how I should *expect* comments like this since I "put them out there". I put my kids out there because I'm PROUD of them, and I LOVE them, and no way would I ever try to change them and their little personalities.

I described two bad behaviors on their part in one year. In ONE YEAR, they behaved horribly twice. HOLY CRAP!! What should i do ?? Send them to Boot Camp??!!! What do you want me to do to them? Harangue them day in and day out every day for the rest of their frickin' lives because of them kicking the garbage can and griping about a Christmas present? Get real. They made a mistake, we dealt with the issue (and I can assure you one last time, that it wasn't just a simple little "tsk-tsk"), and the problem has not been repeated.

So go judge your own life. Better yet. Why don't you go up to someone in PERSON and say something like that to their FACE? It's amazing how brave people are when they think they are masked by a name that says "Anonymous". What anonymous needs to realize is that Anonymous isn't as anonymous as you may think.
posted by Norman at 7:56 PM | Permalink | 17 comments
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Poll's are officially closed!!!!!!!
HA! I'm declaring the poll officially closed!

Dr. Frank n Furter had 12 votes
Jennifer Aniston had 21 votes.

And the winner is.....



You guys did a SPECTACULAR job of picking the winner!! Sorry for those of you who liked Jennifer, but I really did go with the majority... and I declared the winner. Just like Kathleen Harris did during the infamous Florida recount!!!


It rained here LOTS AND LOTS last night. Some areas got 3 inches of rain..... in 20 minutes. It was absolutely CRAZINESS! We had people that were climbing on top of their car roofs, and waiting for the fire department to come by in BOATS. I do, however, hold a slight suspicion that the water was actually only about 10 inches deep, but the fire department wanted an excuse to play with their nifty little white water rafts. I mean - come on.... I'm in the middle of the Texas Panhandle. When else are they going to get to do this?!

I've got a problem tonight. It seems that with all the rain - the outdoor critters have decided us humans have it pretty darn good here in the house. Mostly the spiders. I don't do well with spiders. We have a history. Now - these spiders do not seem to be quite as large as the other one that tried to re-enact the spider drama of "Little Miss Muffet", but I'll be DAMNED if they're not the same breed!


Because I'm afraid that they'll like it sooooo much in here ('cause I make cheesecake,) that they will move in, and become the ginormous scary things that like to pop out of cracks and crevices and climb on me.

OOOoOOOOO!! I'm getting the heebie jeebies!! I know those damn spiders are watching me right now. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of heebie jeebies, somebody searched and found my blog using the keywords "William Shatner Popping Balloons". I just wanted to say thanks for that. It's not enough that I have an abnormal fear of popping balloons, but to throw William Shatner into the equation?? Don't I suffer enough?? Now I'm going to have nightmares of William Shatner hiding in my closet with a straight pin popping those damnable balloons. O the ......... HORROR!!!!
posted by Norman at 8:42 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Monday, August 21, 2006
Yummy times with Norman
Remember this post? I would like to add another fear to my list.

Crescent Roll Cans (or biscuit cans, or whatever the hell else comes in one of these freaky ass cans)

You know... The peel-n-pop cans. You start peeling the labels and the can splits open? Just about makes me crap my pants every time. I had to open two such cans yesterday, and I had to run to the restroom after each one. I hate 'em! I wish they would go back to the old way. Remember the old way? You'd peel the label off, and then wham it against the counter to split it open? Then they went to the spoon pop. Where you would press a spoon against the seam and it would pop open. That still scared me, cause it was so sudden, but it was marginally better than the peel-n-pop. But nOOoOoOOooooOOooo.. It's the stupid peel-n-pop. I was trying to peel it open slowly yesterday, cause it had a "box-top" label on it. I save those to send to the kids schools. So I didn't want to tear it. I peeled the label and FFFFOOOOFFF the can split open, and split the label at the same time. Pissed me right off... after I had just about pissed myself too out of fear.

But alas - I'm forced to use the peel-n-pop cans in order to concoct this yummy goodness:

The Sopapilla Cheesecake.

