Asterismos (prior commenter) mentioned that watching my husband get snipped was probably an interesting procedure to see. Well, it was... mostly. But I really think I just enjoyed the idea of it a whole lot more! Honestly - I was surprised that they let me in the room while they did it. But I stayed in there, and even got assigned duties by the doctor!

I wasn't planning on staying there - heck I was just going to drop him off, go do some shopping and come back and pick him up. Kinda like dropping him off at daycare. But when I got there, the receptionist instructed BOTH of us to go to the doctor's consulting room. My husband was uncharacteristically quiet and still while we waited in the office. Soon the doctor breezed in and started talking to us about vasectomies - what the procedure involved, how it worked, blah blah blah.. all the usual crap about warnings and side effects. Then - he took out a form and asked ME to sign it. "Uh...doc - I'm not the one with the the 'equipment' that needs altering" I said. So then the doctor told me, "I know - but I need your permission to proceed with the operation" HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! I GOT THE POW-AHHHH!!! Needless to say - hunny was a little miffed that I had control over his sensitive extremities. But hey - when ya get married, what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine! Including THAT! PROVEN!

Papers signed, we went to the prep room. A nurse walked in, and told him to drop his pants. "You're doing it NOW?" gaped my husband. He was very nervous... "No!" she said "I'm just going to give you a little shot so you don't care so much about stuff... you know - Valium" I was looking at her while she was talking, and I swear, by the time I turned my head back to my husband, he'd already dropped his pants and had his ass aimed at her. That was fast! Never knew the old boy could move that fast... About 1 minute after getting the shot, the doctor was ready. He appeared in the room and just said "OK! Let's go!" My husband, whose butt still stung - yelped out "I'm not ready! I still care about stuff! I still care about stuff!" But I helped drag walk him to the table.

So there he is, lying there with his boys and their friend laying there vulnerable. Now - any of you guys that might be reading this ( I dunno, the period talk in the last post may have chased them away) ever had this procedure done? The first thing they did was shave EVERYTHING. And they were quick about it! I've never seen a shave job done so fast, especially in that area.. sheesh.. and then, before my husband could unclamp his hands from the table - they gave him the first 'local anesthetic' injection. Right there in the cajones. I will admit, I did wince for him. But I really didn't need to - he went ' eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyooooowcccch!! I DON'T THINK THE VALIUM IS WORKING!!!!!' Now, apparently - the doctor thought that he should be just a tad more relaxed than he was, because my husband's outburst startled him, causing him to drop the scalpel, which fell on the table with a loud clatter. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??" screamed my husband, who was remarkably high-pitched in vocal abilities. "Now son, just calm down... I ain't even started yet. You might think your balls are made of steel but they ain't I can tell you that now!" yes... the doctor REALLY did say that. I couldn't help it. I just started laughing, at which point my husband told me to shutup. Now - usually he wouldn't be standing after saying such a thing to me, but since he was already laying down AND drugged up AND about to get whacked... I let it slide.

The doctor's nurse gave him a new scalpel and he set to work. Apparently - that numbing shot works really fast. He just made a quick little cut, reached in, grabbed the 'strands' and gave it a yank to pull it out. And then his pager went off. "Oof!! I'm expecting a page, would you get that for me?" He's talking to me. I just looked at him. "Well - where's your pager?" I asked "It's in my pocket. My nurse & I are already scrubbed, if you can just reach in there..." He's shoving his hip at me. "Ummmm.... ok" This is a little weird, but I went digging through this guys pocket - grabbed his pager and handed it to him. "Here." He just looked at me. "Well - what does it say?? I can't touch it..." OH! "Well, um - it says your tee time is at 1:20, and Jack's buying the beer, so you're not supposed to be late". "Great! Thanks! Now go sit back down over there..." and he turned his back on me to finish. "I gotta hurry. I have two more patients after you and I don't want to be late!" My poor husband. His eyes were rolling around, but he was too scared to move. After all, he had stuff hanging out of his stuff.

Finally , he was neutered. The doctor snapped off his surgical gloves, shook my hand, thanked me for my services and left. That was it. The nurse instructed my husband to keep ice packs on his willie for the rest of the day, gave us our walking papers and we left.

Neat story? Huh? Well, it ain't over. About 3 days after his 'procedure' my husband came up to me, without his pants. "Look at it" he demanded. "No thanks... don't wanna" "No really - look at it. Does it look... funny? I glanced at it. "They always look funny. I don't know how you guys live with those..." "Be serious! LOOK at it." So I did. Hmmm - one of them DID look funnier than usual. "I don't know. Does it hurt?" I asked. "Yeah... kinda." So I told him to call the doctor and I sent him off to work.

About an hour later he called me. "It's bigger... and it hurts worse. Can you come pick me up?" I rushed over to his work and picked him up. He was walking like a cowboy. Apparently that sucker swelled up to GRAPEFRUIT size!! DAAAAAMNNN!!

He had developed a post-surgical infection, and had to take anti-inflammatories for about two weeks, plus injections in his butt for one week. By the end of this ordeal - he was so thoroughly disgusted with the whole thing, that he never went back for the follow up 'shake down'. So we in actuality have no idea if he is sterile or not. But I hope he is!

Now - some guys would say - "Don't you feel bad for putting your husband through that?" My response? FUCK NO. I gave birth to THREE children, and each pregnancy was harder than the last. This last one - I developed gestational diabetes, and had to check my blood several times throughout the day. The back aches, the muscle pain, the swollen ankles... not to mention the actual act of childbirth itself... "Do I feel bad ... HAAAAA!"