Anyone who has given a garage sale in the state of Texas understands the meaning of the title of this post.

cuántos?

cuántos?

cuántos?

That's all I heard today. Foolishly, I thought it would be a great idea to EARN the money for season's passes to Fiesta Texas here in San Antonio rather than spend money we've saved. I started looking through my house and realized I have MORE than enough junk to trade in for 5 season passes. Besides, my neighbor is holding a garage sale and I decided to just tag along onto her sale.

Which pissed her off because she paid to advertise in the paper and essentially I was freeloading off her ad to profit.

Or something like that. At any rate. Rather than piss of yet another neighbor, I offered to pay for half of the advertising fee. So how much does it cost to buy a friend?? Apparently, you can pay my neighbor $15 to be nice to you. Anyway. We averted the possibility of being run out of the neighborhood on a rail. Honestly. If I get one more neighbor mad, I'm going to have the majority against me and we'll be booted.

Just for insurance though...halfway thru the day I popped over to their house with a bucket of margaritas and cemented my newly paid subscription-friendship with her.

So, let's talk about garage sale prices. I hate haggling. I know better than to have a garage sale because I'm a terrible negotiator. Here. Let me show you how I bargain:

Shopper: cuántos?
Me: $5
Shopper: 2 dollar
Me: $6
Shopper: eh? 3 dollar
Me: $7
Shopper: EH!! Loco lady! THREE DOLLAR!!!
Me: Get your $3 ass off my driveway....cuántos THAT!

Really. I know better than to have garage sales. I mean...is it REALLY that important to bargain me down to 10 cents from a quarter?

However, I did smarten up this year and made my 10 year old sit on the lawn with a big ol' ice chest of ice-cold drinks. Which she sold for $1 each. No bargaining allowed by the land crabs. The snot racked in $75 of which she will NOT return to me. So I made her pay me the amount I spent on the actual drinks ($12).

There was one person I'd like to talk about today. She haggled me on everything. I mean EVERYTHING. She had both arms full of adorable girls clothing, and tried to offer me $10. After much negotiating ( and yelling on my part), I finally agreed to a price of $30...(after I had careened up to $70). She handed me a stinking $100 bill and asked for change. I just glared at her, but finally turned to get her change. As I turned around, I SAW THAT BITCH SHOVE A COFFEE CUP IN HER PURSE. Rather than yell at her, I gave her change, and held back $5 extra dollars. She told me I shorted her $5. I told her she jacked a cup. So then she had the nerve to yank it out of her purse and tell me she bought it at a different garage sale.

Hello. I know that mug. It says "Mine" on the bottom. I handpainted it. So knowing she was busted, she placed it on the table and asked for her $5. I told her to get lost. At which point she threatened to call the cops because I stole HER five dollars.

About this time, my neighbor came over (thank God I gave them margaritas), and offered to walk her to her car....forcibly. So she left

But good god. If I hear : "Cuántos?" one more time today.... I'll scream.

And this is why I only hold garage sales once every 5 years.