It takes about 10 minutes to make (bathroom breaks included to get over the sudden pop), 30 minutes to bake, and 15 minutes for it to disappear. Whenever I make this, I generally bring along copies of the recipe - since everyone mauls me for a copy. So you - dear blogging friends, are welcome to a copy of this cheesecake.

Sopapilla Cheesecake

2 cans of crescent rolls
2 eight oz packages of cream cheese
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1 cup sugar
1 stick of butter
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Open one can of crescent rolls (POP!) and spread over the bottom of a rectangular pan, pinching seams together and forming a crust.

Melt cream cheese in microwave (stirring for even melting), add 1 teaspoon vanilla and 1 cup sugar. Mix well, and pour over crescent roll crust.

Open second can of crescent rolls (POP!) and spread it out on wax paper, flatten out to form a top crust (pinching seams). Invert over cream cheese mixture and peel off wax paper.

Melt the butter in the microwave, add 1/2 cup sugar and 1 teaspoon cinnamon. Mix well and spread over the top crescent roll layer evenly.

Bake at 375 for approx. 30 minutes (or until golden brown).

MMMMmmMMMMMmmmmMMMM goood!! And why shouldn't it be good? It's got 1 1/2 CUPS OF SUGAR IN IT! Now, I haven't tried to do it yet - but if you use this recipe, you are welcome to try the Bakers Splenda and let me know how it turns out.

So I think I might have a recipe day on this blog. We get tired in my house of eating the same old things, so I'm always checking out new & interesting recipes. Would you guys be interested in participating? I'll pick a day of the week to post a recipe that is simply AWESOME. (much like the above yummy cheesecake), and you are welcome to thief it from me. Also - you are welcome to post your own fav recipe for everyone else to try.

Who's up for this?!

Oh and by the way, as of 6:45am this morning (while I'm typing this....) it appears to ME that Frank N Furter is WINNING THIS POLL!! Yes, that's right - he's beating the pants off Jennifer!! No wonder she looks so pissed in that picture! She's losing to a tranny!

What? Hey. I told ya'll this is MY blog and I'll interpret the votes anywayiwanna. So keep on voting and I'll call the winner tonight when I get home from work!

posted by Norman at 4:46 AM | Permalink | 9 comments
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Voting is MANDATORY!
Nobody gave me any suggestions for this weeks poll subjects, so I went back to the previous week and took Shangie's request. So let's see who comes out the winner!

Remember -- voting is MANDATORY.

By the way - I went to the grocery store, and got spun out into the fourth dimension of PISSED OFF. I spent 15 minutes getting fruits and vegetables that were unblemished, firm, unbruised... beautiful! And then I get to the checkout counter, and the little checker guys whams all my fresh produce onto the belt, slings it down those little roller bars, and then the bagger just chucks them into the sack. I asked them, ever so nicely through clenched teeth, if they would mind handling my groceries with care, but they just looked at me and continued on with their sling & chuck routine. Pissed me off. I really think I need to get out more.

On to the weekend poll!!

Who's looks better in thigh high hose??
Dr. Frank N. Furter
Jennifer Aniston
Free polls from
posted by Norman at 10:36 AM | Permalink | 10 comments
Friday, August 18, 2006
oops. i have no title.
Don't you just love clicking the "next blog" button? I clicked it yesterday, and found a neat blog with a meme to do. Now this meme looks more fun than some of the others that are out there, so I decided to try it. Let me know if you play!!!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

Spooky Birkshire

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)

Fernande Tootsie Roll

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)

D Ly

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Purple Tiger

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Lynn Savannah

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME!!: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of your mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in)


