Wait... don't answer that.

Sorry I haven't been around. It's pure craziness. Pure-dee cray-ZEE.

Crazy.

First - I'm heartbroken.

Bob Barker is retiring. I just watched the $1,000,000 Spectacular.

Guys - you just HAVE to know that it was one of my life-long dreams to be a participant on The Price is Right. And if I was a participant, I was gonna practically maul Bob Barker in my own enthusiastic form of fan-love. Oh yeah. I had it all planned out. And then 9 years ago - I actually had TICKETS to go to a taping of Price is Right. Of course, something silly called CHILDBIRTH fouled up my plans to be a contestant, and I never did make it to California for a show.

HEY! Did I tell you that Ashy turned NINE on Saturday!? We had a hellacious bowling party of 3rd graders woofing it up at the local alley. I've never had a kids bowling party before, and it was absolutely priceless. I've not laughed so hard in a long time!

But hey - let me tell you why the memory of laughter is so precious to me right now.

We had to drop the price of our house this weekend. We've not lived for a long time here, and so the price drop hurt us. We don't have a lot of equity built up, and the people that are looking are determined to nickel and dime us to death. It doesn't help matters much that my drug-dealing murdering neighbor's fence blew down about 4 months ago and he refuses to fix it. For FOUR MONTHS it's looked like a dad-gummed GHETTO over there. His fence just happened to blow down and reveal his window that's been busted out for 2 years. His sorry attempt at fixing the window involves duct tape, cardboard and Walmart bags. It's truly pathetic. So people come over to look at the house and see the slum that I live next too and decide right then and there that they don't want to live next to that. Quite frankly - I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to live next to him either. Oh wait.... I do. Shit.

Anyway, last weekend, after the party - we decided that we would fix HIS fence which blew down on HIS property. We blatantly trespassed and began digging post holes. Pretty soon he popped out of his house and meandered our way with a beerveza in his hand. He watched us for about 10 minutes...never said and word, then went back inside his house. Nice, eh? I wish I had the cajones to bill em, but the last guy who did that ended up murdered but I decided against it.

Now today, I got home and went to get my mail. I tried to open the mailbox and noticed that the door seemed to be sticking. Being as I was in a hurry, I wasn't my normal observant self. Until the fricking door fell to my feet. That's when I noticed that my entire mailbox housing seemed to be off-kilter.

We've got a brick enclosed mailbox. Meaning it's a normal metal mailbox that has a cute little brick house built around it. It's stupid - but everyone in the entire development HAS to have the brick mailbox (HOA rules), so I've got a mailbox built like a brick shithouse... (hahahahha) until today.

Apparently - someone RAN INTO MY MAILBOX WITH THEIR CAR. The whole damn thing is leaning like the frickin' leaning tower of Pisa and of COURSE there's no note on my door telling me that "Hey - I'm a dumbass and even though your house is in the middle of the block, I took a really really really really WIDE left turn and used your mailbox to stop my car". Nope - no note.

Now - normally I would be madder about this, but I started thinking: "HAHAHAHAHA!!!! You fucked the HELL out of your car and all I gotta do is rebrick my mailbox!!!" The amount of damage to mailbox tells me, (along with the broad stips of burgandy paint on my bricks), tells me that this person has about $2,000 worth of damage to their car.

I think justice has been done.