I am Norman

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Something wicked this way comes

Damn it. I should have named that frickin' spider "Spot", because then I'd have another MacBeth line to quote for you. You guys remember that spider I showed you, right? Well, it seems ol' Fred, or Fredwina - since it appears she is a female spider - has decided to move residences.

At the time I posted the last post/picture of her, she was happily nested in the trees between my neighbors house (the Asian Karaoeke fanatics) and mine.

This morning, I was presented with this:

Can you see that shit?! That - my dear friends - is MY FRONT WINDOW. Can't see the behemoth spider yet? Awwwwww....here. Let me give you a closer view:

Better? And just for shits and giggles....the side view:

The spider must go.

I am afraid for my children. I think the thing is trying to move itself closer and closer to us in an attempt to take us by surprise. I have a feeling it's webby little plan is to next spin a web across our front door (hey - only 3 feet away) to ensnare one of my children for a tasty little snack.

My husband says I'm being ridiculous. And he has forbidden me from using the fly swatter on it. At any rate - I don't think the swatter is powerful enough for this creature. Wouldja look at the size of it?! Good gracious what a nasty squish that thing would make!

But it really needs to go. Okay. I have to do it. I'm hereby renaming the spider "Spot". Simply so I can say this:

Out, damn Spot; Out I say!

God, I love MacBeth!

posted by Norman at 7:44 PM

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13 Comments:

At Thursday, September 06, 2007 1:25:00 AM, Pumpkin

Holy crap, WTF and other such exclamations.....what the hell is that.... a spidery version of KING KONG????

That is it...I can now never visit the US....along with Africa and Australia where other 8 leggedy behemoths reside.........

AAACCCCCKKKKKK

Must now go and stand infront of a full length mirror to ensure there's no spidery-type things are on me...are they????
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 6:03:00 AM, Lisa

A fly swatter? I don't think even a baseball bat would take care of that monster. Ewww!!! Freaky!!!
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 7:57:00 AM, tazzie

You know, I think I have her eastern shore cousin over here. Only mine is Black and White. I am the one who refuses to let anybody do anything to her though. The mosquitoes have been horrible this year. So, I'm praying if we leave her alone she'll eat all the icky bugs nobody likes. The kids, husband, and roomates have all been threatened with death if they touch her. (maybe it's the hormones finally getting to me!!) We call her Zipper, cuz she has all the xx's in her web. Sorry I'm rambling again!!!

tazzie
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 8:43:00 AM, Coffeypot

Maybe she isn’t changing residences. Maybe the world is minus one burglar. I say leave it alone. It IS NOT poisonous, it will not bite (unless you are a burglar, then it will eat you) and it will go were the food supply is best located. And if you try to swat it with a fly swatter, she will probably take it way from you and swat your ass. I mean, she was there first and she is protecting HER property. Now you two come to an understanding and get on with our lives.
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 9:30:00 AM, Teri

Is it too soon to move?

I'd move....
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 9:41:00 AM, Anonymous

I would go to the store, buy a large can of spider spray and kill it dead, dead, dead. But then, I'm mean like that. Love your blog
pls
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 10:03:00 AM, Spicy Cracker

Me and a bottle of Ortho Spider spray and it would be on! I've been blogging again... did ya miss me? I need more PC stuff... :)
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 11:11:00 AM, Nicki

Stewie had one on the outside of the basement window. I would check it out when I'd go down for clothes, and it was totally awesome to see it spin its web.

Stop freaking out!! It's a garden spider - it's not going to kill YOU or your children - it'll kill other nasty bugs. Spiiiider is your friend.
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 2:16:00 PM, Anonymous

*cringe*
I.Hate.Spiders.
I do find it ironic that my name is Charlotte and I hate spiders.
At Thursday, September 06, 2007 3:09:00 PM, HotDudi

Oh dear lord above!!!! What are you doing getting it to pose for pictures for you?!?!?!? JUST KILL IT!!
At Friday, September 07, 2007 9:11:00 AM, Unknown

I would soooo kill that thing!

It gives scares me &
I'm not even in the same state!

yuck
At Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:22:00 AM, Aric Blue

Thanks for dashing my hopes of moving to Texas with just one picture.
At Wednesday, September 12, 2007 10:36:00 AM, The Ex

As a native Texan I can happily say I've never seen one THAT BIG. Holy mother that scares me.