Thursday, October 13, 2005
Riot Gear Anyone??
I thought the Brain Pattern thingie I did below was interesting because it says that I am a natural influencer. Yeah I am! It brought to mind the two riots in my life that I have instigated. Here's the beach riot.....

Setting: Port Aransas, 1988 Spring Break

Ok. So on Spring Break, it doesn't take much agitating to start a riot. I found this out for myself firsthand. I actually kinda feel bad about this ruckus, because some damage was sustained. (oopsie). But this is what happened.

I don't know if any of the Texans reading this are familiar with Port A, but on our beaches here, in 1988, you could drive your personal vehicle on the beach. Major pollution hazard, but everyone did it. The coast was packed, and everyone was milling about waiting for the beach concert to start. (Joan Jett). My friend Margie (who incidentally is my partner in ALL crimes I've committed)had just finished off the last of the beer. Bummer. We're underage, didn't have a lot of cash on us, and no fake ID's. Margie has battled a weight problem her whole life, but she's probably THE coolest person I know. Margie told me to get some more beer. This involved me trolling up to single guys and asking them for a beer. I would sashay my cute little pre-kid body up & down the beach, toss my waist-length hair, and bat my eyes at them. I generally was able to retrieve a 12-pack. (I worked it!) I had just finished making our improvised "beer run", when one of the guys that I had conned a beer from drove up behind me. I was in the process of giving the can to Margie when the rude asswipe started grousing. "Hey chick - I didn't give a beer to your beached whale buddy there, I gave it to YOU." THAT got my dander up. Don't fuck with my friends man! I approached his car, smiled sweetly and said "Sorry. I misunderstood. Here's your beer back!" and I proceeded to dump it on his head & lap. After this, I've now acquired - a black eye. Prick. Luckily - some blond buff guys saw this, and ran to his car - pulled him out of the window, and dotted his eye. Not to be outdone, I grabbed a handful of sand, and finished the insult to his eyes. I also started screaming at him and setting up all kinds of hell. There's a fight on! Kewl! Now I've got 50 people surrounding me, and I'm yelling about how the bastard has clocked me. I have the shiner to prove it. All the guys in the crowd now converge upon the asshole, and proceeded to start pounding & pushing this guy's car. Next thing I know, his car is flipped upside down, and cops are everywhere! About 15 people were cuffed, and whaddya know, I'm one of them! Margie had vanished, but I knew she was off probably trying to beg bail money for me. Now remember, I've been drinking beer. I .. feel... invincible! I struggled to my feet, and saw that the cops were too busy chasing other rioters to pay much attention to lil' ol me... and I ran. Handcuffed and drunk - I charged thru the dunes, and ran to the nearest bunch of guys that I see. "Hide me!" I gasped, and dove into their truck. So, here's a group of guys that have now acquired a drunk girl in a bikini wearing handcuffs. Apparently - this is a dream some guys have! But it worked. I am now a fugitive on the beach! And guess what! One of them just happened to have... a handcuff key! I'M FREE!! YAAAAAY!!! I enlisted their help to find my friend, and we spent the rest of the day with this very cool group of guys. Left Port Aransas that night, and I've never been back. I'm scared there's a poster out there somewhere saying "Wanted". What's the statute of limitations on escape anyway? I mean - I was never actually read my rights, just cuffed and seated on the ground. I have no pictures of this occurrence, but I do have one very cool souvenir... A set of handcuffs & key, courtesty of the Port Aransas PD.

posted by Norman at 7:24 PM | Permalink |


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