I took the Ethanator to the hospital today for some pre-surgical blood tests. Being the kind of person that I am...I of course did not tell him that he was going in for BLOOD tests. I simply told him "Lab Work". No problems. He was be-bopping his way into the lab when he noticed the needles.

Lots of them.

Hey - you know how in cartoons all of a sudden you hear the AAAAHHOOOOGAAA horns and the characters eyes pop out of their heads? Yeah. I was reminded of it today.

Anyway - he did what all kids do and attempted to talk his way out of it. "Ummm... I don't think I need any shots today lady, okay? Mommy! Let's go home!"

"No buddy. You have to have a little bit of labwork done. It'll be okay!! I promise!!" "No Mommy PLLLLLLLEAAASE!!!!! IDON'TWANNASHOOOOOOOT!!!!!"

dammit. I hate taking them for shots and bloodwork. It's always heartbreaking. But - thankfully the labwork lady was pretty good and he only shrieked for a little bit.

Then came the big tears. They just rolled down his cheeks while he wailed pitifully. I felt wretched. It was over quickly and the lab tech pulled the needle out of his arm and began to fill the vial. Trying to distract him, I told him to look at what she was doing. "Ethan!! Look!! Look!! See your blood?! Isn't that cool!!"

He glanced over at it. Sniffled a second and burst out in fresh wails. "I wanna take it home with me!! I wanna take it hooooooomeee!!!"

"You want to take it home? Why!? The doctor needs it so he can make sure everything looks good before your surgery!"

"I wanna take it home with me so that I can remember how it was when we were together! I want to remember the good times I had when it was just me and my blood!! WWAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

And I think that is when the lab tech lost it. I was having a hard time trying not to laugh myself. She had to leave the room because he was being dead-serious about "remembering the good times". Honestly. I just put him to bed and he is STILL talking about his blood. I kissed him good night and he said "Mommy. Do you think my blood misses me? Do you think blood has a brain?" "uh...no. Blood is what helps your brain stay healthy. Blood is food for your brain. It brings oxygen to all your brain cells."

"Oh. Well - do you think my brain misses my blood? I think it does because my brain says that it wants my blood back"

The conversation went on and on, and what we have decided is this: On Monday when he sees the doctor, he is going to ask him for the leftover blood from his labwork so that he can keep it in his room and show his friends. He also wants his tonsils in a cup and everynow and then, he is going to feed his tonsils so that they'll get oxygen and stay healthy.

Me? I plan on having a pre-surgical conference with the doctor and forewarn him that there will be NO LEFTOVER BLOOD given to my child.

oh - and by the way...he also says that Avery kicked him in his TENTACLE. He also says he wishes very much that she never kicked him there ever again.

Labels: tentacles and tonsils