Saturday, November 25, 2006
i am TOTALLY broke.
Every year, I have made it a POINT to avoid the much-hyped "Black Friday". I refuse to drag my lazy ass out of bed at 4:00am and shiver outside of a friggin' STORE just to get the best deals. I have made it a POINT to not have to battle the ad-waving people scrambling through the newspaper flyers, plotting out my next shopping hit while I wait for 2 hours in the cold. It's a POINT. A point about what - I'm not too sure, but it's a point. My sister, however, raises no points and decided to drag me on her shopping excursion.

The phone calls began at 3:30am, Friday

*ring*

me: "h'lo?"
evil sister: "Wake up!! We gotta go!!!"
me: *click*

3:45am
*ring*
me: "h'lo?"
evil sister: "WAKE UP!!! I'M COMING OVER"
me: *click*

4:00am
*ring*
me: "go fuck yourself"
Mom: "that's nice"
me: "oh .... oops!!! "
Mom: (clearly miffed) "Your sister would like to go shopping"
me: "tell her to go fuck herself"
Mom: *click*

4:05am
*ring*
me: "mom?"
evil sister: (taunting me) "Mom's really mad at you!! hahaha!! I'm the better daughter!!"
me: "click"
evil sister: "you didn't hang up. You just SAID click"
me: "it was a hint"
me: *click*

4:30am
*ring*
me: "You're going to wake the kids up beeeeyotch!!"
Dad: "Your mother said your language was terrible."
me: "awwww SHIT!"
dad: "Young lady. we did not raise you to talk like that..."
Me: "You also didn't raise me to wake up at ungodly hours to go spend my freaking MONEY!!"
Me: *click* .... WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM (<--- that's me whamming the phone down repeatedly)

4:45am
*ring*
me: "I'm taking the phone off the hook now"
evil sister: "No!! Wai------"
****sound of the phone being laid off the hook****

So then I slept in until 5:30am. At which point Avery decided it was a FANTASTIC time to watch 'toons. And she woke up the other two hooligans. I hung out with them for a while and drank coffee and pondered the idea of beginning my shopping. I mean.... every other year - my hubs and I have dropped the kids off with my mom and done a Shopping Blitz, finishing all of our gift-buying in one day. But then I remembered that MY HUSBAND DOES NOT LIVE HERE ANYMORE. So maybe it WOULD be a good idea to take advantage of the fact that I have people willing to watch my children (oh - and yeah, my husband was here this weekend for T-Giving) while I do my shopping.

I called my evil sister about 9:00am. And begged her forgiveness for my earlier rudeness. She was kind of miffed at me since she missed out on the "early bird" specials, but we agreed on a more (civil) time to meet up and we went a-shopping.

We started out at Best Buy, where I bought a couple of photo printers, that are normally $150, for $49.95. So I was happy with that - and ready to go home... but my sister really really REALLY wanted to go to Target. And that is where I lost all my money. I hate Target mainly because I want to buy everything in that store. And Friday - I actually TRIED to buy everything in that store. Whatever I didn't buy - my sister did. We quite literally filled up my car until nothing else would fit in it.

We left my house at 10:00am, and I didn't get back home until 8:00pm. I distinctly remember telling my husband that I would be back at the house by 12:00. Apparently, I didn't specify 12:00am or 12:00pm, and his mistake was in not asking me to clarify. Either way - I wasn't in too much trouble. And he hasn't checked the bank account lately because I'm still alive. But the majority of our shopping is DONE!! But I digress!!

We spent the majority of our day at Target. I think around 3:00pm, I realized I was seriously broke, but was unwilling to call it a day. I kept eyeballing the contents of my cart and pulling things out, calculating, recalculating, and then shoving everything back in going "To hell with it!! This is CHRISTMAS!!"

I was hanging out by the vacuum cleaners, eyeballing the Dyson's. Particularly the Purple one called the "Animal" (Spicy Cracker told me the Animal is wonderful!!), when I found it.

