Sunday, December 02, 2007
Hi. I'm Avery, and I'm jacking my mommy's blog. I'm almost three, and pretty smart. Like now for instance. My parents think I'm asleep. But I'm really not. I'm down here typing on this blog.

I got a little somethin somethin to say, and since my mommy uses this blog to talk about things that she notices and her thoughts on them, I just thought I'd do it as well.

See, I'm gonna be three in just a couple days. Turning three seems to be a pretty big deal to grown-ups, but to me? Well, it just means I'm gonna get presents. And lots of them. But hey - as long as it's Dora stuff, I'll go along with the big tada about the birthday thing. But for the record, here's some stuff that's been annoying the doo-doo out of me for awhile.

1. Telling me what a BIG GIRL I am.

I know I'm a big girl. You can stop. It's really tiring to hear you grownups walk in and tell me all the time.

2. Stop pushing on my nose.

Why you gotta beep my nose all the time? I mean really. You just told me what a big girl I am. You think I really believe that my nose goes "beep-beep"? I saw your mouth moving for jeebus sakes. I know it was you that said "beep-beep". sheesh

3. I just don't wanna.

So stop asking me if I want to poo-poo in the potty. Isn't it enough that I go there for pee-pee? It's too much effort for me. Besides, my mommy will eventually have to buy me new panties for all the ones I've ruined. But that's okay because I'm thinking there's some sparkly Dora ones in one of those wrapped birthday gifts I'll be getting. And don't go thinking I'll ruin those too. I can always sneak into my room for to put on a pull-up like I did earlier today. Man, I'll tell you! That was a plan and a half! Pee in the potty, then realize when you gotta "do the doo", just run up to your room, slap on some pull ups and have at it!! I was smart though, and hid the pull up in my closet so they never knew I actually took a poop today. Well, wait a minute. I do have to give my moms partial credit for brains. She actually thought one of my kitties pooped in my closet because she kept walking around sniffing and saying it smelt like poopy upstairs. I told her George must've done it when she found the pull up. Next time, I'll hide the pull up near their cat box to prove it.

4. Fake Santas

That fat guy in the red suit at the mall? N-O-T S-A-N-T-A. I know he wasn't. Stop trying to tell me he was. Santa doesn't smell like onions & cigarettes. That's why I wouldn't sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted for Christmas. I want Dora stuff for Christmas. And lot's of it. I can put it on here and Santa will read it. Santa likes blogs. He'll know.

5. Apple Juice

I wish my mom would quit watering down my apple juice. I hate watered down apple juice. But she keeps doing it. I dunno why...something about squirts and me wearing real underwear now.

Okay. That's it for now. What? You guys wanted more? What the hell? I'm three! I just don't have that much to bitch about now, except for early bed time.... but hey - I'm down here sneaking around on the internet, and there's a hot poker game I have to sit in on now, so TOODLES!
posted by Norman at 8:00 PM | Permalink |


  • At Monday, December 03, 2007 7:56:00 AM, Blogger Moi

    Hi Avery! You got your mommy's sense of humor. I love it!

    Good luck with all the Dora stuff. Don't be disappointed if you don't get as much as you want. There have been a lot of recalls in China.

    I bet your mommy will find you something beautiful that does not require batteries or have small parts.

  • At Monday, December 03, 2007 8:33:00 AM, Blogger coffeypot

    Well, aren't you a big girl, now? (Bonk, bonk on the nose) Now fuck off. Get back in bed before I call DFACS and have you carted off.

    No! Wait! Where's the poker game? And, okaaayyyy, Happy Birthday, Sweetie. (bonk, bonk)

  • At Monday, December 03, 2007 8:37:00 AM, Blogger Teri

    Hi Avery! *waving madly*

    That was precious. It's good to know that you allow her some blog time. Those three year olds need to get alot of their minds.

  • At Monday, December 03, 2007 6:56:00 PM, Blogger Michael

    Hi Avery

    Take Care

  • At Wednesday, December 12, 2007 7:22:00 PM, Blogger Anonymous Farm Wife

    The pull-up trick was BRILLIANT! I'm 39 and I can't think up something that good.

    You have a BRIGHT future, Avery.

    I hope you have your mom's poker face and take home everything at the game. I'll think of you when I'm in Vegas in two weeks.


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