Saturday, November 25, 2006
i am TOTALLY broke.
Every year, I have made it a POINT to avoid the much-hyped "Black Friday". I refuse to drag my lazy ass out of bed at 4:00am and shiver outside of a friggin' STORE just to get the best deals. I have made it a POINT to not have to battle the ad-waving people scrambling through the newspaper flyers, plotting out my next shopping hit while I wait for 2 hours in the cold. It's a POINT. A point about what - I'm not too sure, but it's a point. My sister, however, raises no points and decided to drag me on her shopping excursion.

The phone calls began at 3:30am, Friday


me: "h'lo?"
evil sister: "Wake up!! We gotta go!!!"
me: *click*

me: "h'lo?"
evil sister: "WAKE UP!!! I'M COMING OVER"
me: *click*

me: "go fuck yourself"
Mom: "that's nice"
me: "oh .... oops!!! "
Mom: (clearly miffed) "Your sister would like to go shopping"
me: "tell her to go fuck herself"
Mom: *click*

me: "mom?"
evil sister: (taunting me) "Mom's really mad at you!! hahaha!! I'm the better daughter!!"
me: "click"
evil sister: "you didn't hang up. You just SAID click"
me: "it was a hint"
me: *click*

me: "You're going to wake the kids up beeeeyotch!!"
Dad: "Your mother said your language was terrible."
me: "awwww SHIT!"
dad: "Young lady. we did not raise you to talk like that..."
Me: "You also didn't raise me to wake up at ungodly hours to go spend my freaking MONEY!!"
Me: *click* .... WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM (<--- that's me whamming the phone down repeatedly)

me: "I'm taking the phone off the hook now"
evil sister: "No!! Wai------"
****sound of the phone being laid off the hook****

So then I slept in until 5:30am. At which point Avery decided it was a FANTASTIC time to watch 'toons. And she woke up the other two hooligans. I hung out with them for a while and drank coffee and pondered the idea of beginning my shopping. I mean.... every other year - my hubs and I have dropped the kids off with my mom and done a Shopping Blitz, finishing all of our gift-buying in one day. But then I remembered that MY HUSBAND DOES NOT LIVE HERE ANYMORE. So maybe it WOULD be a good idea to take advantage of the fact that I have people willing to watch my children (oh - and yeah, my husband was here this weekend for T-Giving) while I do my shopping.

I called my evil sister about 9:00am. And begged her forgiveness for my earlier rudeness. She was kind of miffed at me since she missed out on the "early bird" specials, but we agreed on a more (civil) time to meet up and we went a-shopping.

We started out at Best Buy, where I bought a couple of photo printers, that are normally $150, for $49.95. So I was happy with that - and ready to go home... but my sister really really REALLY wanted to go to Target. And that is where I lost all my money. I hate Target mainly because I want to buy everything in that store. And Friday - I actually TRIED to buy everything in that store. Whatever I didn't buy - my sister did. We quite literally filled up my car until nothing else would fit in it.

We left my house at 10:00am, and I didn't get back home until 8:00pm. I distinctly remember telling my husband that I would be back at the house by 12:00. Apparently, I didn't specify 12:00am or 12:00pm, and his mistake was in not asking me to clarify. Either way - I wasn't in too much trouble. And he hasn't checked the bank account lately because I'm still alive. But the majority of our shopping is DONE!! But I digress!!

We spent the majority of our day at Target. I think around 3:00pm, I realized I was seriously broke, but was unwilling to call it a day. I kept eyeballing the contents of my cart and pulling things out, calculating, recalculating, and then shoving everything back in going "To hell with it!! This is CHRISTMAS!!"

I was hanging out by the vacuum cleaners, eyeballing the Dyson's. Particularly the Purple one called the "Animal" (Spicy Cracker told me the Animal is wonderful!!), when I found it.

Know what I found? I found one of the Target Employees little walkie-talkies.

I have never had so much friggin' fun in my life!!!!

I picked it up, and turned it on. Pushed the little button, and began talking as if I was a Target Employee:

ME: "Hey Guys!! The boss says that if we get our areas zoned, we can leave EARLY!!"

The channel went silent for a minute, and then chatter picked up on the radio.


Me: "Nah - I'm just jacking with you"

TARGET People: "It's not funny. Give me a price check..."

Me: "Price check? Sure! Go ahead"

TARGET People: "How much are the TrueTech Digital Photo Frames"

Me: "Damned if I know. Why don't you just give it to them for $25?"

TARGET People: ".....$25? They're like... usually $110...."

Me: "Well.. the price today is $25"

TARGET People: "Who is this?"

Me: "I'm a customer. I found the radio, but I'm coming over to get my digital photo frame for $25"

TARGET People: "You're a guest and you have a radio? "

Me: "Yeah. I found it. This is pretty cool"

TARGET People: "Well, could you please bring the radio to guest services?"

Me: "No I don't think I want to"

TARGET People: "Well, you have to."

Me: "Hey. Finders keepers and all that... can I have a photo frame for $25?"

