Saturday, May 31, 2008
Anyone who has given a garage sale in the state of Texas understands the meaning of the title of this post.




That's all I heard today. Foolishly, I thought it would be a great idea to EARN the money for season's passes to Fiesta Texas here in San Antonio rather than spend money we've saved. I started looking through my house and realized I have MORE than enough junk to trade in for 5 season passes. Besides, my neighbor is holding a garage sale and I decided to just tag along onto her sale.

Which pissed her off because she paid to advertise in the paper and essentially I was freeloading off her ad to profit.

Or something like that. At any rate. Rather than piss of yet another neighbor, I offered to pay for half of the advertising fee. So how much does it cost to buy a friend?? Apparently, you can pay my neighbor $15 to be nice to you. Anyway. We averted the possibility of being run out of the neighborhood on a rail. Honestly. If I get one more neighbor mad, I'm going to have the majority against me and we'll be booted.

Just for insurance though...halfway thru the day I popped over to their house with a bucket of margaritas and cemented my newly paid subscription-friendship with her.

So, let's talk about garage sale prices. I hate haggling. I know better than to have a garage sale because I'm a terrible negotiator. Here. Let me show you how I bargain:

Shopper: cuántos?
Me: $5
Shopper: 2 dollar
Me: $6
Shopper: eh? 3 dollar
Me: $7
Shopper: EH!! Loco lady! THREE DOLLAR!!!
Me: Get your $3 ass off my driveway....cuántos THAT!

Really. I know better than to have garage sales. I it REALLY that important to bargain me down to 10 cents from a quarter?

However, I did smarten up this year and made my 10 year old sit on the lawn with a big ol' ice chest of ice-cold drinks. Which she sold for $1 each. No bargaining allowed by the land crabs. The snot racked in $75 of which she will NOT return to me. So I made her pay me the amount I spent on the actual drinks ($12).

There was one person I'd like to talk about today. She haggled me on everything. I mean EVERYTHING. She had both arms full of adorable girls clothing, and tried to offer me $10. After much negotiating ( and yelling on my part), I finally agreed to a price of $30...(after I had careened up to $70). She handed me a stinking $100 bill and asked for change. I just glared at her, but finally turned to get her change. As I turned around, I SAW THAT BITCH SHOVE A COFFEE CUP IN HER PURSE. Rather than yell at her, I gave her change, and held back $5 extra dollars. She told me I shorted her $5. I told her she jacked a cup. So then she had the nerve to yank it out of her purse and tell me she bought it at a different garage sale.

Hello. I know that mug. It says "Mine" on the bottom. I handpainted it. So knowing she was busted, she placed it on the table and asked for her $5. I told her to get lost. At which point she threatened to call the cops because I stole HER five dollars.

About this time, my neighbor came over (thank God I gave them margaritas), and offered to walk her to her car....forcibly. So she left

But good god. If I hear : "Cuántos?" one more time today.... I'll scream.

And this is why I only hold garage sales once every 5 years.
posted by Norman at 3:23 PM | Permalink |


  • At Saturday, May 31, 2008 4:57:00 PM, Blogger RubiaLala

    We live in California and get the "cuantos?" all the time to. I HATE THAT! Garage sales aren't my thing either.

    Good for you for standing up to her.

  • At Saturday, May 31, 2008 11:18:00 PM, Blogger Moi

    Hate the cuantos.

    You are my hero, Norman! I will use your negotiating tactic from now on! That is, if I am ever crazy enough to have a garage sale.

  • At Sunday, June 01, 2008 7:32:00 AM, Blogger Sunshine & Kitten Farts

    What's cauntos?

  • At Sunday, June 01, 2008 8:40:00 AM, Blogger Lisa

    Precisely why I REFUSE to have a garage sale. I'd rather dump all my stuff over at the church rummage sale and let them do the haggling.

  • At Sunday, June 01, 2008 9:21:00 AM, Blogger Sandra

    I definitely had the same lady four years ago up here in Ontario at my garage sale. She annoyed me so much I didn't want to sell her anything. It was a 2 day garage sale and she came back after hours, made me crawl thru my garage to the back as she wanted to buy my electric frying pan and 'wouldn't be around tomorrow'. Then she offered me $2 for it. I had $10 on it. I was ready to hit her with it! And she did come back the next day. Garage sales are NOT worth the aggravation!!

  • At Monday, June 02, 2008 3:31:00 AM, Blogger Linda and Denny

    I've been known to say "Lady, if I wanted to give it away, I'd take it to (insert charity here)". Nothing is EVER less than a quarter--if they can't pay a quarter for it they don't really want it.

    My mother and I will be having a garage sale within the next month. I may be looking for a bucket of margaritas there.

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