I am Norman

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Open letter to my prospective homebuyers:

Dear HomeBuyer:

I really appreciate the fact that you came by to look at my house. In fact - I'm thrilled!! I really hope you buy it!! Especially since you saw fit to rip the textured wall in my kids Rubber Ducky Bathroom! I mean... yeah - it's a cool wall, my husband and I spent three days applying that texture. Of course you want to touch it, but you really shouldn't try to peel it off to see if it will come off ~~you stupid ignorant asswipe if I find you I will kick your ass and charge you $500~~.

~~I also would appreciate it if next time you will flush after leaving that grunt-log in my toilet you nasty fucker.~~ Please remember to use proper bathroom etiquette and flush next time. (And please see a physician about that apparent irritable bowl syndrome)

~~Control your demon spawn while in my house~~ Now. I understand that you have children, and they are more than likely excited about the Thomas the Train table in my son's room, but please use courtesy and don't let them destroy the bridges that my son worked very hard at creating.

And please. Refrain from pawing thru my underwear drawer ~~you freaking pervert~~. I've just spent the last 3 hours sanitizing my laundry to make sure that I don't experience any unexpected pregnancies from any kind of bio-hazard you might have left while you tossed my drawer around.

Thanks!!

Norman

posted by Norman at 7:24 PM

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14 Comments:

At Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:22:00 PM, Unknown

I'd like to say that I am shocked but sadly I am not. People are so friggin weird!!!

Sorry Norm!

Shelly
At Friday, March 23, 2007 4:07:00 AM, Gail S

Oh my Goodness!
Please tell me you're exaggerating!
I always felt a little strange just opening kitchen cabinets to check storage room. You know, how you look while trying not to actually see anything in there? It's revolting to think that complete strangers would be destructive in a home they are touring. I hate people!
At Friday, March 23, 2007 5:00:00 AM, Me

OMGosh - what kind of freaks are touring your house???

We've bought 4 homes and I would never do ANY of those things. We've sold 3 homes and I've never had any of that happen. (Ok, well I don't THINK they went through my underwear drawer anyway...).

I assume you put in a HUGE complaint to the realtor that showed them the house right??? And let your realtor know?

Those things are ALL not acceptable.
At Friday, March 23, 2007 7:20:00 AM, Lisa

You know the worst thing you can do to yourself is be in the house when a prospective buyer is there looking. I always wanted to scream "Don't touch that!" or "Get the hell out of there!!" when they'd go snooping around.

Next time, run away. Get yourself a coffee (or margarita!).
At Friday, March 23, 2007 7:25:00 AM, RVVagabond

Ewww, just ewwww. **shudders**
At Friday, March 23, 2007 1:35:00 PM, Anonymous

umm... yeah... I don't even have anything to say to that. What the hell is wrong with people? I would complain to the realtor as well.
At Friday, March 23, 2007 3:07:00 PM, Anonymous

Well, I can tell by the clues that it wasn't Assblaster that toured your home. Be thankful for that.

I think, if it were me, that I would buy the nastiest sex toys I could get and place them in there with mayo on them. That would show em....
At Friday, March 23, 2007 3:57:00 PM, The Spinster

At least you still have your underwear. Mine was stolen and they didn't even buy the house!
At Friday, March 23, 2007 5:05:00 PM, HH

EWWWWWWW I am sooooo against Open houses!lol...nasty nasty all around!
At Friday, March 23, 2007 6:56:00 PM, Northwoods Woman

Ewwwwww! When I sold my house, I insisted on being there. We had one couple get in the closet to see if they could have sex in there or not!
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 10:57:00 AM, Nicki

Next time, tape the drawers on your dresser shut. I realize they'll still go through the closets, but think of the impression you'll make!
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 1:10:00 PM, Silliyak

Maybe you could do a hidden video and sell it to one of the funny video programs.
At Monday, March 26, 2007 7:44:00 AM, Unknown

Hi Norm!
I've tried to remain the silent lurker just for the joy of reading alone, but absolutely have to reply to this entry with:
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!!! I would have NEVER thought something like that would happen.

I needed to thank you for the heads up. I'm on my 1st home & hope to sell it one day so I will definately beware!
At Thursday, April 12, 2007 8:54:00 AM, Anonymous

I know that I'm totally late in responding to this, but I'm going to anyway. The joys of being away from the computer for awhile...anyway...

EW! That is horrible! I cannot believe that there are people out there who do this! I'm not sure what is worse-having no respect for people's property or for their personal space. I mean, what the shit??