TARGET People: "Where are you?"

Me: "I'm over in housewares right now, but I'm walking really really fast, cause now I have to move"

TARGET People: "You know security can see you from their little bubble cameras"

Me: "Okay... I'll give you your radio... but can I have a photo frame for $25?

Target person tapping me on the back.... "No, but thank you for finding our radio..."

Me: "damn"

Then my sister made us leave.

But that's what she gets for making me go shopping the day after Thanksgiving.

posted by Norman at 8:46 PM | Permalink |


  • At Saturday, November 25, 2006 9:42:00 PM, Anonymous shakennotstirred

    OMG Norman!!! You absolutely KILL me!!

    And that shopping tip will go down in Black Friday history.

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 8:38:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    That killed me! I want a Target radio now! And I don't even shop there.

    I do all my shopping on one day, too. I hate Christmas shopping. And not just 'cause I'm Jewish.

    I'm not home yet. I went away to the parental types for Turkey Day. But I survived Black Friday. By not leaving the house, more or less.

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 8:49:00 AM, Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker

    Im here! I was going broke in Target too, but I did make it out alive, only to go to the mall and lose the rest of my savings account. I did, however, end up getting a free pair of earrings, a free clutch purse, a free cd and a free bottle of perfume from Bath and Body Works, so I think it may have been worth it. And this morning I got on the scale and I had LOST weight! So life is good for me. Im happy.

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 9:26:00 AM, Anonymous Stacie

    Norman, I want to go shopping with you!!

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 9:30:00 AM, Blogger Norman

    Shaken - I have killed NOBODY. Nobody saw me kill anybody... I had sooooo much fun with that radio!!! LOL

    Ace - You SHOULD shop there. It's totally AWESOME!

    Wide Lawns - You got more free stuff than I did. AND !!! WAY TO GO on the weight loss!! What are you doing?? I'm trying to walk on my treadmill 3.5 miles a night, but I'm having trouble removing all my clothes off my expensive clothes hanger...

    Stacie - LET'S GO!!!

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 1:57:00 PM, Blogger The Maid of the North! I must go also! You cannot*runs after Norman and Stacie's car*

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 6:34:00 PM, Blogger Michael

    You are so cool. Take me shopping with you next time.

    Take Care

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:03:00 PM, Blogger Cacti to Cornfields

    Dollars spent on holiday gifts Friday, Saturday, and today? ZERO!!! That's right! Nobody's gettin' nuthin' this year!! Bah humbug! See how much money getting a divorce saves a person???!!

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:04:00 PM, Blogger Snooze

    Those phone conversations are the best. I wish they were recorded and we could hear an audioblog

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:17:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    The phone conversation was the BEST! TOO FUNNY...and the walkie talkie...GREAT.

    But, but...I have one question - what is the part about hubs not living there anymore? I have newly, kind of, found you - you haven't, sniff, seperated or something of that ilk have you?

    Please...I need to know!

  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:31:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Maid - QUICK!!! HOP IN!!! You ARE bringing beer... aren't you?

    Michael - I'm telling ya - we need to charter a biiiig bus, and all ya'll bloggers should join in. We'll scare all the retailers!!

    Cacti - awww man.... you can come do Christmas at my house!!

    Snooze - at 3:30am in the morning, I was NOT thinking about recording the phone calls for the blog world. LOL!!!

    Anon - Nope... the hubby and I are not separated or anything else of the sort. It's just a temporary living arrangement since he got employment in a different town. I'm trying to sell our house, while he works. He's actually here quite a bit, but then he has to leave for a few days. (for instance - he came down for TGiving... but he's STILL HERE)

    errr... now that I've described my living arrangements to the internets, I feel compelled to say that ANY STALKERS OUT THERE should know that I have a BIG BIG GUN and I'm not a-feared to use it. I also have LOTS of friends in the Police Department and THE FBI. So leave me ALONE!



  • At Sunday, November 26, 2006 8:58:00 PM, Blogger pack of 2

    That is SO funny Norm!!!!! Too bad you didn't get your digital frame for the discount price.;)


  • At Monday, November 27, 2006 4:28:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Now you've done it, Norm. Denny now reads your blog right after the funnies.

    Loved your phone conversation with the family. The nice thing about being in a different city every week? Family can't find you to drag you out shopping and sh*t. lol.

  • At Monday, November 27, 2006 9:05:00 AM, Blogger Tammy

    Girl, you crack my shit right up.

  • At Monday, November 27, 2006 9:57:00 AM, Blogger Freak Magnet

    Mmmm Dyson... *drools*. I don't know why I want one. Stewie does all the vaccuuming anyway.

  • At Monday, November 27, 2006 7:49:00 PM, Blogger Kim

    You crack me up. That is one of the best posts I have ever read. You think its funny while you are reading about the phone calls and then you thief the target walkit-talkie.

    Funny stuff, Norm.

  • At Tuesday, November 28, 2006 8:11:00 AM, Blogger Spicy Cracker

    Here I am... sick but holding on. I love target.

