Thursday, February 02, 2006
Ways to mess with your kids
Just in case you were running empty on ideas to mess with your kid's heads, I've decided to give you a little gem that I did to my middle kid yesterday.

The following conversation is a dramatization of the actual conversation:

"Mommy, what are bellybuttons for?" That's Ethan. He's silly. "Well, sweetie, when you were a baby, and still in my tummy, that's where there was a cord that fed you. I would eat food, then my tummy would make it ready for you because you were itty bitty and had no teeth" You also looked like an alien with flipper feet, but I didn't see the need to add that tidbit of information. "No way Mommy!! That's not why we got bellybuttons!" "Oh really? You don't believe me? I guess I can't fool you. I could tell you the real reason we have bellybuttons, but you have to promise not to tell your sister." Ethan nodded his head vigorously and leaned in close to receive the tantalizing secret information.... "Ok. Now - you know what a button is for, right? It's for holding things closed and making sure everything stays together, right?" He nods his head again, eyes wide. "Well - your bellybutton is VERY IMPORTANT. If you undo your bellybutton, your legs will fall right off. You MUST NOT undo your bellybutton. It's too hard to put your legs back on. Do you understand?" He solemnly nods his head, and agrees. I'm marveling that I can tell my son the truth, and he won't believe it, but give him some ridiculous story and he's all for it. He runs to his room, and shuts the door, presumably to begin trying to undo his bellybutton. My husband pipes up. "You know - he's going to need therapy later in life. Lots of it." Yeah - I know... but don't we all?

Speaking of needing therapy - I found this blog yesterday, and my stomach still hurts from laughing so hard. I highly HIGHLY recommend you visit and read as many of his "Don't eat it" entries as you can stomach. This guy is insane. I think I want him. Oh - and the entries keep getting funnier as you go down the page, so enjoy!

posted by Norman at 7:58 PM | Permalink |


  • At Thursday, February 02, 2006 8:33:00 PM, Blogger Stewie

    My mom pulled that shit with me all the time when I was a kid when I asked too many questions.

    Reminds of an excellent story that we still tell.

    Good stuff.

  • At Thursday, February 02, 2006 8:52:00 PM, Blogger Cacti to Cornfields

    Sweet Jesus, Norm-- just wanted to say thanks for the hilarious link to "Steve Don't Eat It!!" Just about coughed up a lung from laughing (I'm sure there's some country, somewhere, that cans and sells those as a delicacy.)

  • At Thursday, February 02, 2006 9:28:00 PM, Anonymous Lurker

    Wow! TheSneeze blog is hilarious. Reminds me of where the guy was eating all sorts of stuff then writing about it. Here is one of my favorite pranks...mainly cause I've done something like it:

    I think you'll enjoy it. I laughed as hard as I laughed at theSneeze.

  • At Thursday, February 02, 2006 9:33:00 PM, Anonymous lurker

    I couldn't resist. Here's the Zug eating story:

    *side still cramping*


  • At Thursday, February 02, 2006 11:36:00 PM, Blogger pack of 2

    LOL...I can't believe he fell for it...did he untie it?


  • At Friday, February 03, 2006 8:01:00 AM, Blogger Kim

    That is so wrong! But I will have to remember it for when my Little Man gets old enough to ask that question.

  • At Friday, February 03, 2006 9:26:00 AM, Blogger Tammy

    So. Very. Funny.

    Hey, how do you get the scrolly thing up top? (that is the technical term, no?)

  • At Friday, February 03, 2006 2:56:00 PM, Blogger rebecca marie

    my kids never get a straight answer either... they honestly believe the following things;

    they used to live with a monkey-mommy named alabama

    when my mother removes her mask, she looks just like darth maul

    if they roll down the window in the backseat, a bloody clown will rip them out of the window when i'm at a red-light and i won't know until it's too late

    the majority of rated r movies end with a scene where a kid gets eaten by a bear

    on your ninth birthday, you have to go backwards instead of forward, so you are seven again

    i really could go on and on... but i think you get the idea. basically, if i think of it, i tell it to my kids. my reward? at four and seven, they have better senses of humour than most adults i know (and nothing pleases them more than finding ways to startle me, which in turn makes me gleeful).

  • At Friday, February 03, 2006 7:50:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Stewie - What's the excellent story?!

    Cacti to Cornfields - ewwwww!! Canned lung. I hope to God he doesn't find that!

    Lurker - Those Zug links were hilarious! He really did go all out on that tattoo prank, huh?

    Pack of 2 - No! He didn't undo it. In fact, I offered to undo his button for him, and he started to cry. So I told him bellybuttons were very VERY hard to undo..

    Kim - LOL!! Do it!! It's so funny to see their little faces when you tell them stuff like that!

    Tammy - I stole the scrolly thing from Rebecca Marie. It's a very simple code actually. You just need to figure out where in your blog it needs to go. That was the hardest part for me. At one point, the scrolly thing was scrolling on every single post. Quite distracting!

    Rebecca - I had no idea that you had kiddos!! How many?! I'm loving the monkey momma one, and I do believe I will start using that one!! I might pass on the bloody clown though, because that one scares ME!!


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