Saturday, February 03, 2007
A real life WHODUNIT?!
I brought my lunch to work the other day, and stuck it in the fridge. It was some GOOOOOOOD stuff! Yummy Stuff I tell ya! I know because I COOKED IT! It was a spicy baked spaghetti with oodles of cheese on top (mozerella), and a nice crumby little topping. I made the crumby little topping by sautee-ing some bread crumbs in garlic butter (real garlic), with a smidge of italian seasoning. The sauce was nice and spicy, and the pasta was actually a cracked pepper fettucini. And homemade meatballs. I make my meatballs with fresh parsley and italian seasoning. I love italian seasoning. So I was really looking forward to having leftover baked spaghetti, because everyone knows spaghetti is better the second day.

I got my lunch out of the fridge, opened it up to put it in the nuker... when I noticed it. SOMEBODY had gotten to my spaghetti before me. THEY ATE ALL THE MEATBALLS OUT OF MY SPAGHETTI AND PUT THE REST BACK!

The hell? Why would you do such a thing? That was MY LUNCH. I didn't even label it, but hell.... YOU KNOW what you did and didn't bring for lunch, so why do you eat someone else's food? How do they know that I didn't pick my nose or something while I was shaping the meatballs? How do they know that I didn't change a diaper and forget to wash my hands?? How do they know who even made it? It could have been Assblaster's lunch for all they knew!! And we've all heard about the results of HER cooking. So we're either dealing with a very brave or very stupid fucker.

And my boss made me take the sign I put on the fridge down. It said "How were the meatballs FUCKER?" No really. I didn't say that. What it actually said was "YOU OWE ME FOR THE MEATBALLS. PAY NORMAN NOW." She made me take that down! saaaay.....maybe it was HER!

hmmph. Pissed me right off.

Then I turned around and got all pissed off again today. We have a box that we throw all the junk mail in. It's a good sized box, 'cuz we're lazy and don't feel like messing with it all the time, but it was full. So I was going to tape it up and throw it away, but I decided to go through it make sure there weren't any tax documents in there. Then I noticed that the majority of mailings were pre-approved credit card offers, and a lot of the "junk mail" had CHECKS in them. BLANK CHECKS sent out by our ACTUAL credit card company. SHIT. So now I had to shred all that junk. Those checks, by the way, were NOT sent with the statements. They were sent in envelopes marked "A Special Offer!! Just for YOU" Junk mail lookin', so it goes in the junk box.

I had to shred that entire box of mail. My shredder overheated. And I was cursing all the credit card companies. Companies like Citibank and Capital One. And Discover. Are they TRYING to help me get my identity stolen? Exactly how many credit cards do they really want me to have? So I've come to the conclusion that I will SUE the credit card companies when my identity gets stolen. I'm going to get some slick desperate attorney to set up a class action lawsuit and go after all these companies that see fit to send me pre-approvals and blank checks in the mail. Really. They've annoyed me too much. They need to cease and desist with the junk mail.


p.s. have you pre-ordered your Harry Potter book yet? I did!! Cause I'm a geek and all that...
posted by Norman at 7:23 PM | Permalink |


  • At Saturday, February 03, 2007 8:11:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    And that very thing DID happen to our son. When moved to another state, we were getting ccard offers for both our adult children. We just ripped them up and threw them away. One day dh discovered those checks were sent in our sons name. Someone in this state got ahold of one of those and opened an account in his name. There is no way they knew ANY info about him and he even had a card in his state from the SAME company.

    We get 4-5 Cap*tal One flyers EVERY DAY. This is absolutely crazy. Make it stop Norman... make it stop.

  • At Saturday, February 03, 2007 8:23:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Oh, and we had a real problem with people eating lunches when I worked at a bank. I was absolutely aghast. Who KNOWS what kind of kitchen that came from? Who knows how long it had sat in someone's car before hitting the fridge? I mean COME ON!!! That is JUST GROSS!!! I am picky as it is and when you add in my slight germophobia, it almost turns my stomach.

    The signs didn't help either.

    (the one above was me too, but I cannot remember my blogger stuff)

  • At Saturday, February 03, 2007 8:29:00 PM, Blogger Silliyak

    When I worked in a fire station we had a couple tricks. Tuna fish made with cat food, brownies made with cut up sponges,and various recipes made with chocolate Ex Lax.

