Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Remember when you were a kid and it was time to get into bed? I do. I would get my bed all turned down, go to the light switch, turn it off, back up about 5 feet, then take a running leap into my bed... SAFE! Why the running leap, you ask? Well - it's to prevent the monsters that live under your bed from grabbing your ankles and pulling you under of course. What a silly question that was. And getting out of bed was almost the same routine. I would stand up in the middle of my bed, and use it as a springboard to propel myself to the middle of the room. Then I could safely turn on the light and leave the room. I think all of you must have done this at one time or another, right? I know I'm right. I just know it.

So my kid freaked me out the other night. My oldest, Ashton, came strolling into our bedroom night before last at about... oh - I think it was 2 fucking o'clock in the morning. "Mommy... Daddy", she whispered. "Whaaaa?? Did you throw up? Is someone breaking into the house?? Whaaat??!!" (I don't wake up very happily)
"Ethan is stuck underneath his bed again, and he absolutely won't come out. I know he can come out- but he won't and he's crying really loud and I can't sleep" All of that was said in one breath. She's our informer But I was freaked out by the fact that he was under his bed. What the hell is he doing under his bed? I just can't fathom the idea of a 4 year old crawling underneath his bed willingly at 2 o'clock (excuse me... 2 fucking o'clock) in the morning. So my husband & I went to his bedroom, and sure enough - he's under his bed crying. I turned on the light (monsters... heh) and got down on the floor. "Ethan," I said "What in the name of all that's holy are you doing under there?" "I'M STUUUUUUUCK!!!" "I can see that... but what are you doing under there?" "STTTUUUUUUUUUUCCCKK!!!" *sigh* Well - he was 'stuck' because every time he'd try to get out, he'd raise his head up and then he couldn't get out from under the bed. So I shoved my hand under the bed and put it on his head, he's free!! Now maybe I can get an answer from him. "Why were you under the bed?" He looked at me like I was stupid. Maybe I am.. I dunno.. "Because I wanted to get my flashlight" Ooooooooh. I suppose that was supposed to explain it, but I wanted to know more. "Hunny, why do you need your flashlight? It's 2 in the morning, you're supposed to be asleep." Another look... "Becaaaaaause... I need to see inside my closet." OK. I've heard enough. I don't want to know anymore. I'm sick and tired of hearing about things in closets. It can only be no good. So I re-tucked him in, and went back to bed. But I ask you this... what NORMAL kid goes crawling underneath his bed in the middle of the night??!! Freaky.

posted by Norman at 6:30 PM | Permalink |


  • At Wednesday, November 30, 2005 8:26:00 PM, Blogger pack of 2

    Oh...I remember monsters under the bed...even now sometimes:)

    I'm off to click on your ads now.


  • At Wednesday, November 30, 2005 10:23:00 PM, Blogger Michelle

    Oh, how this made all the old memories come rushing back. Not only did I do that but because me and Tammy shared a room when we were little we would fight over who had to turn out the light. Most of the time we would call our dad to come and do it but on the nights he couldn't or just wouldn't we would fight over it. Which always lead to the run and leap.

  • At Wednesday, November 30, 2005 10:59:00 PM, Anonymous asterismos

    I remember being afraid of the under the bed creatures but in a different way. I could not stand to have my feet or arms hang over the edge whatsoever. Of course this was to prevent anything under the bed from tugging at me and possibly pulling me under the bed during the night.

  • At Thursday, December 01, 2005 3:35:00 AM, Blogger Linda and Denny

    Not only did I have to do the standing leap but I had to have the covers pulled over my ear while laying on my side so the bed monster wouldn't crawl out and bite my ear off while I slept. And I won't even go into the horrors of being sent to the basement to bring up a tool for Dad!

  • At Thursday, December 01, 2005 8:44:00 AM, Blogger Michael

    Maybe the ghost was in his closet and woke him up?

    You are so cool I'll click on your ads twice!

    Take Care

  • At Thursday, December 01, 2005 1:40:00 PM, Blogger Tammy

    After your ghost, nothing should freak you out!! :)

    I too hate being woken up in the middle of the night. Makes me very grumpy.

  • At Thursday, December 01, 2005 1:56:00 PM, Blogger Ann

    I have been a lurker for awhile now. Now I no longer am. You have commented a few times on my blog and I enjoy yours--and sometimes I laugh out loud. Woooo!
    Anyway, I used to think there were monsters under my bed. I would check and they wouldn't be there. So I figured they ran to the closet. I would check the closet and nothing. So they must be under the bed ... you get the picture.
    My fave story so far has been the kids driving the little Hummer to the store. I know that was super dangerous--but I was laughing.

  • At Thursday, December 01, 2005 3:15:00 PM, Blogger EarthMother

    Kids are weird ...
    Just be thankful they didn't crawl under your bed. One of mine did that once and I stlil haven't figured out why yet.
    Your blog makes me laugh.

  • At Thursday, December 01, 2005 6:18:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    See? I knew I wasn't the only kid that took running leaps into bed!

    I also(like some of you mentioned) had to keep my feet covered at all times - I didn't want the "clippies" to get my feet (oh my. I guess I'll have to explain clippies now... but that's another post!)

    I still to this day cannot let any of my body parts hang over the bed!

  • At Thursday, December 01, 2005 6:19:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Oh! And I'm so glad I've got some new readers! I hope you enjoy it here - and I'm glad to see you!


  • At Friday, December 02, 2005 3:27:00 PM, Blogger Mrs. H

    OK, I have been one of the lurkers, but I did need to let you know that you really aren't alone in this bed leap thing. I did the same thing, and was actually talking about it not that long ago. Your stories (well not the ghost ones) crack me up! Gonna go click on your ad now and keep reading.

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