Thursday, January 05, 2006
Norman's Fantasy Day
I woke up to nothing! No screaming ,crying kids, no bickering… nothing. Just the morning sunshine lighting my room. Ahhh… that’s so nice! I wandered into the kitchen, and as I passed a mirror, I noticed that my hair looked wonderful. I didn’t have bedhead at all. What’s going on here? Also – there was no evidence of sleep puffiness anywhere around my eyes. For once, I looked spectacular. A wonderful smell drifted from the kitchen and I followed my nose. There, standing in the middle of the room, was a half-naked man holding out a cup of freshly brewed coffee. “I made this for you.” He stated, and smiled gently at me. “Thanks! Who are you?” I wasn’t scared or anything, just curious. “I’m Dimitri. I’m your part of your Fantasy. I’ll be here if you have any questions or anything. Otherwise, I won’t open my mouth or annoy you.” “Hey cool! Kinda like the office assistant on Microsoft?” “Yes, kinda like that.” He affirmed. “Or wait – are you more like a genie and I have three wishes?” “Oh no. You have the entire day. Whatever you want to do, do it. Just make sure you never say you don’t want anything, or else we’ll no longer be needed. In the meantime, I’ll be here to assist you in anything you want”

YEAH!

“Ok, so how do I start this?” I asked eagerly “Just wave your hand like the princess you are, and whatever you desire will be yours.” Eager to test out this new power, I waved my hands dramatically in the air and glanced around at my house that needed to be cleaned. Instantly, the house vanished, only to be replaced by a beautiful meadow, complete with hopping bunnies, butterflies, warm spring breezes and flowers. Oops. “Dimitri?” I called. “What happened to my house?! I mean, I like it here, but I really need to have a house for my family.” Instantly, he reappeared and assessed the situation. “Oh – I see, maybe you shouldn’t wave your hands around so much next time. I mean – you are the greatest woman in the world, and soft gentle motions should be sufficient to convey your wishes.” Wow! I have power. With a more restrained motion, I wiggled my hands, and my house reappeared, only now it looked bigger, cleaner and newer. Yay! I like this. I like it a lot.

I wandered into my house and marveled at the new, glamorous furnishings. I popped open one door and gaped at the expansive, marbled bathroom with a Jacuzzi smack dab in the middle of the room. A glass of champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries sat on a silver tray alongside the tub. I shivered with anticipation, and slipped off my jammies, keeping my eyes on the bubbling water. Oops. I just caught a glance of my body in the mirror. Hmmph. It’s my fantasy day! I did a little wiggle with my newly-magicked fingers and ka-POW! I no longer have a need for boob-job, tummy tuck & butt-lift. I also have now obtained smoothly bronzed skin and healthier hair. I sank into the water and reached for the champagne.

The door clicked open and yet another gorgeous, half-naked man appeared. “Hi, I’m Raul. I’ll be your bath attendant while you’re in here. I’d like to tell you how desireable you are, and I’m willing to do anything you ask.” Heh. Now there’s an offer I can’t refuse! “Great! Raul – do me a favor. I don’t like reaching my arm out of this warm water. Would you mind feeding me the strawberries?” “Of course not darling” he replied and lowered himself down to sit by me. “Would you like me to sing to you as well?” he whispered. “No, of course not. That would be stupid. Why don’t you get another one of your friends in here to rub my shoulders?” Granted. I now have two hot men tending to my every need. Nice relaxing bath with soft sponges and shoulder massages. Ooooooo yeah.

My fingers puckered and my muscles relaxed, I meandered out of the bathroom and encountered: my children. They were dressed, fed and happily playing together in the middle of the cozy looking living room. “Hey guys! What do you think of my fantasy?!” I exclaimed happily. Ashton looked at me, and started to whine. “Yeah, well Mom, it’s all nice and good for you, but we’re kinda bored and …” I wiggled my fingers, and watched as her mouth moved but no sound emerged. Ahhhhhh I’m soooo loving this. About this time, my husband came waltzing in to the new house. He carried a bouquet of orchids (cause their my fav) and asked how the new housemen were working. I kissed him lightly on the cheek and exclaimed, “Wonderfully! They are such a help! I have Dimitri out in the back yard picking up dog doo, and Raul and his friend are doing laundry. They’ve given me massages and chocolate and nothing but compliments all day long! I couldn’t ask for anything more!” and just like that… POOF the spell was broken.

The house was messy, the kids babbling came on full force and the orchids my husband was holding turned into a six-pack of beer.



Something tells me I should get out more….
 
posted by Norman at 7:07 PM | Permalink |


3 Comments:


  • At Friday, January 06, 2006 8:39:00 AM, Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker

    Norman, this was a great fantasy. My fantasy day is called "The Day of No Consequences" where you can do whatever you want - you can ram into people who get on your nerves with your car in traffic, you can tell off just about anyone, you can use real cream and real sugar in your coffee and eat macaroni and cheese and french fries and a milk shake in one meal, and you can sleep with whomever you please and after all that there are absolutely no consequences, legal, personal, or to your health. Not even heartburn.

     
  • At Friday, January 06, 2006 1:39:00 PM, Blogger Tammy

    I couldn't get past the "like the Microsoft assistant." Norm, you continue to crack my shit right up.

     
  • At Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:48:00 PM, Blogger Rants from a Bee

    Norm - Fantasy Day - I"m so jealous.....and damn you for saying you couldn't ask for anything more! I was all relaxed and the minute it ended, I remembered I'm at work..."working"...

     
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