Sunday, September 17, 2006
Teasin' the carnies!! (Drunk blogging post)
GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!!! I'm a dirty ho-bag!!!!!


Why don't carnies have teeth? Is that a job requirement? I mean - if I were to run away and join the travelin' carnival - would I have to take out a couple of my teeth with a ball peen hammer and somehow try to age my skin to resemble gnarled old tough leather??? Where do they find these people!! At any rate - all these people are EXTREMELY talented. They have this ability to separate me from my money. Or rather, they are able to charm my children into thinking that JUST ONE MORE TOSS OF A WIFFLE BALL will guarantee them taking home a ginormous stuffed animal that will never ever in a million years fit in the trunk of our car. 'Course - that one toss of the wiffle ball costs $650.33 dollars. (well -really, just $5.00 ... but I'm just sayin'!)

But actually - my two older children were scammed by the "basketball toss" game. All you gotta do is shoot a ball into the basket right??? How hard can THAT be? Then they hand you playground balls, as opposed to genuine basketballs, and the children watch with dismay as the balls ricochet merrily off the hoops and careen off into the crowds. However, this little particular carnie drew us in with the promise of "THREE SHOTS FOR FIVE BUCKS!!" and my two little suckers were reeled in, along with the hooks and sinkers. Cause - damn.... they got a basketball hoop in the backyard and THEY COULD DO THIS!! (that was their plea to me so I would fork over the money...except they didn't say "damn" 'cause you know... they're kids and all). Anyway - the carnie man decided that he would further sweeten the pot and tell us that no matter if we made a basket or not - he would give us ONE toy. Well... the hook was now set. Ethan took one shot - Ashton took two. Since she was last up - Ashton decided she would pick out the toy. Ethan - however, did not understand that ASHTON took the ONE toy, and not him. He began to dissolve into the teary heartbreak that only a four year old can do . I leaned over him at about the same time the carnie dude tried to explain that he could only charity out one toy per shill. Only - I leaned over first, and my shirt gaped open.

I heard the carnie say this: "Hey little guy... I'm sorry I couldn't give you a tooooooy..........I....can........only.............give.... ..... you....... " I glanced at him to find out why he was talking in slo-mo and happened to catch his eyes riveted on MY BOOBS!!!!! So I jerked to an upright position, and he continued on in now fast-motion while he grinned at me "onetoykidMaybeyourmomwantstogivemeanotherfivedollarstoletyoutryagain". And that's when my husband leaned in and called me a dirty ho-bag for teasing the carnie.

And that nasty man kept GRINNING at me like he thought I did it on PURPOSE!! And do you know what the toy was???? It was some stupid little beanbag animal that's about the size of a quarter!! I paid FIVE DOLLARS for that!! And I whored out my tits at the same time!!! ....

And that's why my hubby called me a dirty ho-bag - but he was laughing anyway and said it made his night to watch the carnie want what he's got. Yeah. Like I'm some kind of prize or something.

Shouldn't tease the carnies.

>>> I'll have ya'll know that the above post is what I like to call a bit of DRUNK BLOGGING. See, I was so distressed last night when I showed off my goodies that I had to have a margarita when I got home, and well - the post above is the result of that. Yes -- I know that I'm interrupting the weekend poll (again), but it's MY blog so: NEENER NEENER NEENER!! Besides - it looks like Vanilla Ice is running away with all the votes, and all I gotta say about that is THANK GOD!!! It was my own stupid fault for digging up K-Fed and I can't BELIEVE he's been on my poll twice now. OK. If you haven't voted yet - the poll is still going until I officially close it, which will be sometime tomorrow. So GO GUYS!!! Vote! <<<<<
posted by Norman at 9:25 AM | Permalink |


  • At Sunday, September 17, 2006 9:59:00 AM, Blogger ladydyani



    Sorry you flashed your goodies. I'll bet the carnie appriciates it.

  • At Sunday, September 17, 2006 11:05:00 AM, Blogger Dari

    the best blog in the world, please always blog while you are like this ......loooooooooooooool

  • At Sunday, September 17, 2006 5:21:00 PM, Blogger Freak Magnet

    How dare you show your goodies to some dirty carnie before you've shown them to me!!

  • At Sunday, September 17, 2006 9:09:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Ladydyani - He better appreciate it!!! I don't show them to just ANYBODY!!

    Dari - NO!!! Because my head always hurts the next day!!

    Freak Magnet - Oh get yer panties outta that wad. He just looked, you got to actually TOUCH my thigh!!

  • At Monday, September 18, 2006 6:10:00 AM, Blogger A taste that's bitter


    The only thing scarier to me in this life than a a carnie.

    Oh the teeth...

  • At Monday, September 18, 2006 7:13:00 AM, Blogger Lisa

    i just love reading your blog... found it a couple weeks ago and have been reading every day since.

    a little funny for you on the "basketball toss"... like you, i hate wasting money on these games fully knowing they are rigged and the chances of winning are less than finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, but... last month the "ex" took the boy (age 6) to a carnival and shelled out the 5 bucks for him to shoot. he made 2 out of 3 shots and won a prize. he continued to shell out more and when all was said and done, the boy had made 23 of 40 shots, had the carnie in jaw gaping awe (as well as the other carnies working around this particular booth), and came home with 2 regulation basketballs, an exercise ball, and 3 stuffed animals. LOL i've been waiting for the recruiting call ever since.

  • At Monday, September 18, 2006 9:12:00 AM, Anonymous Christine

    If you had let him fondle them a bit, he may have given the kids each one of those massive stuffed dogs.
    Don't be so selfish last time.

    Just sayin.....

  • At Monday, September 18, 2006 12:01:00 PM, Blogger mckay

    this is the begining of a great slasher movie.

    ...better lock your doors!

    p.s. in my screenplay, the ghost whips the carnie's butt.

  • At Monday, September 18, 2006 3:26:00 PM, Anonymous ace

    It always makes my day when that happens to me (seeing somebody's goodies, not showing mine).

    And drunken blogging is fun. Mostly.

  • At Monday, September 18, 2006 3:51:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    A taste that's bitter - EXACTLY... the TEETH!! That and they look like they never shower.

    Lisa - Thanks!! And that's amazing about your little boy! 23 out of 40 shots? Holy Crap!! I bet the CARNIES can't even do that!

    Christine - is this the 100 reasons why i hate my husband Christine? If so - why'd you DELETE your blog!? You could've just left it up for posterity!! But the fondling comment? **cringing**. Great. Now my boobs have just crawled up into my chest cavity at the THOUGHT of that!!

    McKay - OOOO!!! I'll sell that idea to Aric Blue!

    Ace - Drunken blogging hurts my head the next day!

  • At Saturday, October 14, 2006 10:49:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    I know ignorance runs rapid in our country. But I have to laugh at Norman...... For judging Carnies
    Norman you don't have a clue!!!

  • At Saturday, October 14, 2006 1:37:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Anon - Are you a carnie??!!! LOL!!

    I'm sure i AM clueless...nary a doubt in my mind!!!!!

    Thx for visiting.

    (oh...and it's RAMPANT. ignorance runs RAMPANT not rapid!!! BWWWAAHAHAHAHAA!!!!)

  • At Wednesday, May 02, 2007 9:25:00 PM, Blogger Who Cares?

    I have all my teeth, and I shower, and i've been laid by a lot of locals over the years so I can't be too bad.

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