Thursday, December 01, 2005
You guys RAAWK!!!

Ok... you guys all RAWWWWK, and if you saw this before I've edited the ORIGINAL paragraph... you know why. But I shouldn't even mention it, (by advice) so I'll just tell you guys you all RAAWK!

Well - my running leap post yesterday triggered a memory. I often wonder why my kids are weird, and the answer is really quite simple. I'm weird. I know I am, and if you knew me in real life - you'd agree. (Right Sam I Am?! hey... do you still read me?) ooo... let me digress - When I was in Vegas, I knocked the living crap out of Sam I Am when the roulette wheel landed on '24'. I had stuck 3 chips on 24 and it HIT. I flew off of my stool and literally beat the hell out of him - screaming the entire time. I was so excited, but he was very good natured about it. I guess it's because we were playing with the Son of God....

But anyhoo!!! When I was a kid, I had this wild imagination. In fact - there were these pesky little critters that I dreamed up, which in turned - scared the living shit out of me. Those little critters were called "Clippies".

Clippies are evil little characters. They hid in your bed, under your bed, in the closet, in your dresser drawer... shit - those fuckers hid EVERYWHERE. They also would poison my drinking cup. But I was on to them! I knew (in my 4 year old brain), that I could rinse my cup out a certain number of times, and then the poison would become ineffective. Sometimes I had to rinse my cup 2 times, sometimes 20 times. And rinse it I did. (Compulsive tendencies anyone?)

But the real danger from the Clippies came from........ toe biting. Yes. I said toe biting.

HEY! I was FOUR! Cut me some slack! Yes - Clippies main goal in life was to bite your toe. If they happened to bite your toe - you became one of them. And that would be a very bad thing. Since the rest of my family laughed at me about the Clippies - and obviously didn't believe in them, I lived in constant fear that the Clippies would bite them on the toes and then they'd come after me. There were some nights that I would leap onto my sister's bed and mash her feet to make sure that there were no Clippies in there with her. Of course - then I got into all kinds of shit, because #1... I was out of bed and #2.... mashing her feet usually involved a large book that apparently - hurt her.

I used to try to describe what Clippies looked like to my parents. At one point, they seemed very sincere to try to help me banish them. But I could never describe them adequately to my parents. I was 4 and simply lacked the vocabulary. But I remember. I still to this day remember what they looked like.

In fact, I was watching The Wiggles with my kids last week, and almost crapped my pants. There was one of their stoopid little songs going on and they had these puppets that were sort of modeled to look just like the Wiggly guys. Those puppets looked like the Clippies to a 'T'. How... fucking... bizarre is that? I always knew the Wiggles were evil!! I found a picture of one of the Wiggle things that looks like the Clippies. If the Wiggles would have come out about 30 years ago... I would have been one neurotic mess. Here's the pic:

OK. I just freaked out a little bit again while I posted that. How fucking scary is this to you? This is EXACTLY what a clippie looked like to me.

If you were 4 years old, and this was walking around in your bedroom, trying to WIGGLE it's way into your bed to bite your toe... would you not become a very weird and strange person?

So I have come to the conclusion that it is THE WIGGLES fault that I am the way I am...

Bon Soir!

posted by Norman at 7:09 PM | Permalink |


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