Monday, May 01, 2006
Sorry Ladies... He's Taken

Ahhhh young love. My son, Ethan has informed me that he has found his wife-to-be. "Abigail" is a schoolmate of his in his morning Montessori class. Abigail has long braids and flip-flops. He has found this combination to be irresistable. Miss Abigail sent an invitation home with Mr. Ethan for him to attend her birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's tomorrow night. My son was in seventh heaven.

When I got home tonight, he ran into me like a ton of bricks and insisted that we head to WALMART right away, so that he might get a suitable gift for his future wife. My oldest, Ashton, decided a little feminine input might be needed and decided to tag along. Apparently, I no longer qualify as female.

We got to WalMart, and I immediately infuriated my son by picking up a few odds and ends that we needed. I figured I could try to combine shopping trips into one, because let's face it, I like to visit WalMart two times in one week about as much as I like driving bamboo splinters under my fingernails. My shopping complete, we headed towards the toy aisle. On the way there, I discovered that my son has an budding case of "road rage". He was standing up in the basket area of the cart - trying to show me the most direct path to the toys. We turned a corner, and were confronted with some ladies congregated smack dab in the middle of the lane, just idling there while they gazed at the stuff on the shelves. I opened up my mouth to say 'excuse me' when Ethan shot his hands up in the air, as if he was praying for strength, and bellowed out "Oh come on folks... why are we just STANDING here!!!" My mouth, which was already beginning to open, fell to the floor. I just stood there for a second thinking "HOLY SHIT" when they started laughing. I babbled something to the effect of "Sorry... he's been driving with his father too much..." and went on our way quickly - (they cleared a path). As we trotted to the 'girly stuff', I had to (and yes - it pained me greatly) LECTURE him on the different ways to be polite. I mean, come on - I do try to teach my kids good manners, and while I find it hilarious that he did it, ( and it was EFFECTIVE) - I just can't have my 4 year old shouting at old ladies in WalMart.

So what does a 4 year old purchase to win the love of his beautiful Abigail? Ashton and I tried to interest him in the Barbie Dolls and cute little fuzzy kitty dolls and the like, but his heart was set on "The Gazillion Bubble Maker". He insisted that Abigail would LOVE it. Ashton finally conceded that yeah - she probably would love it, and told Ethan that he could buy that for her, only if she got to pick out the wrapping for it.

We traipsed across the store to the gift wrap aisle, and ran into a co-worker of mine. He's freaky. I try to avoid this guy, because he's always leering at me but we caught him head on. I gave him small talk - told him we were in a hurry, and said our good-byes. But hey!! Amazingly enough - HE had to buy gift-wrap too! WOW! He was stading in the aisle with us, and I decided to ignore him, when I heard Ashton say "What's the matter?!" to him. I looked around at her, and she was staring at my coworker. "Nothing!" he said, a little redfaced. "But you were staring at my mom's bottom!! Mommy - do you have something on your bottom?!" She dashed around to check. "Uhmm... gotta go!!" he said, and raced off. HAAAAHAHAHAA!!!! Ashton still can't figure out what was so intriguing about it, and frankly, after 3 kids - neither can I.

Ethan and Ashton picked out the wrap, but Ethan insisted on getting the card by himself. It's a big pink flower shaped card.

He told me he wants to write "I love Abigail" in it and has told me that he thinks he's pregnant and Abigail is going to be the mommy. I can't wait for the party tomorrow!

Young Love!!
posted by Norman at 8:35 PM | Permalink |


  • At Monday, May 01, 2006 9:59:00 PM, Blogger Aric Blue

    That's funny, my kid had a girl in HIS class named Abby that he liked a lot. Unfortunately she just turned 3 and got moved out of the class.

    Young love torn apart! Maybe it'll be like Grease and they'll meet again someday...

  • At Monday, May 01, 2006 10:02:00 PM, Blogger Rachel - Wicked Ink

    Kids, I used to love that show "kids say the darndest things". I think you could write it now.


  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 4:21:00 AM, Blogger Linda and Denny

    Out of the mouths of babes. Hopefully your co-worker will behave himself better now that he's been "outed". Heh.

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 6:24:00 AM, Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker

    Oh my God Norman that is the cutest child I have ever seen. Look at those rosy cheeks! And the things he says. I think hes going to be famous one day. I know Abigail will love the bubble maker. I would have gone crazy over that when I was little. You have to tell us how the party goes. Ethan and Abigail sittin in a tree...

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 7:04:00 AM, Blogger pack of 2

    LOL....that kid is soooo funny Norm! I know what he means about people clogging up the aisles at the store. It bugs me too. I'll have to try Ethan's way next time I'm in that situation. Kids are so funny.


  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 8:13:00 AM, Blogger patti_cake

    I heart this post Norman, from the Ethan/Abigail lovestory to the sleazy co-worker getting busted. It made my day! :) Thanks!

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 9:41:00 AM, Blogger Michael

    Oh, I love kids and for the record, I'd have checked out your bottom too.

    Take Care

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 10:32:00 AM, Blogger Dari

    that was funny, after a long day running in the mall I needed this, loool.

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 1:41:00 PM, Blogger no patience for bullshit

    Absolutely hilarious! Sounds like you might even be raising some good bloggers!

