Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Mighty Norman!!!!
YEAH!!

I'll have you all know that I killed a GINORMOUS spider tonight. All....by....my....self. Yesssssssss!!!

See, I've already pre-warned my husband that when he's not here, all bugs that need killing will be saved. If I see a bug, I just pop a cup or bowl over it and let it sit there (whereever 'there' might be), he can squish it when he gets home. I also have to warn the kids when there's a bug captivity in effect, 'cause I already lost 4 bugs that way.

And yes. i DO clean my house, it's just cold outside so the buggiess are looking for warm places to live.

But this spider. Oh THIS spider was WILEY! It was looking at me from the ceiling. He was huge!!! At LEAST the size of a quarter!! And ooky. I could just hear it when I walked in the door, it was going:

"BLAAAAHAHBBLLABALBBABBAAnormanBABLLAAAAHHHnormanBLABBABABABABA"

Because, you know...that's what spiders say. I swear it sounded like a high-pitched tasmanian devil.

Or at least I imagined it did. Probably. More than likely.. but it was DEFINITELY saying my name. It wanted to hurt me!!

Anyhoos. I ran to the kitchen (in a panic), and tried to find a tupperware bowl that I could somehow vacuum seal to the ceiling. Nothing doing. And I could hear it giggling maniacally in the bathroom. So my next choice was to grab a broom ('cuz I'm short and all that), and a FLYSWATTER. Thus armed, I skittered into the bathroom and took aim.

I think I looked like the Olympic Javelin Gold Medalist. That broom launched and HIT (that's why I say GOLD medalist) the spider. There. That shut his ass up. Next, I grabbed the flyswatter and descended on him, treating the spider like he was my sister on the phone.

WHAM!!!WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM!! WHAM!!

Then I whacked him around for good measure. Legs flew all over the place, and he curled into the fetal position, if spider's have fetal positions that is. Whatever they have... he curled in to it.

So it's dead. AND I KILLED IT!! WOOT!!
 
posted by Norman at 7:30 PM | Permalink |


11 Comments:


  • At Tuesday, December 12, 2006 9:20:00 PM, Blogger Livey

    You da WOMAN!

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 1:36:00 AM, Blogger Aric Blue

    I used to scared of spiders. Now I'm hoping one will kill me...

    And just saw your video. Less car, more of you, you hottie!

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 6:37:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Norman the spider slayer!! Hehe!

    They do like to taunt us, don't they?

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 8:59:00 AM, Blogger Teri

    I always keep a can of Raid available. You spray them, they die, you scoop them up and throw them away. Ta da!

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 10:04:00 AM, Blogger Freak Magnet

    Were you scared? Do you need me to hold you?

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 10:25:00 AM, Anonymous Stacie

    Way to go, girl! I do the bowl/cup thing, too! LOL

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 5:15:00 PM, Blogger mckay

    good girl, norman!!

    hubs can get you one of these for christmas!!

    http://www.opamerica.com/product_info.php/products_id/918

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 6:46:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    You are my hero. When my hubbs is gone, I make the boy (age 6) kill the bugs. And does he ever kill them>

    He smacks the shit out of them until their legs fly around. Kind of like yours.

    I do love that you tried to find a bowl to vacuum seal to the ceiling. You kill me.

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 6:49:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    You are my hero. When my hubbs is gone, I make the boy (age 6) kill the bugs. And does he ever kill them>

    He smacks the shit out of them until their legs fly around. Kind of like yours.

    I do love that you tried to find a bowl to vacuum seal to the ceiling. You kill me.

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 6:58:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Oh, they are evil little things too! In a motel room once, my hubby was in the shower and there was this HUGE spider the size of the top of a soda can. No joke. This thing is crawling on the wall and as I aim at it with a shoe, the thing RAISES up on FOUR of it's legs, looks right at me and starts WAVING IT'S OTHER 4 LEGS AT ME!!! The kids freaked out and even the teenage boys screamed. I screamed. My hubby runs out with a towel and saves the day. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well that night.

     
  • At Wednesday, December 13, 2006 7:48:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Livey - YEAH!!! WOOT WOOT!!

    Aric - i'm a hottie? WOOT!! Actually, you of all people know what a good make-up job does for people... LOL

    Lisa - Yes. and taunt me it DID. But it's dead now!!

    Teri - See, that solution makes entirely too much sense. Ergo, I cannot utilize this method.

    Freak Magnet - oooOOooOOooooooo...

    Stacie - Yes!!! Another bug keeper!! It drives my husband nuts when he gets home and there's bowls all over the floor.

    McKay - OMG!!! YES!! I need that!! but only if it has an extender attachment. I need to be further away from the leggedy critters.

    Tammy - Fumble is awesome. He knows as well as I do that smacking the living shit out of them is the only way to prevent buggy reincarnation.

    Anon - You simply MUST post here more often!! That was hilarious!! Were you in Florida? Florida tends to have big leggy bugs. blech!!!

     
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com