  • At Tuesday, November 28, 2006 10:55:00 AM, Blogger The Maid of the North

    No beer...but I do make some mean hot chocolate. It's like crack. Only chocolate.

    Chocolate crack.

    Good stuff, whatever you call it.

  • At Tuesday, November 28, 2006 8:28:00 PM, Anonymous team target

    I just have to say that I work at a Target and if some guest had done that in our story, I would have burst out laughing so hard....

    Those walkies are fun. You should hear us team members on them when the store closes.

  • At Wednesday, November 29, 2006 12:59:00 AM, Blogger Nancy

    You do sound like a fun person to go shopping with... eheheheh. I wonder if they did capture some footage of you with the walkie-talkie?

  • At Wednesday, November 29, 2006 12:38:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous


    I am done lurking. I found your blog linked on wide lawns. I never posted before because I wanted to read all the months first. I just finished today.

    Your blog is very humorous and I do enjoy it. I will continue to read it each week.

    I am a working mom of 2 (20 year old son and almost 8 year old daughter). My husband and I had given up on a second one and had begun planning an early retirement when our daughter appeared! They are fun, aren't they?

    Thanks for the laughs and insights.


  • At Wednesday, November 29, 2006 7:30:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Angie - Yeah... that sucked, but I did get one at Circuit City the other day!! woohoo!! Not for $25 though..

    Linda - Denny reads now?! How come he never comments!?

    Tammy - LOL!! I'm glad!! You make me laugh too!

    Freak - Ah!! But does Stewie vacuum naked?

    Kim - I didn't THIEF the walkie talkie!! I FOUND it!! Huge difference!! HUGE! (but I wanted to thief it!!

    Spicy - awwww... hope you feel better soon. I need you so that you buy more Pampered Chef stuff. Did I mention that the executive cookware will be on special in January?

    Maid - I bought some hot chocolate at Target!! It looks like little ice cream cones!! I bought them to put in the kids stockings at XMAS!!

    Team Target - WOOHOOO!!! I got a Target member reading!! Hey - my best friend in the wholewideworld used to work at's how I picked up a little of the "lingo"!! LOL

    Nancy - well, lets go shopping!! We can ask them about the footage....

    Fiducks/Anon - Hi!! I love new readers! Are you going to start a blog?

  • At Thursday, November 30, 2006 9:10:00 AM, Blogger booda baby

    If there's a Funniest Blog Post of the Year category somewhere, I'm nominating this.

    evil sister: "you didn't hang up. You just SAID click" I'm not so sure they get any better than this.

  • At Saturday, December 09, 2006 5:17:00 PM, Blogger Livey

    Damn I've missed some great shit! I would love to go shopping with you! I have a feeling you and I would get into a LOT of trouble together! LOL

  • At Wednesday, January 10, 2007 3:38:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Hey girlie...can you come over to my blog for a sec.

    I want you to know this is one of three posts that I read when my world gets harsh [and right now it is pretty dark....kidnapped son! woohoo]

    but I wanted to let you know how I appreciate your humor and it helps a lot...especially this goofy post....I WISH I had been with you.

    As I said on a latter post...I nominated you for 3 bloggies - Best Writing - Most Humorous - Best Kept Secret -

    We will hate to share but you deserve the recognition.

    Thanks Norman for making my day a bit lighter.


  • At Tuesday, March 20, 2007 11:09:00 PM, Blogger SkippyMom

    It is March 20th and this post still makes me laugh hard enough to make me pee a bit in my it your writing or my old age [40] - only you appreciate that Norm...

    Thanks for being one of the funniest people I can turn to...I could read this post forever and still get a smile and a tear over laughing....

    You rock. Hope all is well with the Norman Clan.

    Hugs from all things Skippy!

  • At Tuesday, March 20, 2007 11:13:00 PM, Blogger SkippyMom

    omg...i hit stalker status...I wrote in the anon vein just above my last comment.

    i am not, just, uh's see...

    OKAY..OKAY...I am really drunk and depressed and you are my AA..giggle....oh wait, that doesn't work either...does it?

    Norm, can you make an excuse for me? hee..hee...

  • At Friday, March 23, 2007 4:50:00 AM, Blogger Norman

    LOL!! I just now realized that you posted here!!

    You're so silly. Actually - you didn't write in as "Anon" on that third post. When I switched to the new blogger, it dumped some of the poster's names. not quite sure why - but I remember you writing that one because I came over to your blog after reading that!!

    Thanks for being my stalker!!

  • At Friday, June 01, 2007 12:46:00 PM, Blogger SkippyMom

    It's the Target Post again...giggle..Your current posts keep me going but m'gosh..when I need a laugh out loud moment...I come back and read this darn thing.

    Does this make me weird? or a groupie? I think we ascertained I wasn't a stalker [not really....hee!]

    Hugs to all the Norman clan. Thanks for your funniness...YOu are the only person I would ever step foot in a Target with, ever.

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