Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Tomato Season
First - you spoke and I listened! The flying bitches are gone. I do however - reserve the right to bring them back for SPECIAL OCCASIONS ONLY, at which point, they will be on for about 1 day. Frankly though, it was beginning to annoy me as well.

Second - did you know that Tomato Season is almost upon us? We're gearing up for it here! The kids have come home with all sorts of information about "What to do in case of a Tomato!"

Tomato you say? Yes - exactly. I say Tornado - Ethan says Tomato. We found this out when they conducted the first weekly test of the tornado siren of the year. He came flying back into the house. "A TOMATO!! THERE'S A TOMATO COMING!" See? He knows what to do. Of course the first thing to do in case of a tomato is to warn everyone. The second thing we do is run outside and look up. This accomplishes two things. WE find out that a tomato is in fact upon us, and NATURE accomplishes its task of weeding out the idiots. Which apparently is about 98% of the neighborhood.
I swear people. I've lived in this town for 12 years. Every year it's the same thing. A tornado is in the area. Everyone runs out and congregates in the middle of the street. And it's crazy, their mood is buoyant! They're excited! "Hey! My house is going to be blown away! Let's stay here and watch! We can video it and send it in to America's Funniest Videos! Who's got the beer?" ~~gee~~

Myself - I have a different reaction... mostly. I do join the lemmings in running outside, but my objective in doing this is finding out exactly which way the clouds are moving. My husband runs outside to the highest point of the house with a camera. He's lived here longer.

Two years ago, we experienced the MOTHER OF ALL HAIL STORMS! The (tomato) sirens went off, and out we went. The sky was awfully green. I noticed a sticky note on our mailbox and pointed it out to my hubby. "Hey! Look - someone left us a note. Go get it before it gets blown away" He trotted on down the sidewalk, made it to the mailbox when it hit. A huge freaking hailstone. That mother was SOFTBALL SIZED. He never missed a step. He just turned right around and trotted on back up the sidewalk. "Screw your note!" He said. Soon it began to sound like a group of mad roofers had descended on us, as the hail began to pummel our houses. Huge - I mean HUGE stones. Don't believe me? Click here. By the time this storm had passed, the total damage estimate was $100 MILLION (yes - MILLION) dollars. I've read other estimates that put the damage closer to $300 million. We had several tornados touch down, I saw one of them a mere 2 miles from my house... (remember - I live in the plains of Texas, I really can see an object 2 miles away - and it looks close. Especially Tomatoes)

My kids especially love Tomato Season. Why? Because when tomatoes come to visit, I throw them in the closet with this stuff:

Big cushion to sit on
Two big pillows over their heads
One huge thick quilt over the pillows (and them)
and I cram the worlds largest freaking bowl of candy in between them to make them stay put.

Hey it works. We're prepared... Are you?
 
posted by Norman at 8:37 PM | Permalink |


10 Comments:


  • At Tuesday, February 28, 2006 8:30:00 PM, Blogger Dari

    Gee, I did not thing this vote thing really works, at least you are not NORMAN HUSSAIN (Vote, mother of all storms...etc.), know what I never seen a Tomato, I mean Tornado before, it looks like fun (Despit that the TV show it as disaster)

     
  • At Tuesday, February 28, 2006 8:35:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    NORMAN HUSSAIN?? THAT'S FIGHTIN' WORDS!!

    norman-the-redneck

     
  • At Tuesday, February 28, 2006 9:41:00 PM, Blogger Cori

    Holy cow! And the rest of the country worries about the earthquakes here. A tomato would have me rocking back and forth in a closet in the fetal position, mumbling about flying monkeys and ruby slippers.

    BTW, your candy strategy would work wonders with my kids, too.

     
  • At Wednesday, March 01, 2006 3:10:00 AM, Blogger HotDudi

    U've cheered me right up norm!!...& I usually hate living in the UK!!!

    I am now grateful we don't have tomatoes...& hailstones the size of a "soft ball" (which I'm presuming is the size of a tennis ball right!?!) We're terribly uneducated here in the UK when it comes to American sports u know...(or is that just me!?!) :-0

     
  • At Wednesday, March 01, 2006 4:52:00 AM, Blogger Norman

    softball is roughly the size of a grapefruit!! (bigger than a tennis ball!)

    and hey-- tomatoes just make life interesting is all!!

    norman!

     
  • At Wednesday, March 01, 2006 5:49:00 AM, Blogger Linda and Denny

    Growing up in Ohio, we too had lots of tomato warnings. However, our plan was to head down to the basement with candles and a battery operated transitor radio (gawd, is that dating myself?). I like your tomato disaster plan much better!

     
  • At Wednesday, March 01, 2006 6:23:00 AM, Blogger Spicy Cracker

    When I was little I lived in Cleveland Ohio, Tomatos and Blizzards were our fear. We moved to the east coast of Florida and Hurricans off the Gulf of Mexico, then I moved to Ga, lived off the Atlantic and Hurricans again... now I'm out west (don't you love the military) and we get the occasional "dirt devil" so would that be a cherry tomato? They say we're possibly due for a Earthquake but that hasn't happened near this area for over a 100 years. Never know ... my luck just may run out.

     
  • At Wednesday, March 01, 2006 6:42:00 AM, Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker

    Wow. I have always wanted to see a tomato. From a safe distance of course. When we have hurricanes, the same thing happens. We Floridians get excited. We start making cocktails and then, inevitably we all end up outside trying to see how far the wind will blow us and how fast it takes for us to be completely sopping wet. I think humans are just stupid or something. Myself included.

     
  • At Wednesday, March 01, 2006 12:03:00 PM, Blogger Michelle

    Yeah, you always have to head outside when they announce a tornado warning, it's like protocol or something.

    Inevitably one of kids will ask, "Are we going to die?" Never fails.

     
  • At Wednesday, March 01, 2006 10:53:00 PM, Blogger pack of 2

    I have been around many tomatoes in my day. I live in the Pacific NW now...so not too many of them here...now it is earthquakes, floods, & volcanic eruptions:)

    Wooo Hooo!!!!!

    Shelly

     
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com