Thursday, April 26, 2007
Where does he come up with this stuff?
I took the Ethanator to the hospital today for some pre-surgical blood tests. Being the kind of person that I am...I of course did not tell him that he was going in for BLOOD tests. I simply told him "Lab Work". No problems. He was be-bopping his way into the lab when he noticed the needles.

Lots of them.

Hey - you know how in cartoons all of a sudden you hear the AAAAHHOOOOGAAA horns and the characters eyes pop out of their heads? Yeah. I was reminded of it today.

Anyway - he did what all kids do and attempted to talk his way out of it. "Ummm... I don't think I need any shots today lady, okay? Mommy! Let's go home!"

"No buddy. You have to have a little bit of labwork done. It'll be okay!! I promise!!" "No Mommy PLLLLLLLEAAASE!!!!! IDON'TWANNASHOOOOOOOT!!!!!"

dammit. I hate taking them for shots and bloodwork. It's always heartbreaking. But - thankfully the labwork lady was pretty good and he only shrieked for a little bit.

Then came the big tears. They just rolled down his cheeks while he wailed pitifully. I felt wretched. It was over quickly and the lab tech pulled the needle out of his arm and began to fill the vial. Trying to distract him, I told him to look at what she was doing. "Ethan!! Look!! Look!! See your blood?! Isn't that cool!!"

He glanced over at it. Sniffled a second and burst out in fresh wails. "I wanna take it home with me!! I wanna take it hooooooomeee!!!"

"You want to take it home? Why!? The doctor needs it so he can make sure everything looks good before your surgery!"

"I wanna take it home with me so that I can remember how it was when we were together! I want to remember the good times I had when it was just me and my blood!! WWAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

And I think that is when the lab tech lost it. I was having a hard time trying not to laugh myself. She had to leave the room because he was being dead-serious about "remembering the good times". Honestly. I just put him to bed and he is STILL talking about his blood. I kissed him good night and he said "Mommy. Do you think my blood misses me? Do you think blood has a brain?" " Blood is what helps your brain stay healthy. Blood is food for your brain. It brings oxygen to all your brain cells."

"Oh. Well - do you think my brain misses my blood? I think it does because my brain says that it wants my blood back"

The conversation went on and on, and what we have decided is this: On Monday when he sees the doctor, he is going to ask him for the leftover blood from his labwork so that he can keep it in his room and show his friends. He also wants his tonsils in a cup and everynow and then, he is going to feed his tonsils so that they'll get oxygen and stay healthy.

Me? I plan on having a pre-surgical conference with the doctor and forewarn him that there will be NO LEFTOVER BLOOD given to my child.

oh - and by the way...he also says that Avery kicked him in his TENTACLE. He also says he wishes very much that she never kicked him there ever again.


posted by Norman at 7:20 PM | Permalink |


  • At Thursday, April 26, 2007 9:23:00 PM, Blogger Silliyak

    Pure Gold

  • At Friday, April 27, 2007 4:40:00 AM, Blogger China Doll

    Your kid and my kid should get together, Norm. He sounds hilarious, and they could personify ludicrous things together.

  • At Friday, April 27, 2007 6:04:00 AM, Blogger Lisa


  • At Friday, April 27, 2007 7:36:00 AM, Blogger Gail S

    I was alway scared to death of my child's (potential) behavior when she had blood drawn. Because the people drawing her blood worked for me and by golly, she was NOT going to embarass me! I drilled in her head over and over that she could cry, she could squawk, whatever, but she could never never never move her arm or it was all going to happen again. And she would sit there with tears rolling down her face, pouting at me, but she didn't move that little arm!

    Oh, and just to be mean, I convinced her years ago now that calamari was testicles rather than tentacles. Hah, she still won't eat it.

  • At Friday, April 27, 2007 8:18:00 AM, Anonymous Stacie

    Hehehe, sounds like something Michael would say!

    Oh, and um, hope his tentacle is ok. ;)

  • At Friday, April 27, 2007 11:15:00 AM, Blogger ADW

    That is one of the funniest kid stories I have heard. I was laughing out loud at my desk - this is getting dangerous.

  • At Friday, April 27, 2007 3:57:00 PM, Blogger Leonesse

    Ah, the stories that bind. DH and I still tell stories about when our kids were little. Even though we weren't together then it just helps somehow. Funny how what they say becomes a family saying.

    When my little buddy was 3, we (very temporarily) had a car w/o a/c in Phoenix. I hear from the back seat, in the most pitiful voice, "Mooooooom, my leg piiiiits are sweatyyyyyyyyy"

    It is amazing to me what they make up that makes perfect sense. I have never heard them called "Leg Pits" before, but that is exactly what they are.

  • At Friday, April 27, 2007 7:32:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Silliyak - I agree!!! And you know what? I don't post HALF the stuff he says on here, because then that would qualify this as a mommy blog and I cuss too much to be called a mommy blog...

    China Doll - Wouldn't that cause the universe to implode or something if we teamed our boys up? Seriously... I don't think the world is ready for that kind of destruction!!

    Lisa - Thanks!! LOL!

    Gail S - I don't eat calamari either... BLECH!!

    Stacie - his tentacle is just fine! I e-mailed you!

    ADW - Thanks! I was reading thru some of your posts as well.. Verrree verree funny!

    Leonesse - HA!! We also have THUMB PITS!! did you know that?!

  • At Saturday, April 28, 2007 12:33:00 AM, Blogger Nancy

    That was the funniest thing I've read all week...

    remembering the good times...........

  • At Saturday, April 28, 2007 5:04:00 PM, Blogger Leonesse

    Darned if I don't learn something new sometimes. I usually try to avoid it... makes my head hurt.

    You know, if you blog it, you can print it out, slap a pic of him on it, and VIOLA! you have a scrapbook page! Twofer...

    Hey... that was WAAAAY too much thinking for the day....

  • At Sunday, April 29, 2007 2:00:00 PM, Blogger Freak Magnet

    That is freaking hilarious.

    At least you know he won't be wanting any tattoos any time soon.

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