Tuesday, October 10, 2006
12 rules that Martha Stewart never got around to telling you:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, you'll be too afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance!

12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.


All Right!! I have to close the poll now!! The official ruling is that THE NAKED COWBOY trounced Tiny Tim. I'm so sad. I mean - what's not to love about Tiny Tim? He's little, he played a ukelele, he sang in falsetto!! Before the Gibb brothers even!! Dude! He's really quite the man... but ah well.. The blog world has spoken.

now this only leaves me to wonder who (or what...heh) will I dig up for next weekend's contender??
posted by Norman at 9:21 PM | Permalink |


  • At Wednesday, October 11, 2006 7:37:00 AM, Blogger Spicy Cracker

    I am sad about Tiny Tim but I'll build that little bridge and get over it. And of course that bloodpressure thing might just work for me.

  • At Thursday, October 12, 2006 8:56:00 AM, Blogger erica

    This reminds me of my dad's favorite advice for any and all ailments. it went like this:

    Kid: I have a(n) ailment
    Dad: Go get a two-by-four, and bash yourself in the head with it. When you stop, it'll feel really good.

    A lot of the time the two-by-four was replaced with a wall.

    Oh, and I know this is the wrong post - but I hope your nephew is OK.

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