  • At Saturday, February 03, 2007 9:07:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Leonesse - YOU SEE?? YOU SEEEE??? It CAN happen, and when I called capital one to make them stop, i TOLD them I was gonna sue, and they told me that they take PRECAUTIONS that this WON'T happen. I'm serious....if my identity EVER gets stolen, I will do this.

    Silliyak - ahhhh. but see - I have to use the same bathrooms as these people so this wouldn't be an idea for me.. Blast. But you know, I also don't want to do this because I sell Pampered Chef, and if this person actually KNOWS who's food he/she ate... man. My little side business would take a tumble....

  • At Sunday, February 04, 2007 9:37:00 AM, Blogger Teri

    I think the same lunch eater works at my job as well. Weird.

    I didn't order Harry yet. Figured I would finish moving before I could change the address and then order. I'm a geek also. I gotta know what happens after reading all those other books.

  • At Sunday, February 04, 2007 9:38:00 AM, Blogger Teri

    oh, and your boss should have left the sign up, it's only fair.

  • At Sunday, February 04, 2007 9:39:00 AM, Blogger Gail S

    We went for a while at work where all or part of someone's food would be missing on a regular basis. After our housekeeper got transferred to another department it stopped, so we blamed her. Several times we discussed the complete weirdness of eating something that you have NO IDEA where it came from or who made it and with what. I'm really sad that food you took such pains with was ruined. All I ever take is frozen meals and such. But then, I don't really cook.

    And I thought about pre-ordering the Harry Potter book because I got a couple of e-mails offering just that. But wasn't the date sometime in July? I just can't think that far ahead. I have trouble waiting two to five days for things I've ordered to arrive. Must have instant gratification of all wants!!!!

  • At Sunday, February 04, 2007 1:56:00 PM, Blogger coffeypot

    A friend of mine takes all the junk mail and puts back in a return envelope and sends it back to the people who sent it. Most of the time they have a self-addressed stamped envelop enclosed.

    I can’t wait for HP to come out, but I won’t order it, yet. Or maybe I will. Or maybe not. I don’t know.

  • At Sunday, February 04, 2007 4:45:00 PM, Blogger aka_Meritt

    My condolences on the lost lunch... my husband had that happen once (twice?) years ago when we were uber poor and he was working a hellacious job that was 12 hour days of hard labor. He looked sooo forward to his cheap little lunch in a plastic grocery bag brought from home...

    and to find it GONE was just such a disappointment! We've never forgotten nor forgiven! LOL.

  • At Sunday, February 04, 2007 5:25:00 PM, Blogger mckay

    this is why i carry my lunch in my very own insulated bag w/ a blue ice packet.

  • At Sunday, February 04, 2007 5:50:00 PM, Blogger Tammy

    I hate people. Why would someone do that?

  • At Sunday, February 04, 2007 10:52:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Norman - I feel for you over those meatballs girlie....the pain. But I agree the way to stop it is put in a laxative....and A LOT of laxative...not all of them taste like can get powdered kinds that don't taste like anything and would mix in well with your yummy seasonings. And your boss WAS WRONG to make you take the sign down.

    Who would eat your stuff? That is just wrong...on SO many levels!

    Kudos to you...good luck [and I would do the laxative thing -or fiber - Fiber would be funny too! Because the person out of the office in the men's room for the afternoon is the loser who did it!]

  • At Monday, February 05, 2007 10:16:00 AM, Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker

    Ok Norman, this is how you know. The person who ate your meatballs is gonna get that stomach virus in a couple days. That's how its spread - by eating food from houses where people have been ill! That will be their punishment. I cant imagine doing that. That's crazy. Who goes and picks all the meatballs out of someone's lunch without asking??? The nerve. Now they're going to shart themselves (btw - they said shart on SNL this weekend and I thought of you).

  • At Monday, February 05, 2007 12:45:00 PM, Blogger TBG

    I could never imagine eating someone else's lunch! HOW FUCKING RUDE!

  • At Wednesday, February 07, 2007 12:24:00 AM, Blogger Spicy Cracker

    I've had my lunch stolen, the bag stolen left the lunch the contaners taken. My bottles of water that my name on them and the caps cracked opened me taking a drink out of them with bright red lipstick stolen as well. That last thing was what pushed me over the edge. So one day my friend told me to put Visine in all my water bottles and not to drink any of it. Well do you know that after about 3 days it never happend again. heh. I do not miss working at a call center for any means.

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