That's me. Buttcheek white, chicken leg white, glow-in-the-dark white, casper the friendly ghost white... you say it - I've been called it.

But not today!! Today I'm a marvelous bronzed goddess!! Yesterday I glowed white, today I glow BRONZE! Ahhhh... I love the miracle of the Mystic Tan!

My husband & I did last minute shopping today. I was running low on shorts (that fit) and I needed some tops, since I normally drape myself in fabric to avoid sunlight. I avoid sunlight because typically, when I do expose my gluestick colored legs, people think it's their right to tell me how white I am. Yeah. Thanks. Like I didn't know. I wonder if they'd get mad or feel self-conscious if I pointed out how fat they are? Or how ugly they are... something to do with their physical appearance to make them think less of themselves.

So I got a double whammy today. Extreme white skin, AND discovering that the summer clothing line is specifically designed to clothe women who are size 2. I really am not a fat person, but I'm not small either. I do have big arms. They are definitely NOT in proportion with the rest of my body (well, neither is my ass - but I'll not go there) I always wear tops with sleeves to minimize the appearance of my upper arms. But the summer line in every fricking place I looked had nothing but spaghetti straps or sleeveless shirts. I tried on one outfit and I swear to God, I looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy's wife. So there I was, standing in the huge 3 fold mirror that accentuates your every flaw, and I almost started to cry. I hate being fluffy. I used to be a size 2, but that was 3 kids ago. My husband noticed the look on my face, and suggested I could remedy ONE of my problems by doing the tanning booth.

I took off like a rocket and bought a two-fer special. I got me a sprayed on tan and I feel 50% better! Tomorrow I get blasted again, and I should be hearing NO COMMENTS about the whiteness of my skin.

I also re-tried on the two little string sleeved tops that my husband convinced me to buy, and it looks somewhat better now that my whiteness has been tamed. Aaaaand.... I bought a bathing suit. I've not set foot in one of them since I had Ethan so it was a bit of a shock, but oh well... I'll wear a t-shirt.

Oh - by the way, I am buttcheek white not by choice. I am buttcheek white because I'm one of those people who never tan. I'll BURN, then peel, the peel again, then freckle up. I used to try to burn myself in the hopes that the freckles would eventually merge and I would have a permanent tan, but it never happened, and all it's done is result in my having tons of pre-cancerous spots. I've been advised by a dermatologist to avoid all sunlight. My father is on his 20th procedure to remove skin cancer on his face... and has even had part of his ear removed. I think I'll just avoid the sun...

Hey - just think! When I get my picture taken with my favorite Disney Character (Donald Duck), I won't blend in with him anymore!

Norman - the bronzed one.