7. SUPERHERO NAME: (your favorite color, favorite drink)

Purple Margarita

Now some of you may have noticed that my blog entries have been sucking ass lately, and also that I've not been visiting my favorite blogs as much lately. I'M SORRY! It's pitiful excuses I have but really - when I get home, my kids are running wild and I guess they require supervision and/or attention. Or something like that. Huh. But anyway - the minute I sit down at the computer, I'm immediately pulled away to do something like the mother I'm supposed to be. That means that I don't get to play wit da blogs until much later, and by then I'm so brain dead that I can't pull a semi-humerous post out of my ass to save my life. Not to mention that I have NO BY MYSELF TIME to do a post. My husband comes and sits next to me, and decides to explain all the details of the movie he's watching while I'm trying to type. I can't be creative!! I feel like I'm being stifled!! But I digress. I was gonna tell you guys that I'll really try to get on the ball next week, mmm'kay?

And are ya'll ready for the weekend poll?? Remember - it's mandatory to vote (because I said so)

posted by Norman at 5:54 PM | Permalink | 2 comments
Thursday, August 17, 2006
It just keeps getting better and better.
First, let me show you a couple of the pairs of shoes I got this last weekend. The first pair is a lovely little reddish wine colored shoes with a cute little buckle.

The second pair is plain ol' brown. The notable thing about the brown shoes - is that #1, they are USED, and #2, they only cost me $4.00. YEAH!! Now - in my defense, I soaked a couple of washrags in lysol, and slipped them in the shoes for a couple days.

I needed to kill some previous foot funk. I think they'll work. Sorta. See, rebellious me just COULDN'T conform to the heel heighth requirement. You'll note, in the third picture - that the shoe heels are each 3 inches high. I need this extra unallowable inch, simply because I have stumpy legs. This one little inch is the difference between looking like a saddlebag mama, and a long lean coltish model type chicka... (in my own mind... of course). I'm hoping I'll be able to sneak past the Gestapo, because my pants leg will be hiding the illegal heighths. Let's just pray that I don't slip and fall.

Speaking of slipping and falling... it seems that ANOTHER person has fallen at my work. Now, the rumer mill has been churning, and I've been able to run this rumer to the ground, and we're pretty sure it's TRUE. Since our cute shoes have been taken from us, it seems that management has to find something else to do to try to make our workplace safer.

Ya'll ready for this?

Our medical staff is compiling a list of all overweight personnel. Because they have a history of being the ones that fall most often. Once they have compiled this list of heavyweights, those persons will be notified that they have 90 DAYS to LOSE THE WEIGHT. Otherwise, they will be labeled "medically unfit to perform their jobs", and then they will be terminated.

I do believe an uprising is in order. There is no way!! No way that this can be legal!! Can they do this? I swear, it is just getting so freaking ridiculous out there. I would love to quit, and find a job closer to home - but I wouldn't be able to make what I'm making there. Besides, I don't need to worry so much about myself on the weight thing. (I'm not fat - but my BUTT is... )
posted by Norman at 6:17 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
I was busy yesterday... ok??!!!!

I didn't post yesterday, sorry if you're pissed off about that (ahem.... afc, that was directed to YOU!) But I was really busy yesterday!! Don't ya hate it when my real life rears its ugly head and interferes with my blog? I know, it's a terrible thing, but here I am now!

I took the day off of work yesterday, and trucked my oldest off to her very first day of 3rd grade. She thinks she's quite the kahuna, let me tell you. She's so very excited about being a 3rd grader! I got her sent off, and then Avery and I headed over to my mother's house, to check on Ethan. Oh - I guess I neglected to tell you, my 3 year old nephew is in town (from San Antonio) so my mother borrowed Ethan this week from me to keep my nephew entertained. I left Avery with my mother, and went and enrolled myself for another class at my college. So now on Tuesday nights - instead of Algebra, I'll be learning "Oceanography". No field trips to the coast though. I did tell the school counselor that I think that's jacked up. I think field trips for Oceanography should be a REQUIREMENT. But I'll deal with it. Next up after college enrollment, was the biggie. Trying to find a preschool for Ethan. The Montessori he was in decided to raise their tuition rates to $240/month. They also decided to extend the hours of the Montessori to help justify the rate increase. The extended hours now include lunch and recess. I'm not paying an additional $100/month for him to eat and play. So we derolled him (is derolled a word?) But then I had to hunt for a daycare. I wasn't holding out too much hope to find/locate/register him all in one day - but guys, I hit the JACKPOT! I found a preschool for him that offers the following: Language Arts, Pre-reading, Music Appreciation, Art Appreciation, Science, Math, Social Studies, and Field Trips to the fire station, botanical gardens, museum, etc... The class size is limited to 12 children, and each class has 2 licensed and certified teachers. All for $100/month. I was aghast. But I'm not dumb, and I got him IN! I'm too excited about it! So a big ol' WOOOOHOOOOOO is in order!

