Saturday, June 03, 2006
That's me. Buttcheek white, chicken leg white, glow-in-the-dark white, casper the friendly ghost white... you say it - I've been called it.

But not today!! Today I'm a marvelous bronzed goddess!! Yesterday I glowed white, today I glow BRONZE! Ahhhh... I love the miracle of the Mystic Tan!

My husband & I did last minute shopping today. I was running low on shorts (that fit) and I needed some tops, since I normally drape myself in fabric to avoid sunlight. I avoid sunlight because typically, when I do expose my gluestick colored legs, people think it's their right to tell me how white I am. Yeah. Thanks. Like I didn't know. I wonder if they'd get mad or feel self-conscious if I pointed out how fat they are? Or how ugly they are... something to do with their physical appearance to make them think less of themselves.

So I got a double whammy today. Extreme white skin, AND discovering that the summer clothing line is specifically designed to clothe women who are size 2. I really am not a fat person, but I'm not small either. I do have big arms. They are definitely NOT in proportion with the rest of my body (well, neither is my ass - but I'll not go there) I always wear tops with sleeves to minimize the appearance of my upper arms. But the summer line in every fricking place I looked had nothing but spaghetti straps or sleeveless shirts. I tried on one outfit and I swear to God, I looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy's wife. So there I was, standing in the huge 3 fold mirror that accentuates your every flaw, and I almost started to cry. I hate being fluffy. I used to be a size 2, but that was 3 kids ago. My husband noticed the look on my face, and suggested I could remedy ONE of my problems by doing the tanning booth.

I took off like a rocket and bought a two-fer special. I got me a sprayed on tan and I feel 50% better! Tomorrow I get blasted again, and I should be hearing NO COMMENTS about the whiteness of my skin.

I also re-tried on the two little string sleeved tops that my husband convinced me to buy, and it looks somewhat better now that my whiteness has been tamed. Aaaaand.... I bought a bathing suit. I've not set foot in one of them since I had Ethan so it was a bit of a shock, but oh well... I'll wear a t-shirt.

Oh - by the way, I am buttcheek white not by choice. I am buttcheek white because I'm one of those people who never tan. I'll BURN, then peel, the peel again, then freckle up. I used to try to burn myself in the hopes that the freckles would eventually merge and I would have a permanent tan, but it never happened, and all it's done is result in my having tons of pre-cancerous spots. I've been advised by a dermatologist to avoid all sunlight. My father is on his 20th procedure to remove skin cancer on his face... and has even had part of his ear removed. I think I'll just avoid the sun...

Hey - just think! When I get my picture taken with my favorite Disney Character (Donald Duck), I won't blend in with him anymore!

Norman - the bronzed one.
posted by Norman at 7:23 PM | Permalink |


  • At Saturday, June 03, 2006 10:00:00 PM, Blogger Hot Biscuit

    I have to say I am pretty pasty white naturally also. It doesn't help when you have dark hair and all you do is burn & freckle in the sun. I am so white I am translucent! You can literally see the veins running through me. I have been using that Jergens self tanning lotion and it at least gives me some color and makes me feel a little better. It doesn't make you look orange either! You should try some of that for when you can't make it to the tan booth.

  • At Saturday, June 03, 2006 10:29:00 PM, Blogger pack of 2

    Ang & I both used to be tan when we lived down in TX & TN...not in Oregon though....we are very white also. We both tan's just that neither of us are willing to put the effort...just what we get when the top is off the Wrangler.

    You couldn't pay either of us to wear shorts...LOL...and we have moved up in size;)It happens!


  • At Saturday, June 03, 2006 11:30:00 PM, Anonymous asterismos

    I have that same skin type as well as the extra poundage from two kids. I used to live in Florida and it really sucks to be the only one on the beach who is fully clothed. I ended up going to the beach at night a bunch. I hope you have a good time on your vacation and am glad everything went well with your office situation.

  • At Sunday, June 04, 2006 1:21:00 AM, Blogger Dari

    tan, what tan...I only do this in Winter here.....enjoy your holiday, we will miss you

  • At Sunday, June 04, 2006 2:35:00 AM, Blogger HotDudi

    I don't tan either. I burn beetroot red...then peel! Also, I'm fat!

    It's really not boding well is it!?! Lol!

    Have a fab time :-)

  • At Sunday, June 04, 2006 7:17:00 AM, Blogger Michael

    You forgot the Goddess part.

    Norman - the bronzed Goddess.

    Take Care

  • At Sunday, June 04, 2006 8:27:00 AM, Blogger Norman

    Hot Biscuit - we could be twins, separated at birth!! I have dark hair too, although it was blond until I was 10... hmmm.. maybe that explains me somewhat!?

    Shangie - now I've seen pictures of you two girlies and there's absolutely no reason whatsoever why YA'LL shouldn't wear shorts!!

    Asterismos - hey! I've been wondering where you were!! I do the same thing as you... beach after hours and fully clothed! it DOES suck!

    Dari - are you kidding?! you're in the middle of the biggest beach - only with no water!

    Hotdudi - us no-tanners should always bond!

    Michael - holy crap! how did i forget the GODDESS part! Yeah!! Norman the bronzed GODDESS!

    I have to go for my second blast spray. Hopefully - it doesn't turn me orange....

Get awesome blog templates like this one from