Monday, August 20, 2007
Norman revealed!
Oh put your panties back on. I'm not really revealed...I'm just going to give you a little background on myself that most of you are not privy to!

Ya ready?!

We all know that I've moved. I quit a job, moved towns, and started a new job blah blah blahbbity blah yadda yadda yadda. I've whined enough about that - you know the story...

But PART of the story as to why I've remained anonymous in here is for two reasons. The first is to protect my kiddos. I've posted enough about them and there are some real sickos out there that I really don't want to post too much info about myself as to become easily identifiable. The second part is because of my former job. It was essential that I not reveal too much about where I worked or what I did because it was a smaller town where I was and I didn't want people pissed off about me when I made fun of them (i.e. The Assblaster)

But - a couple of people that I worked with have stumbled across this blog (Hi Anonymous Farm Wife!) and while I'm sure that they'll protect me and my identity, I'm ready to share a little bit more about what I did....mainly so you can appreciate the huge difference of what I did then to what I do now.

I used to work at a "bomb factory", as Anonymous Farm Wife so fondly put it. It was probably the most interesting and important job that I've ever done - or will ever do. While I didn't actually build bombs, I got to hang out around them (only when i had a need to though!). Pretty interesting stuff I'll tell you. But my function at the ol' bomb factory was fun. I got to work in the intelligence field. And that was where some of my anxieties would fire up. I loved this blog because after seeing some of the info that would rattle through the networks over there, this was a great place to unwind and act stupid and ridiculous and just blow off steam. Believe it or not - beneath my dumbass exterior, I do have a brain, and I must say I did a great job for my employer and the folks up at headquarters as well. I got to meet a former kgb agent, and visited with some higher muckity mucks, all in the name of national security. I'll always remember my time there! Fun stuff, but nerve wracking.

And then, my husband got the job offer here in San Antonio. The offer was enough that it was questionable as to whether I would even need a job or not. However, once we got into the benefits aspect, we decided that I should get a job....just for medical benefits. Which is what I did. But I was ready for a change. Really. Seeing some of the stuff that's happening out there is frightening, and I wanted a change. So now I'm working a behind the scenes job in a HUGE company with lots of people... and I'm having the time of my life!

I think.

Let's see. Instead of counterintelligence awareness campaigns, I now answer phones and pay insurance claims for a living. And I'm sitting in a call center with earphones and a little microphone dilly thing on my head. Awesome!! And last Friday - some guy threatened to sue me, just because I answered the phone! I've never had a complete stranger yell at me on the phone before, and I must say I was pretty good about not taking it personally. In fact, when he told me he was going to sue me, I spelt my name for him so he would get it right on the lawsuit papers.

Now, since I'm new and technically still in training, me and the little group of people that started with me having roving helpers that walk around and come to us when we need help. Hearing this irate man on the phone triggered me to pop out of my chair like a jack in the box and wave my hands around to get their attention. The whole time I was trying to placate the jerk on the other end of the phone. Seeing my distress signal, the helper (who just happens to be my instructor) came to my phone, and plugged in his headset to mine. This enables him to hear the conversation, but not talk to the person on the other end. HOWEVER - he can give me prompts as to the correct things to say. He plugged in when the man threatened to sue me for the third time. Hearing the threat, my instructor nudged me, and I turned around, expecting to have a notepad full of useful advice. What I got was a grown man making moose antlers on his head, crossing his eyes, and sticking his tongue out at me. Niiiiiiiiice.

"Hey! Didja hear me!!?? I want my goddamned claim paid, and I want my check NOW! I've told you once, and I'll tell you again! I'm going to sue you, your company and anyone else who's had contact with this claim!!!!!!!"

BONUS!! He just moved on from me and the company to "anyone else who's had contact with the claim".

I smiled sweetly at my instructor as I offered his name to the jerk on the other end of the phone. And watched as the moose antlers slowly deflated and my instructors jaw went slack. Now I was making the moose antlers and crossing my eyes. This job is sooooo much freaking fun. I had no clue !!

And then today, while I was trying to convince a customer about the benefits of our website and all the things he could find online - he interrupted me and asked me if he could "get some nookie on the site". Then this man--- who happens to be in his mid-30's, broke out in a surfer laugh..that's the only way I can describe it... and repeated his question to me while I tried to answer it in the most professional manner possible. I think I failed miserably. I just couldn't HELP myself! Besides, if someone is going to call in with statements like that, they deserve the responses I'll give them.

Let's just say that I was removed from the phones shortly after that phone call.