Then, I tackled WalMart. I brought my receipt to the manager, and explained how I didn't think it was fair that they should charge different prices for the same item, just because of the demographics. I think I even threw the phrase of "financial discrimination" in there. The poor guy didn't know what hit him. I threatened to picket outside of the store with a visual aide of price comparisons among the different WalMarts, and he told me that if I could tell them the price of an item of the same make/model/manufacturer at a different WalMart in town, he would gladly honor it. so YEAH!!! I'll keep that in mind for when we have higher priced items to buy. I'll make sure I price it first and then make them let me have it for the lower price. (insert evil laugh here)

We also held a birthday party for my nephew.. I mentioned he is 3 right? Well, he turned 3 yesterday, so we got him balloons, toys, clothes and a cake.

And that was my day yesterday. It was a busy day, but it was fun!
posted by Norman at 7:19 PM | Permalink | 8 comments
Monday, August 14, 2006
It's just a jump to the LEFT
Hey!! Looks like Dr. Frank N Furter time-warped his way to the top for the second week in a row now!! I'm officially declaring the poll closed.

Any suggestions as to who he should go up against NEXT weekend?

I just got back from WalMart. That's why I didn't post earlier. But hey - I didn't go to just ANY WalMart. Apparently - I went to the poor people's WalMart. No kidding. That's what someone told me while I was there. I had to go to this other WalMart because the RICH WalMart that I usually go to was out of camoflauge bookbags, and my darling sweet 8 year old absolutely HAD to have the camo book bag. So I trotted on over to the "poor" WalMart. They didn't have one either, but I ran into one of my coworkers (she was shopping for shoes.... HA!!) Anyway, she wanted to know why I was at the poor man's WalMart. I asked her what she meant, and she said "Haven't you noticed? You'll spend about 20% less HERE than for the same items at our normal WalMart"


WalMart is WalMart... right? It's a franchise.. they can't do that, can they? So one of the reasons why I'm so late in posting is because I took my receipt from the poor WalMart and zoomed on over to the rich WalMart. I priced all the same exact items, and do you know what?? I SAVED $20 fricking dollars! That's NOT FAIR!! I'm pissed off. I'm going to bring that receipt in to their business office tomorrow, and DEMAND equal and fair pricing.

Now see?? I have a boring life - don't I?

posted by Norman at 8:39 PM | Permalink | 17 comments
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Weekend Poll!

OK guys!! Here's this weekend's poll! Now, just in case you are not familiar with either of the choices, I've made the pictures clickable, so that you can get a chance to see them in action! I love both of guys, so go ahead and tell me which one you prefer:

Which one is just waaaaay cooler?
Hard Gay
Dr. Frank N Furter
Free polls from

Now remember, I only do these polls since NO ONE likes to comment on weekends. (See below post for example - the only people that have commented are obviously the people that love me the most!! LOLOLOL)

You know what? When I was creating this post, I was watching Dr. Frank N Furter sing the Sweet Transvestite song... and now it's stuck in my head!!

Have a great weekend guys! AND DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!! It's just a simple little click!