Know what I found? I found one of the Target Employees little walkie-talkies.

I have never had so much friggin' fun in my life!!!!

I picked it up, and turned it on. Pushed the little button, and began talking as if I was a Target Employee:

ME: "Hey Guys!! The boss says that if we get our areas zoned, we can leave EARLY!!"

The channel went silent for a minute, and then chatter picked up on the radio.

TARGET People: "FOR REALS??"

Me: "Nah - I'm just jacking with you"

TARGET People: "It's not funny. Give me a price check..."

Me: "Price check? Sure! Go ahead"

TARGET People: "How much are the TrueTech Digital Photo Frames"

Me: "Damned if I know. Why don't you just give it to them for $25?"

TARGET People: ".....$25? They're like... usually $110...."

Me: "Well.. the price today is $25"

TARGET People: "Who is this?"

Me: "I'm a customer. I found the radio, but I'm coming over to get my digital photo frame for $25"

TARGET People: "You're a guest and you have a radio? "

Me: "Yeah. I found it. This is pretty cool"

TARGET People: "Well, could you please bring the radio to guest services?"

Me: "No I don't think I want to"

TARGET People: "Well, you have to."

Me: "Hey. Finders keepers and all that... can I have a photo frame for $25?"

TARGET People: "Where are you?"

Me: "I'm over in housewares right now, but I'm walking really really fast, cause now I have to move"

TARGET People: "You know security can see you from their little bubble cameras"

Me: "Okay... I'll give you your radio... but can I have a photo frame for $25?

Target person tapping me on the back.... "No, but thank you for finding our radio..."

Me: "damn"

Then my sister made us leave.

But that's what she gets for making me go shopping the day after Thanksgiving.

**I'M CALLING A ROLL CALL!!! DID EVERYONE GET BACK OK?? LET ME KNOW!**
 
posted by Norman at 8:46 PM | Permalink |


29 Comments:


  • At Saturday, November 25, 2006 9:42:00 PM, Anonymous shakennotstirred

    OMG Norman!!! You absolutely KILL me!!

    And that shopping tip will go down in Black Friday history.

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 8:38:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    That killed me! I want a Target radio now! And I don't even shop there.

    I do all my shopping on one day, too. I hate Christmas shopping. And not just 'cause I'm Jewish.

    I'm not home yet. I went away to the parental types for Turkey Day. But I survived Black Friday. By not leaving the house, more or less.

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 8:49:00 AM, Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker

    Im here! I was going broke in Target too, but I did make it out alive, only to go to the mall and lose the rest of my savings account. I did, however, end up getting a free pair of earrings, a free clutch purse, a free cd and a free bottle of perfume from Bath and Body Works, so I think it may have been worth it. And this morning I got on the scale and I had LOST weight! So life is good for me. Im happy.

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 9:26:00 AM, Anonymous Stacie

    Norman, I want to go shopping with you!!

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 9:30:00 AM, Blogger Norman

    Shaken - I have killed NOBODY. Nobody saw me kill anybody... I had sooooo much fun with that radio!!! LOL

    Ace - You SHOULD shop there. It's totally AWESOME!

    Wide Lawns - You got more free stuff than I did. AND !!! WAY TO GO on the weight loss!! What are you doing?? I'm trying to walk on my treadmill 3.5 miles a night, but I'm having trouble removing all my clothes off my expensive clothes hanger...

    Stacie - LET'S GO!!!

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 1:57:00 PM, Blogger The Maid of the North

    Ooh...shopping! I must go also! You cannot leave...me...behind...*runs after Norman and Stacie's car*

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 6:34:00 PM, Blogger Michael

    You are so cool. Take me shopping with you next time.

    Take Care
    Michael

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:03:00 PM, Blogger Cacti to Cornfields

    Dollars spent on holiday gifts Friday, Saturday, and today? ZERO!!! That's right! Nobody's gettin' nuthin' this year!! Bah humbug! See how much money getting a divorce saves a person???!!

