We are such bad pet owners. Well, not really..but yeah.. Poor Olivia. Our sweet fluffy kitty Olivia is now the screaming yowling temptress.

Oh yes. We've neglected to spay the sweet darling and now she's like a cheap hooker in a bar at closing time. She wants her some. And she has decided to show her dissatisfaction at not getting no satisfaction by PISSING in Ethan's closet. Now it smells horrid in his closet. And I've already shampooed that damn closet 3 times.

So off to PetSmart I went to find some sort of Noxious Odor B Gone. And I found it.
(Cue the heavenly chorus)...

An Ultraviolet Light. O yeaaaaah..... Apparently, this little gizmo will SHOW you where your fuzzy darling has stenched out the house...because once cat piss dries on a tan carpet - you won't find it. Not sure if it would work, but willing to fork over $19 anyway in a desperate attempt to avoid shelling out a bazillion dollars for carpet replacement, I bought the fucker. And went into Ethan's closet with said light in tow.

The damn thing works. I shut the light off, and two...TWO frickin' spots immediately jumped into view. HA! So I grabbed the bottle of Noxious Odor B Gone and completely saturated the spots. (as per the directions...) I think the stink is gone. But then the games began.

What else is in my carpet? I wondered. I began crawling around. Ick. Mental note to self: Rip out the frickin' carpet.

Then Norman's Husband ventured in. "What are you doing?" "Well...duh...I'm beaming an ultraviolet light on the floor..." "I can see that....but why?"

To get grossed out? "I don't know! I want to see the places I need to dump a gallon of bleach and light the carpet on fire! Look right here...see this spot? I think it's POOP!" "Oh yea... Avery had an accident. I thought I cleaned it up." "You thought??! Look right here! It's a POOP SPECK!!!"

and on and on the conversation went. Then Mr. Norman's Husband got the bright idea to beam our bed.

Ha. Perfectly clean. Spotless. So NOT a testiment to the studliness he thought he was going to show me. And then I flipped the sheet back.

'HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IN HERE?! DAAAAAAAAMNN!!!!! "

Looks like a late night tonight while I wait for the sheets to dry.

Mr. Norman's Husband feels studly