First -

Yet another open letter to the large couple at the Chinese Food Buffet last night:

Shut Up.

So so so so sorry that I offended you last night. But see - you were rude about my children. Therefore, you deserved it.

SO WHAT that my child served herself at the buffet line? The sign CLEARLY stated 6 and younger require an adult. She is NINE. She's short for her age, but is OLD enough by the restaurant rules. Moreover, she did not reach in with her hands, she didn't sneeze on the food, and she used the proper serving utensils when she got her food, which is more than I can say for most adults. I know this because I watched her while she got her food from my seat at the table. And I was very proud of her for her good manners. Which is more than I can say for ya'll.

For you to sit there and remark loudly about how children SHOULD be escorted thru the line really truly pissed me off. And to roll your eyes at my 2 year old because she yelled....ONCE and only ONCE while you were eating. For God's sakes, GET OVER YOURSELVES. My child yelled "MOMMY!!" once before being shushed by us, and reminded to use her indoor voice - which she did immediately after being reminded. I have always been proud of my children's behavior while in restaurants. They behave better than most - let me tell you.

So really - following your snide comments and loud dinner conversation (which -according to my husband's and my observations, you two lead exceedingly boring lives), I really am not very sad that I decided to replay a favorite stand up comedian line of mine:

Louis Anderson and the Chinese Buffet:

"YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR! YOU EAT UP ALL THE BEEF & BROCOWWI!!! YOU GO HOME NOW!"

Of course we laughed and repeated it again. So sorry it pissed you off. But damn - Karma's a bitch ain't it?!

P.s. If you want a kid-free night - avoid buffets. Families with children LOVE buffets because it means we can get our food immediately with no drawn out wait. Pick a different restaurant next time!

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And talking about how Karma's a bitch - we got our payback paid back to us. That'll teach me to spout off at a buffet by means of making fun of people. So for those of you that disagree with our Louis Anderson quote, read on:

I'm taking steroids right now due to a nasty bout of bronchitis last week. The Prednisone gives me insomnia. So last night....FINALLY about 1am, I was able to fall asleep. At about roughly...1:05, I hear.....

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPTHHHPTT....moooooommmy!!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yep. Puke-fest in the bed.

And puke-fests have a way of stirring up the adrenaline since you're running around at such odd hours doing laundry and changing beds. Everything was fine and dandy until about 2:30. We were all starting to fall back to sleep when. UUUUUURRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!!!!!! Avery upchucked again - only this time in our bed. About this time, I began feeling very queasy in my stomach, and recalled that Avery and I had shared a meal at the Buffet.

So - some Karmasmic Food Poisoning was in the works there.

But I still don't mind saying:

YOU BIN HERE FOUR HOUR!! YOU GO HOME NOW!