I sure hope I get to keep my job there.
posted by Norman at 8:13 PM | Permalink |


  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:55:00 AM, Blogger tazzie

    Years, and years ago I worked in the Overseas depeartment at Geico. I'd be the only one in the office overnight to answer the phones. The phone calls can get quite weird!! These were mainly military/government guys who were lonely and just wanted someone "back home" to talk to. It got so bad with one guy, though, that he called everynight and tried to talk for hours to me about anything and everything. And then he proposed!!! Sight unseen!!! LOL. (thankfully I was already engaged at that time, even thought it was extremely difficult to explain that to the gentleman caller!!!) Some of my best memmories from work are when I got to be on the phones with crazy peoples! You need to let them put you back on the phones. They're fun!!

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:55:00 AM, Blogger Linda and Denny

    "get some nookie"? I would have played dumb, making him explain that, all the way to the point that he either got tired of it or exasperated by my "stupidity". It's amazing what people will say on the phone because they are anonymous to the person on the other end.

    I did like your turn-around on your trainer. Nicely done.

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 6:41:00 AM, Blogger Lisa

    Moose antlers. Bwaahaahaahaaha!!

    Nice to hear you're not only running around town reeking havoc, you're now getting paid to do it too. ;)

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 8:24:00 AM, Blogger coffeypot

    I would have told him in the most professional voice I could muster, “Mr. Asswipe, I am a former employee of The Bomb Factory and I have contacts all over the world dealing in counterintelligence, and if you continue to threaten to sue me, I will, with just a phone call, have you and your house blown the fuck up. Have a nice day.” Click.

    Think he could take a joke?

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 12:00:00 PM, Blogger Freak Magnet

    Somehow I think you'd love any job you could ever have. I think the fun starts with YOU.

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 2:53:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    San Antonio....BIG Company.....Insurance....

    By any chance does this company specialize in serving a very specific section of the population?

    Wonder if I'll ever get to talk to you when I call my insurance company?

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:07:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Tazzie - GEICO! LOVE the lizard!! lol!. I think I'm loving the phone work. I only hung up on three people today

    Linda - Thankfully my trainer has a great sense of humer and told everyone about how I dragged him into a multi-million dollar lawsuit...

    Lisa - I know!! However - I'm not getting paid too much, so I need to delegate the amount of fun I spread around. Can't go letting people getting something for nothing now, can i?

    Coffeypot - ABSOLUTELY! roflmao! OK - your comment just made me pee my pants.

    FM - apparently, some people do NOT feel as if the fun starts with me. Just ask my fourth phone call of the day today!

    Anon - ut oh. methinks you are on to me and my employer.... tell ya what. The only way you'll know if you got ahold of me is if you call the rep that answers the phone "norman". The hysterical laughter that should occur if you actually REACH me would be your confirmation! and if you DO reach me, be kind and remember that I'M STILL IN TRAINING!


  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:25:00 PM, Blogger coffeypot

    Okay, I admit I'm not as cool sophisticated as you think I am when you read my comments and postings, but what does “roflmao” mean? Do I need to be offended, or should I go bragging to everyone? Or, being from Texas, is it Spanish for how great I am? What?

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:26:00 PM, Blogger coffeypot

    Oh yeah! I'm sorry you peed your pants. Send them to me and I will have them cleaned.

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 4:09:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    BWWWWAAAHAHHAAAAA!!! (that means I'm laughing really hard now) ;)

    roflmao is internet-speak for "rolling on floor laughing my ass off". it's an acronym!

    or you can tell everyone that it's spanish for "I've got a big shlong"

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 5:35:00 PM, Blogger coffeypot

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 5:37:00 PM, Blogger coffeypot

    Thanks for the clarification. I just hope you were not roflmao’en while you were peeing your pants. That could be kind of messy and I would have to clean more than you pants. And I did make John Wad Holms cry. (In my dreams.)

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 5:47:00 PM, Blogger coffeypot

    Speaking of “shlongs”, stop by my pad and see what mine got me into. Me, such an innocent boy.

  • At Tuesday, August 21, 2007 7:59:00 PM, Blogger Anonymous Farm Wife

    Did you know the taco bell dog was roflmao-ing when he said, "heeeere leezurd, leezurd!"

    And if you know who I am, does that mean I'm not anonymous?

    Does your cubicle contain you? or is it bursting at the seams?

  • At Thursday, August 23, 2007 7:01:00 PM, Blogger mckay

    wow. i think we work for the same company. seriously.

  • At Thursday, August 23, 2007 8:29:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    mckay - easy way to find out!!! did you guys have a big ol' employee meeting today at 10am central time? if so -then YEP. We work at the same place! However - I'm pretty sure I'm going to be fired within a month's time judging by my activities on the damn phone today..


  • At Friday, August 24, 2007 7:48:00 PM, Blogger mckay

    i'm not on the business side, as we say in my division. and i'm in CA, so i wasn't a part of any big meeting. if you received an email from our new dir of info security today, then yep we're co worker buddies....or as i like to say...corporate slaves

    now what mischief did you get into today??!

Get awesome blog templates like this one from