YEAH!!
I'll have you all know that I killed a GINORMOUS spider tonight. All....by....my....self. Yesssssssss!!!
See, I've already pre-warned my husband that when he's not here, all bugs that need killing will be saved. If I see a bug, I just pop a cup or bowl over it and let it sit there (whereever 'there' might be), he can squish it when he gets home. I also have to warn the kids when there's a bug captivity in effect, 'cause I already lost 4 bugs that way.
And yes. i DO clean my house, it's just cold outside so the buggiess are looking for warm places to live.
But this spider. Oh THIS spider was WILEY! It was looking at me from the ceiling. He was huge!!! At LEAST the size of a quarter!! And ooky. I could just hear it when I walked in the door, it was going:
"BLAAAAHAHBBLLABALBBABBAAnormanBABLLAAAAHHHnormanBLABBABABABABA"
Because, you know...that's what spiders say. I swear it sounded like a high-pitched tasmanian devil.
Or at least I imagined it did. Probably. More than likely.. but it was DEFINITELY saying my name. It wanted to hurt me!!
Anyhoos. I ran to the kitchen (in a panic), and tried to find a tupperware bowl that I could somehow vacuum seal to the ceiling. Nothing doing. And I could hear it giggling maniacally in the bathroom. So my next choice was to grab a broom ('cuz I'm short and all that), and a FLYSWATTER. Thus armed, I skittered into the bathroom and took aim.
I think I looked like the Olympic Javelin Gold Medalist. That broom launched and HIT (that's why I say GOLD medalist) the spider. There. That shut his ass up. Next, I grabbed the flyswatter and descended on him, treating the spider like he was my sister on the phone.
WHAM!!!WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM!! WHAM!!
Then I whacked him around for good measure. Legs flew all over the place, and he curled into the fetal position, if spider's have fetal positions that is. Whatever they have... he curled in to it.
So it's dead. AND I KILLED IT!! WOOT!!
From: Texas, United States
About me: I'm a mom of 3 children, ages 10, 7 and 4 years. Want to know why I'm Norman? CLICK HERE!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Mighty Norman!!!!
posted by Norman at 7:30 PM
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11 Comments:
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At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 6:58:00 PM,
Oh, they are evil little things too! In a motel room once, my hubby was in the shower and there was this HUGE spider the size of the top of a soda can. No joke. This thing is crawling on the wall and as I aim at it with a shoe, the thing RAISES up on FOUR of it's legs, looks right at me and starts WAVING IT'S OTHER 4 LEGS AT ME!!! The kids freaked out and even the teenage boys screamed. I screamed. My hubby runs out with a towel and saves the day. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well that night.
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At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 7:48:00 PM,
NormanLivey - YEAH!!! WOOT WOOT!!
Aric - i'm a hottie? WOOT!! Actually, you of all people know what a good make-up job does for people... LOL
Lisa - Yes. and taunt me it DID. But it's dead now!!
Teri - See, that solution makes entirely too much sense. Ergo, I cannot utilize this method.
Freak Magnet - oooOOooOOooooooo...
Stacie - Yes!!! Another bug keeper!! It drives my husband nuts when he gets home and there's bowls all over the floor.
McKay - OMG!!! YES!! I need that!! but only if it has an extender attachment. I need to be further away from the leggedy critters.
Tammy - Fumble is awesome. He knows as well as I do that smacking the living shit out of them is the only way to prevent buggy reincarnation.
Anon - You simply MUST post here more often!! That was hilarious!! Were you in Florida? Florida tends to have big leggy bugs. blech!!!
You da WOMAN!