My husband was home this weekend. I was SOOOOO happy to see him! I love it on the weekends when he's here because then I can just sit around and drink coffee, and let him battle the kids. It's FUN!
Then this weekend, instead of sitting around, I decided to do our taxes. I LOOOOVE DOING TAXES!! Maybe that's because we have kids, and we get these AWESOME refunds! We're due another big refund this year. Last year we went to DisneyWorld with our refund.
THIS YEAR WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS BAYBEEE!!! Oh yeah... April 11th!!! I will be traipsing the strip and hitting every.single.roulette table I can find! YEEESSSS!!! My husband has a work conference there. Some techno-geek meeting. So my sister and I are tagging along (my brother in law hired my husband). That means, that since it's for work - the hotel room will be paid for. HIS airline ticket .... will be paid - and all I've got to do is dig up enough money to get myself there!! TAX REFUND!! WOOOHOOO!!! And all my Pampered Chef commission checks??? PLAY MONEY!! Oh. our Tax refund money is going to finish off the payments on our new carpets, and allow us to put hardwood floors in the back room. See? I'm responsible....
But anyway - I was doing our taxes on TurboTax online, and decided to take a break by checking my blog. I clicked the down arrow on the address bar and DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW?? DO YOU KNOW? Apparently, my husband has been visiting sites like:
www.boobs.com
or...
www.boobies.com
You can click on those. But I don't suggest it, because it keeps popping up windows and NEVER LETS YOU LEAVE.
So I asked him about it. He went "Huh?" With this confused look on his face. I told him to cut out the innocent act... ETHAN certainly didn't type those addresses in. So then he started giggling and said "I was just looking". Yeah well. At first I was miffed. Then I laughed about it, then I got miffed again... and now I just feel inadequate. You see - 2 years ago, I had a biopsy done when I was pregnant with Avery. They had to knock me out to do it so that it wouldn't trigger labor, and now I have this NASTY scar on my boob. These boobs on here aren't scarred. What a jerk. See? I'm getting miffed again. Peckerhead.
But oh well. I suppose he was beating off or something. I guess that's better than finding a prostitute down in San Antonio. (And safer too).
By the way... Ethan asked me today if his "tee-tee" had a brain. I said, "Well, noooooooo. Why do you ask?" And you gotta know that I'm really really trying to keep a straight face. "Because then what's those dangly things with the circles in them?" (That was HIS question). "Oh! Those!! Well sweetie, those are your testicles. That's how God made you." (please stop asking please stop asking please please please please --Prayer not answered.) "But WHY do I need testicles?" "Because you need those so that you and God can help you make babies later on. MUCH LATER ON."
"Oh. Can we watch my Thomas Video when we get home?".
end of conversation.
From: Texas, United States
About me: I'm a mom of 3 children, ages 10, 7 and 4 years. Want to know why I'm Norman? CLICK HERE!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
i feel so...so...so....inadequate
posted by Norman at 6:34 PM
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6 Comments:
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At Monday, February 12, 2007 2:51:00 AM,
Hey Norm,
Like you I too have a scar on my boob! and not that small and definitely not pretty. What I've found (since I'm not married) is that as long as I'm not self-conscious about it, men don't even notice it!! I think it could just be the excitement of having real live bare boobies in front of them. Men.
But seriously, you shouldn't feel inadequate in any way. He could just be interested in the different kinds of boobies out there, and at the end of the day, I'm sure he'd much prefer yours over internet boobies any day.
btw - this is "Concerned Human", but I will now go by "Bored in Singapore" (BnS). -
At Monday, February 12, 2007 6:00:00 AM,
MeWell, I can tell you the 'boobs' google search done in our house was by the (at the time) 13 year old who lives here. ;) And I also freely admit that ANY form of porn surfing by the Coffeehusband would unacceptable in our house. Lucky for me he feels that way too so we are on the same page. LOL.
I'm thinking if I were you, just because I like to be creative, I think I'd get a nice boob shot, and photoshop my picture on it. :) Maybe give it to him for Valentines as a tongue-in-cheek 'double header' joke about him doing the search, you having a scar that you are self conscious of and the fact that ALL THOSE PHOTOS ARE AIR BRUSHED and 99.9% of them are going to be 'fake' boobs anyway. LOL. -
At Monday, February 12, 2007 10:22:00 AM,
SilliyakSorry for your hubbies insensitivity. Although he probably needs to be on probation for awhile (to assure this isn't some deeper sick porn thing) it's not a refelction on you and should probably lead to MAKEUP SEX! Maybe some of your Pheromones(sp?)flipped the Big Head/Little Head thinking switch. With "V" day approaching, let him know there are numerous redemption opportunities approaching.
Oh, and scars are nothing, maybe even a turn on for some. If it bothers you, maybe a tattoo over it? -
At Monday, February 12, 2007 7:24:00 PM,
Wide LawnsNorman you need the help of an expert, which I happen to be on the subject of porn - but wait, not in the way you think! As I recall from my days as hostess of the Bubblegum Kittikat, all the strippers had fake boobs. Most of them also made side money taking trashy nekkid pictures for web sites like boobies.com, etc. Living in South Florida and having worked in such an establishment, I have seen my fair share of mangled up fake titties. They aren't pretty. Those girls have horrible scarred up breasts, way worse than a biopsy. They are disgusting. I mean, you had a tiny slice cut out. They had their entire nipples removed and sewn back on and the doctors usually are in a hurry to get done with these sluts to go to lunch so they sew them on crooked and upside down and every other kind of mess. Its awful. Your natural boobs beat those nasty implant, silicone balls any day. I promise.
I want to see your hair though.
Oh Norman, that stuff about your hubby makes me SO MAD. You are an amazing, smart, and hilarious woman who is attractive in a thousand different ways (obviously, becuase he married you!), including your boobs, and one scar can't change that. I'm sorry you had to be hurt by his behaviour.
As for your son, I guess this isn't the right age to explain to him that unfortunately, his tee-tee DOES have a brain that will end up running his entire body one day (case study: Daddy). . .