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 2:08:00 PM, Blogger Spicy Cracker

    Post a picture of your butt so we can get a glimps of what your co-workers are so intrigued by... hahahaha

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 2:51:00 PM, Blogger Tammy

    That is a boy after my own heart. Road rage at 4. I love him so much. Will he trade in Abigail? No? Well, maybe someday.

    Okay the creepy guy stairing at your butt is weird. But I'm loving that your kid busted him. So damn funny.

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 3:46:00 PM, Blogger Kim

    How sweet! I would give anything to see him saying that to those old ladies.....if only we could all be as honest!

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 3:56:00 PM, Blogger NaughtyVoyeur

    That is so doggone cute :) And the bubble machine? Oh man, the perfect gift for me for sure.. and I'm old!! I'll bet she loved it!

    My little monkey hasn't fallen in love yet. There are a two girls that have advised him they are going to be married... but he's too interested in fire trucks. Whew :)

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 3:58:00 PM, Blogger NaughtyVoyeur

    BTW, unless with your other kids you're aware already, PLEASE be careful at Chuck E Cheese. We had a party there for my son's 4th birthday, and everyone in my family and most of the guests were sick with the flu shortly after. Seriously, it's germ haven!

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 6:44:00 PM, Blogger Cacti to Cornfields

    hilarious, norm, seriously! i hope you plan to write a book someday or maybe sort of comedic screenplay. you sure as hell have enough material!! i wish my life were as exciting and filled with such great stories!! BTW, was ethan trying out for a "beautfil child" contest?? those cute little pink cheeks will SURELY win abigail's heart!!!

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 7:13:00 PM, Blogger Freak Magnet

    He's handsome, hilarious, and apparently straight. What more could you ask for in a man?

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 7:56:00 PM, Blogger pack of 2

    He is one cute boy.
    I love that the kid busted creepy man! LMAO!

    Aww...she WILL love the bubble blower!


  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 8:04:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Aric - OH NO!!! Not like GREASE!!! In Grease - Travolta was the notorious bad kid, and Olivia was the good girl... I don't want Ethan to be the bad kid!! (but that may be a futile wish.... LOL)

    Rachel - LOL Thanks!! I have great inspiration in my little ones... they're silly messes!

    Linda - today was the first day that I didn't see that squirrely freak-O at my work. HA!

    Wide Lawns - Thanks!! I think he's a cutie myself (can I say that about my own child?) His cheeks were rosy in that picture because he'd previously been bouncing away in one of those vinyl Kid Jumpers. It's his favorite past time. His hair's also really sweaty too...

    Angie - HEY!! If you try the Ethan method of people moving - let me know how it turns out... I wonder if you'd get the same results??

    Patticake - Thanks! It made me smile while I was writing it! I love watching my kids to see the silly stuff they do. It's so much fun.

    Michael - oh you would have, would you? Remember when I told you that I'm actually a 290lb hairy man that loves wearing skimpy thongs?

    Dari - damn... I would love running around in that mall!!

    No patience - He hasn't said a word about blogging yet... but my 7 year old wants a blog! I told her 'no'. (i'm such a mean mommy...)

    Spicy - ACTUALLY!! My husband begged me for 1 hour straight Sunday for HIM to take a nudie pic of my ass so he could do some 'artistic tweaking' on it and post it on HIS blog. I refused. (aren't I the spoilsport?)

    Tammy - yes - road rage at 4. You should hear him when we're actually in the car and going past construction. You'd think he was a cabbie!! I just never thought the road rage would morph on over to WalMart - but then again, it makes a weird sort of sense.

    Kim - we CAN all be that honest!! It just gets us shot....

    NaughtyVoyeur - Yeah!! We did the post-Chuck E. Cheese decon on him. I made him take an "Airborne for Kids" tonight, and we'll continue doing that until Friday. (Germs!! ICKY!)

    Cacti to Cornfields - acutally... i DO hope to someday stumble on a book idea, but for now - it's just a distant dream...Thanks for the Ethan compliments!! I always think I'm just biased on how cute he is (again - is that bad for me to say how cute my kids are??)

    Freak - I hope he's straight!! He told us once that he's going to marry the dog when he's old enough. (That was before he met Abigail)

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 8:05:00 PM, Blogger Norman

    Shelly - OOPS!! You snuck in on me when I was replying to comments!! Actually - we don't know if she loved the bubble thing yet, because they didn't open the gifts at the party!

  • At Tuesday, May 02, 2006 8:33:00 PM, Blogger TBG

    Oh my that is hysterical. I love him yelling at the ladies in the walmart and the fact that he is pregnant and Abigail is the mommy! HA

  • At Wednesday, May 03, 2006 5:53:00 AM, Blogger Sandra

    Kids say the darndest things! (Art Linkletter)

    How cute, love his comments to the WalMart ladies. I can't understand why people insist on blocking aisles and then looking through you like they don't see you when you're standing there tapping your foot waiting for them to move. Love it!

    Have you ever thought of taking up writing for a living. Your blogs are so interesting and well written!


  • At Wednesday, May 03, 2006 9:00:00 AM, Blogger Dari

    try visiting it virtually at

  • At Wednesday, May 03, 2006 12:53:00 PM, Blogger Nap Queen

    OMG, that last paragraph about the pregnancy cracked me up. Kids are so cute sometimes :) And your coworker sounds creepy. Who would stare at someone's ass with their kids right there? Gross!

  • At Wednesday, May 03, 2006 8:21:00 PM, Blogger Stewie

    Your son makes me laugh.

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