****OOPS!! I guess I should explain who Hard Gay is.... But you know what? I'm really not quite sure of the complete background. He's like a Japanese Comedian that dresses up like that, and wanders the streets going: WOOOOOOOOO!!! It's really funny to see the reactions that people have, and apparently, he's HUGE in Japan. I watched his video, and I thought it was pretty funny myself... remember, click on both pictures to see these guys in action!
posted by Norman at 8:36 AM | Permalink | 9 comments
Friday, August 11, 2006
Oh man oh man oh man.

Remember yesterday when I told you we all had to get new shoes? They were really dead dog serious about the shoe thing!!

When I got to work this morning - they had the frickin' SHOE GESTAPO out in the parking lots with rulers (to measure the heel heighth)!!! Unfreakingbelievable.

The Shoe Nazis. At my work. Telling me that my tweety bird slippers were UNACCEPTABLE! I got carded by the Shoe Nazis!! I received a nifty little card that said:


Or some bullshit to that effect. I'll have to remember to bring my card home and scan it in just so's ya'll will know I'm not lying.

The flunkies that were conducting this shakedown? Well - they weren't really flunkies - these are the guys that pull in about $200,000/yr. What kind of crap is that? You'd think they'd have something better to do than police the parking lot for illicit shoewear. But that's what they were doing. They had on little flourescent vests so that we'd see them. And they would CHASE US DOWN to measure our heels.

I brought my boot shoes with me just in case I got in trouble for the slippers (which I did). And did you know I got in trouble for my boot shoes too????? Apparently, the heel heighth on my boot shoes was 2 1/4". Approx. 1/4" TOO HIGH for the regulations.

So then I got a second card.


Ok. I'll get off my shoe gripe now... but I will put up my weekend poll tomorrow. Remember, the point of the weekend poll is for participation! I want to prove to myself that people actually DO read my blog on the weekends. The poll is my courtesy to YOU, so that you don't have to comment if you don't want to, but you are still *participating* by clicking on the little poll-o-meter. That way, I'M happy because you voted and I can see that people do read me on the weekend, and YOU'RE happy, because it's just one little click - you don't have to type anything, and because you'll have the knowledge that a simple little click threw me into all kinds of egotistical ecstacy.

Thanks! Poll will be up and ready for voting tomorrow... Oh - and each of the pictures will be clickable so that you can see the people *in action*... (How can you vote for Dr. Frank-N-Furter if you've never seen one of his videos??)

posted by Norman at 7:41 PM | Permalink | 9 comments
Thursday, August 10, 2006
sorry guys
I don't have a post for you. I've been having to do some shoe shopping.

Now, normally, I would capitalize shoe shopping like this: SHOE SHOPPING!! WOOOHOOO!!

But no. I'm sooooo not excited about it. You know why? Because I HAVE to shoe shop. Oh no, I'm not like a shoe whore or anything like that... but if I see a cute pair of shoes, I like to get them as long as they aren't too expensive. But I'm not having fun with this. In fact - I'm kinda PISSY about having to shoe shop. Here's the reason:

My work came out with a new rule today. Dealing with shoes. From now on, the ONLY footwear allowed should be shoes that completely encase the foot. That means, NO flipflops, NO sandals, NO open-toed shoes, and NO open-heeled shoes. They further explained that shoes should be comprised of leather, or other comparable material, and heels must be less than 2 inches high, further explaining that the heel surface MUST consist of at least 1 square inch.

This translates to one ugly muthafuckin' shoe.


Also - the soles must be hard, so there goes my rebellious idea of wearing my tweety bird slippers to work tomorrow. Fuckity.

So please excuse me while I go online to find the world's ugliest shoe. I would go somewhere in town, but 2500+ women have made a run on the local department stores today and bought up all the tolerably ugly shoes. All that's left are the fuglier than thou ones.

But I'm really sorry I don't have a post for you today.
posted by Norman at 7:32 PM | Permalink | 16 comments
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Dare I HOPE??!!??


It means:

I'm within sight of not buying diapers anymore!! Cue the heavenly chorus singing "HALLELUJAH!!"

