Now are there any good writers out there willing to help a chicky with school?

I mean, usually - I consider myself a decent writer. But hey, look at the activity on this blog lately. Poop and boogies. That's what my life is about lately. I honestly think my English Lit teacher would be livid if I turned in an essay describing how Poop and Boogers are actually SIMILAR. (Which is a theme I have to do for once of the papers I need to turn in on Tuesday).

OK, here's the scoop... by TUESDAY, I must turn in: One Parenthetical Essay, One Research Paper, One journal with jottings of my daily literature readings (HA!), one synopsis of A Mid Summer Night Dream, and prepare for my Final. For Tuesday.

Really. I haven't started on a single frickin' one of them. I'VE BEEN BUSY!! Something about working full time, chasing 3 kids under the age of 8, trying to keep my house clean so the realtor won't stumble into a biohazard... you know - small stuff. I'm afraid I let the homework fall by the wayside. And now I'm screwed.

And Tuesday is the night I go to class. I didn't go the week before, because I had a work function that I had to attend, and I didn't go this LAST week because I was sick.as.a.dog. For Reals.

But this is where my reprieve comes in:

I called a co-worker who just happens to be in the same class with me. I asked him if he could tell me what went on in class on Tuesday. He was disappointed that this was the reason I had called him, because he was hoping to get notes from me since HE didn't go to class either. CRAP! So on to Plan B.

I agreed to call the guy who sits behind me and ask HIM for the assignment. I know this guy happens to be a cop, so I called my other cop-friend at the Po-Po house. He gave me the in-house number for this guy who just happens to work in.... Narcotics. Never being one to pass up an opportunity, I also explained to my cop-friend that I also wanted his home address for a little practical joke I was gonna play. He was all for it, gave me the info, and transferred me to the Narc Unit.

The Narc-ceptionist answered and I asked for the cop by name. He answered the phone, and I put on my best Crack Whore voice.

"Hey man. This here Narcocktics?"

"yeah"

"Well, yo dude, there's this here house that I think is selling the meth. It stink so bad I 'bout choke when I walk outside. An' nuff bout that, but they's kids is running around in the front yard all nekkid askin' people if they wanna buy the meth".

"Yeah? Give me the address and I'll send a unit by"

"Ok... it's XXX Smith Street"

**long pause**
***longer pause***

Now I can hear my other cop-friend in the doorway cracking up!! Oh yeah!! Ways to have fun with the po-leece!

So anyway, once we all settled down ('cuz he really thought I was crack whore after that). I asked him what we covered in class on Tuesday.

Then he was worried because HE didn't go to class on Tuesday, and he had hoped that I was calling to give him the assignment. Nutz.

After that, I made HIM call the teacher since he's like....the class pet. He agreed, and called her only to find out... THAT SHE WASN'T IN CLASS ON TUESDAY!!

So I've been granted a reprieve!!! I need to write a parenthetical essay, a research paper, some journal notes, and read Shakespeare! THEN I gotta study for the final!

Who wants to help!?