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:04:00 PM, Blogger Snooze

    Those phone conversations are the best. I wish they were recorded and we could hear an audioblog

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:17:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    The phone conversation was the BEST! TOO FUNNY...and the walkie talkie...GREAT.

    But, but...I have one question - what is the part about hubs not living there anymore? I have newly, kind of, found you - you haven't, sniff, seperated or something of that ilk have you?

    Please...I need to know!

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:31:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Maid - QUICK!!! HOP IN!!! You ARE bringing beer... aren't you?

    Michael - I'm telling ya - we need to charter a biiiig bus, and all ya'll bloggers should join in. We'll scare all the retailers!!

    Cacti - awww man.... you can come do Christmas at my house!!

    Snooze - at 3:30am in the morning, I was NOT thinking about recording the phone calls for the blog world. LOL!!!

    Anon - Nope... the hubby and I are not separated or anything else of the sort. It's just a temporary living arrangement since he got employment in a different town. I'm trying to sell our house, while he works. He's actually here quite a bit, but then he has to leave for a few days. (for instance - he came down for TGiving... but he's STILL HERE)


    errr... now that I've described my living arrangements to the internets, I feel compelled to say that ANY STALKERS OUT THERE should know that I have a BIG BIG GUN and I'm not a-feared to use it. I also have LOTS of friends in the Police Department and THE FBI. So leave me ALONE!

    LOL

    norman

     
  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 8:58:00 PM, Blogger pack of 2

    That is SO funny Norm!!!!! Too bad you didn't get your digital frame for the discount price.;)

    Angie

     
  • At Monday, November 27, 2006 4:28:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Now you've done it, Norm. Denny now reads your blog right after the funnies.

    Loved your phone conversation with the family. The nice thing about being in a different city every week? Family can't find you to drag you out shopping and sh*t. lol.

     
  • At Monday, November 27, 2006 9:05:00 AM, Blogger Tammy

    Girl, you crack my shit right up.

     
  • At Monday, November 27, 2006 9:57:00 AM, Blogger Freak Magnet

    Mmmm Dyson... *drools*. I don't know why I want one. Stewie does all the vaccuuming anyway.

     
  • At Monday, November 27, 2006 7:49:00 PM, Blogger Kim

    You crack me up. That is one of the best posts I have ever read. You think its funny while you are reading about the phone calls and then you thief the target walkit-talkie.

    Funny stuff, Norm.

     
  • At Tuesday, November 28, 2006 8:11:00 AM, Blogger Spicy Cracker

    Here I am... sick but holding on. I love target.

     
  • At Tuesday, November 28, 2006 10:55:00 AM, Blogger The Maid of the North

    No beer...but I do make some mean hot chocolate. It's like crack. Only chocolate.

    Chocolate crack.

    Good stuff, whatever you call it.

     
  • At Tuesday, November 28, 2006 8:28:00 PM, Anonymous team target

    I just have to say that I work at a Target and if some guest had done that in our story, I would have burst out laughing so hard....


    Those walkies are fun. You should hear us team members on them when the store closes.

     
  • At Wednesday, November 29, 2006 12:59:00 AM, Blogger Nancy

    You do sound like a fun person to go shopping with... eheheheh. I wonder if they did capture some footage of you with the walkie-talkie?

     
  • At Wednesday, November 29, 2006 12:38:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Hi,

    I am done lurking. I found your blog linked on wide lawns. I never posted before because I wanted to read all the months first. I just finished today.

    Your blog is very humorous and I do enjoy it. I will continue to read it each week.

    I am a working mom of 2 (20 year old son and almost 8 year old daughter). My husband and I had given up on a second one and had begun planning an early retirement when our daughter appeared! They are fun, aren't they?

    Thanks for the laughs and insights.