I was at home yesterday, when Avery came running up to me doing the PeePee dance. You know what that is, EVERYONE has done the PeePee dance at one point in their life. Only my child never has. I was in shock. We haven't even gotten her potty chair out of storage yet, but she has been following the kids into the bathroom when they go. So on a whim, I asked her if she wanted to go potty, and she said "YES..." like I was the biggest idiot in the world. So we ran into the bathroom, plunked the toilet insert (Ethan's) onto the seat, and plopped her down. Here we are singing the PeePee song:

Guys - I have been changing diapers for 8 years. EIGHT YEARS!! Can you tell how very excited I am?? This is sooo huge.

Poor little tyke tried so hard to go. I could see her really concentrating. She must have sat there for five minutes just trying. But after a while she got tired of it, and got down. I was so very proud of her for even trying. She's only 20 months old, let's hear a WOOT-WOOT! for Avery!

Oh - and I'm declaring the last poll officially closed. As I'm typing this, WE HAVE A NEW WINNER!! DR. FRANK-N-FURTER will be going up against *SOMEONE* next weekend. Be prepared.... be very prepared...

posted by Norman at 3:49 PM | Permalink | 19 comments
Monday, August 07, 2006
That nasty white shit leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Ok. Ok.

First, let me just say that as I type this, my little weekend blog poll is still tied. I'm in a quandry. I really really need to know who the preference is, because it matters. To me. OK??

Second, let me tell ya'll that you guys are a bunch of FILTHY MCNASTIES!! Just what the hell did you THINK I meant by my blog title? HUH? Oh yeah. I could see you guys there going... 'Huh..huhhuh... Norman's been doing funky stuff with her ol' man'. Well - NOT!! NEVER!! I'm talking about the KKK, not anything else!!

Yeah. We had the KKK in our town this last weekend. Isn't that something? Buncha losers. I swore I'd stay away from downtown, but that's only because we were told that no objects that could be used as weapons would be allowed. So that left me out. I had plans for some water balloons and pee. Bummer.

But I did read the newspaper write up on it. I was glad to see that their rally didn't really pull in the crowds that they had hoped for (oh, and BTW, their topic was "Illegal Immigration") Now. The one thing that did throw me for a loop was that one of the SUPPORTERS for the KKK was a! black! man! WTF????!!! Apparently, the black man supporter was irate because he couldn't hear the message the KKK had to give because the anti-KKK people were making too much racket in the background. He felt they had a valuable message that we needed to hear. They published this deluded man's name, and I'm pretty sure that he's gonna turn up dead pretty soon. Oh well - maybe that's nature's way of weeding out the idiots.

So since I didn't go to the Klan rally, I stood out on a street corner instead and collected money. Legally. I single-handedly raised $650!! YAY!!

Again, you filthy mcnasties... I was raising money for a CHARITY and all I did was stand at the stop light with a little bucket.

I swear... you guys...
posted by Norman at 5:54 PM | Permalink | 13 comments
OK Guys --
It's a tie! I need you to vote, only if you haven't done so already. Richard Simmons and Tim Curry are locked in a dead heat!!!

I was going to post something else COMPLETELY different this morning, as well as announce the winner off the weekend poll, but since it's a tie - I have to ask for all the non-voters to vote as well.

So - if you haven't already voted go ahead and do it! Whichever one wins - I already have the next week's competition picked out!

And I'll post my regular Monday post when I get home instead of now.

Oh.... and let me tell you guys this:

posted by Norman at 4:57 AM | Permalink | 6 comments
Friday, August 04, 2006
Weekend Poll!
Hey!! Welcome to the second Weekend Poll!! You have to pick ONE OF THEM!!

I love Rocky Horror Picture Show. In fact, we are teaching Ethan how to dance the Time Warp. He adores it! However, he's not allowed to watch the rest of the movie. Rocky Horror is one of my husband's favorite movies as well. Wait. Let's review this last statement, and compare.

Hubby loves Rocky Horror Picture Show, a movie about cross-dressing aliens who frolick throughout the movie on phallic props and wear gold lame underwear.

