Sometimes, at my work, we get loonies calling. And when I mean loonies, I mean people that you sit there and wonder what the hell kind of drugs they did in their life to make them so FREAKY. I was sitting at my desk today, when I got a phone call. It went something like this:

ME: Hello, this is Norman...
LOON: I have a problem that I'm hoping you can help me with.
ME: Yes??? (see... I'm a helpful kind of person)
LOON: I've been having some *issues* lately, and I believe they are originating from your workplace.
ME: Well, are you sure you've called the right person? Maybe I should transfer you to human resources....
LOON: Oh no. I've called the right place. I called the main desk and explained what's wrong and they told me to call you. Immediately.
ME: Oh. Well - I guess they would know. So what's the problem?
LOON: I've been receiving messages from the mothership and they want me call you and tell you to cease and desist.
ME: Really? Cool. I'm not interested in stopping anything right now.
LOON: (sounding desperate) But you HAVE to. If you don't, they said they would come down and bring the Rahzzh Force Delinium with them.
ME: Well, bring it on! I've been kind of bored lately.
LOON: Oh, you really don't want that. They have BOMBS.
ME: Well, dude - so do I.
LOON: You need to help me. I have no one else to call. Your main desk said that YOU could help me.
ME: (jotting down a quick "note to self" to call the main desk.) Well. Here. How's this: Call the mothership up and tell them that I stopped.
LOON: So you're going to stop?
ME: NO. We're just going to make them THINK that I stopped. Then, when they kind of chill out a little, thinking that we've stopped, we'll send out an anti-Delinium Falinga Blast that'll knock them out of orbit. But I really need you to work with me on this. This is the only way that this will happen... with your cooperation. Just think, you'll be responsible for saving the world....
LOON: me??????
ME: Yeah. Do you think you're up to it?
LOON: You really think this will work?
ME: Oh sure it'll work!! We did this once before. I'm actually surprised that they came back. The last time we did this, their ship fell out of the sky and crashed out at Roswell.... but then - you already knew that. I mean... everybody knows about that one. I'm just saying - that our technique has improved considerably since then, and now they only visit every so often. I'm just sorry that they decided to hassle you this time. So - you up to it?
LOON: I think I am.
ME: Good. Now, give me your name and address so that I can forward this on to the President. Last time, he actually went and visited the person who helped out. Took a nice picture with them and everything.
LOON: Wow!
ME: Yeah!! (busily taking down contact info to turn over to the men in white coats). Thanks! I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate people like you...
LOON: OK. I'm on it! I'll call you later and let you know how it went...

*click*

And then I picked up the phone and dialed the main desk. "WTF??????!!!!!!" I screeched (quietly.. because I was at work). They were laughing. They figured I needed some entertainment and it actually did provide me with a nice little break....

For your info... I did turn his name in to the men in the little white coats and I'm seriously SERIOUSLY hoping that they paid him a visit!

~norm