    FIDUCKS

     
  • At Wednesday, November 29, 2006 7:30:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Angie - Yeah... that sucked, but I did get one at Circuit City the other day!! woohoo!! Not for $25 though..

    Linda - Denny reads now?! How come he never comments!?

    Tammy - LOL!! I'm glad!! You make me laugh too!

    Freak - Ah!! But does Stewie vacuum naked?

    Kim - I didn't THIEF the walkie talkie!! I FOUND it!! Huge difference!! HUGE! (but I wanted to thief it!!

    Spicy - awwww... hope you feel better soon. I need you so that you buy more Pampered Chef stuff. Did I mention that the executive cookware will be on special in January?

    Maid - I bought some hot chocolate at Target!! It looks like little ice cream cones!! I bought them to put in the kids stockings at XMAS!!

    Team Target - WOOHOOO!!! I got a Target member reading!! Hey - my best friend in the wholewideworld used to work at Target...it's how I picked up a little of the "lingo"!! LOL

    Nancy - well, lets go shopping!! We can ask them about the footage....

    Fiducks/Anon - Hi!! I love new readers! Are you going to start a blog?

     
  • At Thursday, November 30, 2006 9:10:00 AM, Blogger booda baby

    If there's a Funniest Blog Post of the Year category somewhere, I'm nominating this.

    evil sister: "you didn't hang up. You just SAID click" I'm not so sure they get any better than this.

     
  • At Saturday, December 09, 2006 5:17:00 PM, Blogger Livey

    Damn I've missed some great shit! I would love to go shopping with you! I have a feeling you and I would get into a LOT of trouble together! LOL

     
  • At Wednesday, January 10, 2007 3:38:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Hey girlie...can you come over to my blog for a sec.

    I want you to know this is one of three posts that I read when my world gets harsh [and right now it is pretty dark....kidnapped son! woohoo]

    but I wanted to let you know how I appreciate your humor and it helps a lot...especially this goofy post....I WISH I had been with you.

    As I said on a latter post...I nominated you for 3 bloggies - Best Writing - Most Humorous - Best Kept Secret -

    We will hate to share but you deserve the recognition.

    Thanks Norman for making my day a bit lighter.

    Hugs

     
  • At Tuesday, March 20, 2007 11:09:00 PM, Blogger SkippyMom

    It is March 20th and this post still makes me laugh hard enough to make me pee a bit in my jeans...is it your writing or my old age [40] - only you appreciate that Norm...

    Thanks for being one of the funniest people I can turn to...I could read this post forever and still get a smile and a tear over laughing....

    You rock. Hope all is well with the Norman Clan.

    Hugs from all things Skippy!

     
  • At Tuesday, March 20, 2007 11:13:00 PM, Blogger SkippyMom

    omg...i hit stalker status...I wrote in the anon vein just above my last comment.

    i am not stalking...um, just worshiping...uh..no, uh liking...no...let's see...

    OKAY..OKAY...I am really drunk and depressed and you are my AA..giggle....oh wait, that doesn't work either...does it?

    Norm, can you make an excuse for me? hee..hee...

     
  • At Friday, March 23, 2007 4:50:00 AM, Blogger Norman

    LOL!! I just now realized that you posted here!!

    You're so silly. Actually - you didn't write in as "Anon" on that third post. When I switched to the new blogger, it dumped some of the poster's names. not quite sure why - but I remember you writing that one because I came over to your blog after reading that!!

    Thanks for being my stalker!!

     
  • At Friday, June 01, 2007 12:46:00 PM, Blogger SkippyMom

    It's the Target Post again...giggle..Your current posts keep me going but m'gosh..when I need a laugh out loud moment...I come back and read this darn thing.

    Does this make me weird? or a groupie? I think we ascertained I wasn't a stalker [not really....hee!]

    Hugs to all the Norman clan. Thanks for your funniness...YOu are the only person I would ever step foot in a Target with, ever.

     
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com