Hubby abhors Brokeback Mountain, a movie about homosexual cowboys. Who dress normally.

Yeah. Do we see the contradiction here? If not, I just wanted to point it out. I swear. Well, that's life at my house. And you guys wonder why I'm so very strange. I live with a man that can't make up his mind.

View Pics and VOTE!

If you were on a deserted island, which one of these TWO choices would you select? (Must pick one of THESE TWO, no substitutions allowed)
Free polls from
posted by Norman at 9:25 PM | Permalink | 9 comments
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Forbidden Fruit
I'M ALIVE!! I'm still alive!! I made it thru the night!! yahoooo!!!

But on the other hand, the hubby called me today and said he has to stay in Ft. Worth until Friday, so I'm stuck here again, waiting for the ghost to appear. Yippee Ki Yay.

As revenge, I am doing something I have been *FORBIDDEN* to do. (Heh. Freak Magnet & Stewie know where this is going!!)

I'm watching Brokeback Mountain. I'M BEING BAAAAAD!!!

You see, my husband has decided that while he doesn't "mind" the gay person's lifestyle, he certainly doesn't want to pay money to advocate it. (?????!!!!) Yeah, I don't get it either, but a while back, he declared that movie OFF LIMITS, and FORBADE me to watch it. I humored him. I mean - c'mon. He's gotta have a pair of pants to wear around here every now and then. And it's not like I was absolutely DYING to see the movie anyway, even if it does have Heath Ledger in it. So I let him tell me that.

But now he's not here, and I'm WATCHING IT!! SO HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and just BTW - that frickin' possum left a turd in my garage. I'm leaving that for the hubs to pick up as well. I ain't touchin' it.

posted by Norman at 6:56 PM | Permalink | 22 comments
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Ooops. My bad...
I had a shock this morning and it was all my fault! There. I don't say that often, and I trust you guys won't tell my husband I said that? You know what happened?!! I was late to work AGAIN this morning. That's two days in a row. BUT! As always, I have an excuse!

When I was getting ready to leave, I opened the door to the garage, and started trying to herd the dogs outside. Usually they run right outside but not this morning. They were just huddling at the door and growling. So I tried to nudge them out, but they wouldn't move. I couldn't figure out what the problem was so I stepped out in the garage and tried to call them to me. Nuttin' doin. I was about to walk back in the house and DRAG them out - when the OTHER growling started. I turned around to see what the hell was going on, and that's when I saw IT. The World's Largest Rat! In my garage! But then I looked closer at it (after backing up to be closer to the dogs) and noticed that this rat had squirmy things on it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IT'S A POSSUM!!! WITH BABIES!!!!!!! IN MY GARAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT'S PISSED AT ME!!!!!

I scrambled back into the house, and shut the door. I peeked out of the glass in the patio door and quickly figured out how this nasty rat looking creature ended up in my garage. Apparently - I forgot to put the doggy door down last night, and the stupid thing waltzed right in and was eating the dog food that we keep in the garage. I disturbed it, and it was being defensive of its babies (that were on it's BACK! ICK!!) So it's my fault that we had the call of the wild in our garage last night. And I've also decided that we have wimpy dogs cause they wouldn't scare it off. And whoever said that possums play dead was LYING!! That stupid thing was MEAN!

I finally cracked the door open, eased my arm out and hit the garage door button. It ran away and I was able to get the dogs out of the house and on my way to work. And that's why I was late.

You know what? My husband is out of town on business tonight, and I'm alone. I'M SCARED!! I hate it when he leaves!! Oh sure - I've got the kids with me, but what are they gonna do when the ghost shows up? They're going to look to ME to save them. I'm sure I'll be a whimpering lump. Poor kids. My hubby better get back home FAST tomorrow! Thank God it's just for tonight!!

OK chickees. I'm off to take some Sominex so that I'll be nice and tired and actually fall asleep.

posted by Norman at 7:24 PM | Permalink | 9 comments
Get awesome blog templates like this one from