Remember when you were a kid and it was time to get into bed? I do. I would get my bed all turned down, go to the light switch, turn it off, back up about 5 feet, then take a running leap into my bed... SAFE! Why the running leap, you ask? Well - it's to prevent the monsters that live under your bed from grabbing your ankles and pulling you under of course. What a silly question that was. And getting out of bed was almost the same routine. I would stand up in the middle of my bed, and use it as a springboard to propel myself to the middle of the room. Then I could safely turn on the light and leave the room. I think all of you must have done this at one time or another, right? I know I'm right. I just know it.

So my kid freaked me out the other night. My oldest, Ashton, came strolling into our bedroom night before last at about... oh - I think it was 2 fucking o'clock in the morning. "Mommy... Daddy", she whispered. "Whaaaa?? Did you throw up? Is someone breaking into the house?? Whaaat??!!" (I don't wake up very happily)
"Ethan is stuck underneath his bed again, and he absolutely won't come out. I know he can come out- but he won't and he's crying really loud and I can't sleep" All of that was said in one breath. She's our informer But I was freaked out by the fact that he was under his bed. What the hell is he doing under his bed? I just can't fathom the idea of a 4 year old crawling underneath his bed willingly at 2 o'clock (excuse me... 2 fucking o'clock) in the morning. So my husband & I went to his bedroom, and sure enough - he's under his bed crying. I turned on the light (monsters... heh) and got down on the floor. "Ethan," I said "What in the name of all that's holy are you doing under there?" "I'M STUUUUUUUCK!!!" "I can see that... but what are you doing under there?" "STTTUUUUUUUUUUCCCKK!!!" *sigh* Well - he was 'stuck' because every time he'd try to get out, he'd raise his head up and then he couldn't get out from under the bed. So I shoved my hand under the bed and put it on his head, he's free!! Now maybe I can get an answer from him. "Why were you under the bed?" He looked at me like I was stupid. Maybe I am.. I dunno.. "Because I wanted to get my flashlight" Ooooooooh. I suppose that was supposed to explain it, but I wanted to know more. "Hunny, why do you need your flashlight? It's 2 in the morning, you're supposed to be asleep." Another look... "Becaaaaaause... I need to see inside my closet." OK. I've heard enough. I don't want to know anymore. I'm sick and tired of hearing about things in closets. It can only be no good. So I re-tucked him in, and went back to bed. But I ask you this... what NORMAL kid goes crawling underneath his bed in the middle of the night??!! Freaky.

norman